- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for August 2008.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I have done extensive work on it. I wish to get some opinions on if it has GA potential at this point. I have been unable to find much information on his personal life, but his career his referenced throughly using the most reliable source I can find for each subject. It is still a work in progress. A few of the sources can't really be proven reliable, but my view was "better than nothing at all."
Thanks, Gavyn Sykes (talk) 20:06, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
- Wrestlinglover's Comments
- Lead
- You need to add somemore to the lead, like "He is currently signed to World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) wrestling on its ECW brand, under the ring name Evan Bourne. Throughout his carrier, he has worked in many Independent promotions, such as Ring of Honor (ROH), Total Nonstop Action Wrestling (TNA), and many National Wrestling Alliance (NWA) territories. During his venture in the independent circuit he captured the ROH World Tag Team Championship with his tag team partner at the time, Christopher Daniels (Daniel Covell)."
- Getting started
- wikilink martial arts and gymnastics, I don't believe they are common therms.
- Place (GCW) next to "the St. Louis, Missouri-based Gateway Championship Wrestling promotion."
- Do you know anymore of the members in his stable? If you do place them besides the name in brackets.
- Independent circuit
- You should explain what a mixed tag team match is, but I'm not even sure how to explain it. Try you best.
- Place the real names of each wrestler besides their ring name. i.e. A.J. Styles (Allen Jones)
- change- "He beat El Generico, Tyler Black, and Sabin before eliminating Kevin Steen and Arik Cannon in the finals." to "During the tournament, he defeated El Generico, Tyler Black, and Sabin to secure himself a place in the finals. There he met Kevin Steen and Arik Cannon, in which he came out victorious."
- Total Nonstop Action Wrestling (2004-2005)
- Change- "Sydal was featured on the first TNA pay-per-view Victory Road as part of the 20 man X Division Gauntlet." to "Sydal was featured on TNA's first ever 3-hour [[pay-per-view]] [[List of Total Nonstop Action Wrestling events|event]] [[Victory Road (2004)|Victory Road]] in November of 2004 as a participant of the 20 man [[X Division]] [[Gauntlet for the Gold|Gauntlet match]].
- wikilink X Division Championship to TNA X Division Championship.
- Ring of Honor
- Place the members of the "The Embassy" besides their name.
- Change- "Generation Next fought The Embassy in numerous multi-man tag matches, culminating in a Steel Cage Warfare match on December 3 at Steel Cage Warfare that was won by Generation Next" to "Generation Next fought The Embassy in numerous multi-man tag matches, culminating in a Steel Cage Warfare match on December 3 at Steel Cage Warfare, in which was won by Generation Next."
- change - "After coming up unsuccessful in attempts to win the title back along with Claudio Castagnoli, Sydal joined Larry Sweeney and his stable that also includes Chris Hero, Sara Del Ray and Tank Toland." to After coming up unsuccessful in attempts to win the title back along with Claudio Castagnoli, Sydal joined Larry Sweeney and his stable that also included Chris Hero, Sara Del Ray and Tank Toland." past tenths.
- Change - "Sydal ended his Ring of Honor run on September 15, 2007 at Man Up in Chicago Ridge, IL in a match against Delirious, the same man he made his ROH debut against." to "Sydal ended his ROH run on September 15, 2007 at, ROH's third and most successful pay-per-view, Man Up in Chicago Ridge, IL in a match against Delirious, the same man he made his ROH debut against."
- Change - "Sydal came up short to his masked opponent, but he got a warm farewell from the midwest crowd." to "Sydal came up short, however, after the match he was greeted with a warm farewell from the midwest crowd." or something like that. I don't get to watch ROH much. Though Man Up was their best ppv is what I hear.
- Dragon Gate (2006, 2007)
- What link are you looking for in CIMA?
- World Wrestling Entertainment (2006-present)
- Developmental territories
- World Wrestling Entertainment (2006-present)
- Write out WWE i.e. World Wrestling Entertainment.
- ECW
- change - "On the June 3, 2008 episode of ECW, Sydal made his WWE Television debut as a jobber where he lost in a match to Shelton Benjamin." to "On the June 3, 2008 edition of ECW, Sydal made his WWE Television debut, in a losing effort against Shelton Benjamin." He wasn't really a jobber in the match, he looked like Wang Yang does every little bit.
- change - "The following weeks, he defeated Matt Striker[27], Nunzio[28] and former ECW Champion Chavo Guerrero[29] using a shooting star press as his finisher." to "The following weeks, he defeated Matt Striker[27], Nunzio[28] and former ECW Champion Chavo Guerrero[29] using a shooting star press as his finisher, a move that had been previously banned by the WWE for many years.
- Notes
- Why does it say notes instead of references? I prefer references but I don't work on single articles. Well not until I get a few ppvs to GA and BFG IV to FA, then I'll work on A.J. Styles article, working towards an FA.
