- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for March 2009.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
The article is now a GA and I would like to take it to FAC eventually, so all comments and input are welcome. -- Scorpion0422 15:55, 4 March 2009 (UTC)
Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)
- You said you wanted to know what to work on before taking to FAC, so I looked at the sourcing and referencing with that in mind. I reviewed the article's sources as I would at FAC. The sourcing looks good.
- Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 21:53, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
Finetooth comments: This is an excellent article. I think it's ready for FAC after only slight buffing. Here are a few suggestions, all fairly minor.
Infobox and lead
- I wondered where she got her middle name, Campbell.
- Good question, I don't know, I haven't found any sources that mention it.
Lead
- Cartwright continued to audition for voice-over and live-action roles" - Wikilink voice-over on first use?
- I don't know if it's needed because Voice acting is already linked. I can add it though.
- "For her work as Bart, Cartwright would receive a Primetime Emmy Award" - "Received" rather than "would receive"?
- Fixed. That tends to be one of my more persistent writing problems: I use would a lot.
Early life
- "the daughter of Frank and Miriam" - I believe I'd include the last name, Cartwright, here as well as the first names.
- It wasn't included before because of redundancy (the name Cartwright is already in the sentence) but I added it.
Early career
- "For several months she unsuccessfully tried to secure the rights the film" - Missing word? "to the film"?
- Done.
The Simpsons
- "The show featured shorts as bumpers, and aired between sketches." - I find this sentence puzzling. I know what shorts are but not bumpers. Perhaps a wikilink or a brief in-text explanation would help make this more clear.
- Wow, that sentence is confusing. What was I thinking when I wrote it? Is it better?
- "Matt Groening let her try out for the part instead" - Delete "instead"?
- Done.
Personal life
- "She recalls that she joined because she was depressed that she did not have a 'committed relationship,' and wanted to get married and have children." - Something seems wrong with the chronology here. The article says she joined in 1989 but met Warren in 1988 on her birthday (October) and married him two months later (December). Am I misreading these numbers?
- That's the chronology as given in the sources. I think what it means is that she discovered scientology, met her husband, THEN joined the church. I've tried rewording it and switched it to "She recalls that before joining"
Images
- These seem fine, especially her mug shots, and the licenses look OK to me unless the star is considered a separate work of art protected by its own copyright (as distinct from the photographer's copyright). I doubt that it is, but copyright law is full of surprises.
- The star is used in several FAs and has been looked over by several experts, so I think it's okay.
If you find these suggestions helpful, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 21:59, 8 March 2009 (UTC)
- They definitely were helpful. Thanks a lot! -- Scorpion0422 22:29, 8 March 2009 (UTC)
Comments from Scartol
I agree with the above: Very nice work on this article. I apologize for the extreme delay in getting to this. I have done some copyediting, and while the following is not a completely thorough peer review (I feel that the structures and the research are generally quite solid), I do have some questions and comments:
- Nancy Cartwright was born in Dayton, Ohio, on October 25, 1957, the daughter of Frank and Miriam Cartwright and the fourth of six children. I'd like to reword this: "Nancy Cartwright was born in Dayton, Ohio, on October 25, 1957, the fourth of six children. Her parents, Frank and Miriam Cartwright, were..." but I'll need some info about her parents. I assume there is some in her autobiography?
- Actually, her parents are barely even mentioned in the book. Their names aren't even mentioned in it (but were in an interview she did).
- Okay, I changed it to: "the fourth of six children born to Frank and Miriam Cartwright". Scartol • Tok 19:55, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
- Actually, her parents are barely even mentioned in the book. Their names aren't even mentioned in it (but were in an interview she did).
- What was her scholarship for?
- Public speaking I'd assume. This is the exact passage that she mentions it in: "I ended up placing first in the National District Tournament for two years in a row. This had never been done before and I was awarded with a scholarship from the host of the competition, Ohio University."
- Okay, I guess we'll have to leave it. Scartol • Tok 19:55, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
- Public speaking I'd assume. This is the exact passage that she mentions it in: "I ended up placing first in the National District Tournament for two years in a row. This had never been done before and I was awarded with a scholarship from the host of the competition, Ohio University."
