Wikipedia:Peer review/Master Juba/archive2

Master Juba

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This peer review discussion has been closed.

I'm hoping to submit this article to featured article candidates sometime soon, so reviews with an eye toward that process would be especially appreciated. Specific areas I'd like some feedback on are the article's use of quotes from primary sources (are there too many?), and its presentation of the various ways Master Juba has been presented by historians. Is it balanced? Thanks for any help! — Dulcem (talk) 05:44, 27 March 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Kakofonous

Here we go:

"…and unlike anything seen before." Stick to things that are tangible—I'd just remove this and say "It was percussive, variable in tempo, and expressive."
Clarification would be nice as to the origin of the word giouba, as juba dance doesn't really specify. A general "African" isn't very specific, as there are hundreds of African languages.
Lots of red links, but are they all necessary?
Standardize the way you write ellipses—I see some variation.
"New York Herald" or New York Herald? Keep the uses the same.
"formalware to minstrelsy" What is "formalware"?
Standardize dash use—I see spaced en dashes, "--", and unspaced em dashes used for the same purpose…Yes, this is one thing I am extremely anal about.
Some of these I've corrected, some I haven't. When using a number followed by a unit in words, (i.e., "18 months") WP:DATE advises the use of a hard space between the units, so that they do not separate when the text moves to a new line. To do this, you put   between the two characters.
"…whether Juba portrayed the wench role as sexualized or burlesqued style." Awkward phrasing, maybe "…whether Juba portrayed the wench role in a sexual or burlesque style."
Isn't there a way to make a <blockquote> section, when next to an image (Image:Master Juba.jpg) to still indent itself?
"African aesthetic of cool" Is the cool aesthetic universally acknowledged to have come from Africa?

Thanks for the review! Here are some responses to your concerns:

One of the points Johnson repeats is how Juba's dance seems to have baffled British reviewers. It was very new to them. Perhaps "unlike anything seen before" isn't the best way to phrase this, but I do believe that the novelty of his dance style needs to be weighted equally to the other qualities. What do you think?

I would just say that it was baffling to British reviewers or similar.

Giouba: I've added a bit more on it. The term seems to be obscure, and several theories of its origin have been suggested. Hopefully this wording will convey that the term's origins are obscure without straying off-topic.

Looks good.

Redlinks: In my opinion, all of the redlinked terms are notable and deserve their own Wikipedia articles. I'll see about turning them blue as this peer review continues.

Good luck!

Ellipses: I've standardized the lot. There are still some three-dotters and four-dotters, but this is how I was taught to use them: When the ellipsis ends the sentence, a period needs to follow the three dots to close out the sentence. If our MOS doesn't agree with this, I can change it.

I was mostly concerned by different formatting (i.e., ". . ." versus "…"), so the three-four thing isn't really an issue. If the

New York Herald: Fixed per their masthead.
Wench: Fixed.
"Formalware/formal wear: Fixed.
Dashes: I'm unsure what to do here. The only places where double-hyphens (--) or spaced m-dashes are used are in direct quotes. Most of these are to Johnson, and it may just be his typography that is at issue. Without access to the period sources he quotes form, however, I'm not sure it's a good idea to replace the double-hyphens with proper m-dashes. The rest of the n- and m-dashes should be used correctly.

Well obviously one wouldn't slap a [sic] on the dash usage :). Sounds fine.

Dates: Should be fixed. I've also checked other units of measurement for this.
Images and blockquotes: I don't think this can be fixed. I've moved the offending picture to the right to allow the blockquote to indent properly.
Cool: The origins of "cool" are still debated, but what is meant here is that Juba represented the African version of that aesthetic. Should it be clarified further?

Only after writing the comment did I realize what the intended meaning was, so I think this could use some clarification. --Kakofonous (talk) 01:37, 28 March 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I think that's everything. Thanks again. — Dulcem (talk) 00:38, 28 March 2008 (UTC)[reply]