Well I hope these helped you out a little bit, I've never done a peer review. I might be right and I might be wrong.--WillC 22:59, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
- I haven't gotten to transferring it to be more out of universe as of yet, but it my pass GA without it anyway. I believe the standard format is "Notes" and not "References." the latter is used for book sources. Notes is for web sources. Also, was there actually any source that the SSP was banned in the first place? Gavyn Sykes (talk) 23:53, 15 August 2008 (UTC)
- No, but the SSP hasn't been seen since WrestleMania 2003 when Lesnar fucked it up. You've only seen it from time to time with low class wrestlers. Like London or Kendrick. Even when they did it they got punished. It is really common knowledge that WWE doesn't want their guys to use high fly moves like the 450 or the SSP.--WillC 00:00, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
- Oh, I'm aware of all that, but it's all WP:OR. Gavyn Sykes (talk) 00:14, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
- No, but the SSP hasn't been seen since WrestleMania 2003 when Lesnar fucked it up. You've only seen it from time to time with low class wrestlers. Like London or Kendrick. Even when they did it they got punished. It is really common knowledge that WWE doesn't want their guys to use high fly moves like the 450 or the SSP.--WillC 00:00, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
- SRX's Comments
- Getting Started
- In the late 1990s Korklan honed his collection of skills (martial arts, gymnastics, athletics) and combined them to his newest interest, professional wrestling. Along with a motley crew of neighborhood friends, Korklan constructed a professional quality wrestling ring. As Lance Sydal, he won fans over with his high-flying, fast-paced matches. - 1)No source 2)"combined them to his newest interest" sounds like POV.
- Korklan was on his high school's wrestling team. While he was a senior in high school, Sydal began training with the St. Louis, Missouri-based Gateway Championship Wrestling (GCW) promotion. After three months of training, Korklan began wrestling for GCW on October 20, 2000. - Consistency is needed, are you going to use his real last name or his stage last name? Also no source for this.
- I recommend renaming this section to Early career as this is the standard section naming for wrestling bio's.
- Independent Circuit
- He debuted in IWA Mid South in November of 2003. He won his first title, the IWA Mid-South Light Heavyweight Championship, on January 17, 2004, in Highland, Indiana, defeating J.C. Bailey. - Who did he debut against? or how did he debut?
- Sydal lost the title to his recurring nemesis, Delirious, on June 26, 2004 in Oolitic, Indiana. - how is he the recurring nemesis? No earlier explanation is given about their rivalry.
- He won the title back when he teamed up with Daizee Haze in a mixed tag team match (a tag team match in which a male wrestler and a female wrestler team up against other team, with all wrestlers competing against the opponent of the like gender on the opposite team) against Delirious and MsChif. Haze pinned MsChif to win Delirious's title for Sydal - instead of using the jargon term of "mixed tag team match" just say "intergender tag team match" - that is standard english and comprehensible. It should be elaborate earlier that MsChif can gain the win in order for Sydal to win the title.
- Since then, he has only appeared in IWA on a select few occasions. - it sounds like he still goes there, does he?
- Closing comments
- There is a lot of jargon here and I do not want to get through the rest of the article until the article is out of universe.
- Yes, OOU is needed for GA now, it is a standard that GA Reviewers are looking for.
- If you need help with OOU, you can request me to copyedit the article on my talk page.
Best, --SRX 00:33, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
- Appreciate the comments. I'll be working on the article tomorrow. Thanks. I'll drop you a line when it's OOU, so you can continue the review. Gavyn Sykes (talk) 00:41, 16 August 2008 (UTC)
- Nikki's comments
First of all, I haven't looked at the other people's comments, so mine may or may not overlap. Here we go:
- Lead - I think it should be ~2 paragraphs and should better summarize the article.
- His personal life is rather short, so anything else that can be added would be great. Does he have siblings? Where did he grow up? Is he married, or does he have children? Stuff like that.
- The Dragon Gate and WSX sections are rather short. How do you feel about combining them? This article is relatively short, but has a ton of headers. I'd also eliminate the subheacers under WWE, for now anyway.
That's it for now. Nikki311 17:56, 20 August 2008 (UTC)
- That's all the personal life info I was able to dig up. He hasn't had interviews with Wojick, SLAM or anything like that, so it's rather limited. I could add that he's not married and has no childre, but I'm not sure if that's necessary are not. And yeah, I could combine them, since he was in DG, left for WSX then went back to DG. Gavyn Sykes (talk) 18:01, 20 August 2008 (UTC)
- Expanded and fixed what I could. I can't do anymore right now, have to get ready for work. Thanks for the review. Gavyn Sykes (talk) 18:30, 20 August 2008 (UTC)
- If that's all you can find, then that's all you can find. Maybe if he stays with WWE for awhile, he might do an interview for one of those websites. Or...maybe he'll put up his bio on his official website. Nikki311 23:03, 21 August 2008 (UTC)
- Expanded and fixed what I could. I can't do anymore right now, have to get ready for work. Thanks for the review. Gavyn Sykes (talk) 18:30, 20 August 2008 (UTC)
- ThinkBlue's comments
- In the lead, a period is needed after Sydal.
- In the early career, add his dob, makes it more "interesting".
- In the Dragon Gate and Wrestling Society X (2006–2007) section, a period is needed for this sentence ---> "Sydal left Dragon Gate and signed with the new Wrestling Society X promotion. He was featured on their first televised edition on MTV, losing to Jack Evans (Jack Miller)[17] He was accompanied to the ring by his valet and on-screen girlfriend Lizzy Valentine (Elizabeth Miklosi)".
- Same section, "In the spring of 2007", a comma is needed after 2007.
- In the World Wrestling Entertainment (2007–present) section, this sentence ---> "It was announced on February 7, 2008 that the WWE had ceased affiliation with OVW", sounds a bit off, I think "the" should be removed.
- In the wrestling section, references need to come after the parentheses.
-- ThinkBlue (Hit BLUE) 14:30, 25 August 2008 (UTC)
- Fixed, except for adding his date of birth to early career, it seems redundant as it was listed above in the lead a few sentences before. Gavyn Sykes (talk) 14:46, 25 August 2008 (UTC)