- For future reference: If the quote isn't a complete sentence, then the final punctuation goes outside the quote mark. (Cartwright described Butler as "absolutely amazing, always encouraging, [and] always polite".)
- Okay, it's confusing because different reviewers tell you different things (one of my English teachers once told me periods always goes before quotation marks).
- Well, for Wikipedia consult this section of the MOS. Scartol • Tok 19:55, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
- Okay, it's confusing because different reviewers tell you different things (one of my English teachers once told me periods always goes before quotation marks).
- The bit about her leaving the building during her audition for Cheers is confusing. What did that have to do with her getting the part?
- Nothing really, it's just an anecdote in her book where she says she decided to try something different (leaving during an audition) and it worked. This is the passage: "I got a call to audition for Cheers. At the end of the audition piece, my character turns and says one more line before exiting the bar, and I couldn't resist. With a roomful of producers, assistants, casting directors and writers, I turned, said my line and walked right out the door. That in itself wasn't so surprising, but the fact that I kept on going totally threw everyone for a loop. By the time I got home, my phone was ringing and I was cast."
- Okay, I changed it to: "Cartwright decided to take a chance on being different, and continued walking out of the building. The production crew was confused, but she received the part." Scartol • Tok 19:55, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
- Nothing really, it's just an anecdote in her book where she says she decided to try something different (leaving during an audition) and it worked. This is the passage: "I got a call to audition for Cheers. At the end of the audition piece, my character turns and says one more line before exiting the bar, and I couldn't resist. With a roomful of producers, assistants, casting directors and writers, I turned, said my line and walked right out the door. That in itself wasn't so surprising, but the fact that I kept on going totally threw everyone for a loop. By the time I got home, my phone was ringing and I was cast."
- Cartwright describes Bart's voice as easy to perform compared to other characters. This sentence had an errant quotation mark at the end, with no clear corresponding mark at the start. You should check and see if some part of it is a direct quote — and if so, enclose it in quote marks.
- I think there used to be a quotation there (something along the lines of "he's the easiest voice I do") but it was removed.
- Could we get some more commentary about her autobiography? Were there any exciting revelations? Surely there were some positive reviews? What did fans of the show think?
- It's actually a pretty boring book with nothing really exciting or controversial. There were some positive reviews, which I added to its page (My Life as a Ten-Year-Old Boy)
- I think some of the info from that article could be expanded, with 1-2 tidbits thrown into her bio article. How about a quote from the section on finding out about Phil Hartman? Or something from the final chapter? Scartol • Tok 19:55, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
- What I meant was that there were some reviews in that article, and if there were any comments you thought were useful, you could just copy them here. I did add a positive review and I could probably throw in a quote from the final chapter. Is there anything else from the book that could be added? -- ScorpionO'422 17:51, 17 March 2009 (UTC)
- I think some of the info from that article could be expanded, with 1-2 tidbits thrown into her bio article. How about a quote from the section on finding out about Phil Hartman? Or something from the final chapter? Scartol • Tok 19:55, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
- It's actually a pretty boring book with nothing really exciting or controversial. There were some positive reviews, which I added to its page (My Life as a Ten-Year-Old Boy)
- "Further career" is an odd title for a section heading. What about "Other activities" or "Later career"?
- I don't know, because "later" insinuates that it happened after The Simpsons, and "other activities" suggests things not relating to her career.
- I still prefer "other activities" (I don't see it as removed from her career), but it's not a big deal for me. Scartol • Tok 19:55, 14 March 2009 (UTC)
- I don't know, because "later" insinuates that it happened after The Simpsons, and "other activities" suggests things not relating to her career.
- One of the source titles is "Bart Simpson is spruiking Scientology". Is this word "spruiking" correct?
- Yep (don't ask me what it means though, I have no idea).
Again: Nice work on this article, and good luck with the plans to move it ahead on the path to FA. Scartol • Tok 19:31, 11 March 2009 (UTC)
- Thanks, hopefully things will go smoothly. -- Scorpion0422 20:33, 11 March 2009 (UTC)