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Wikipedia:Peer review/Naseem Ashraf/archive1

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Naseem Ashraf

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I saw that Naseem Ashraf was a most wanted article on the Wikipedia Project Cricket so I created this a couple of days ago, I think its a decent start so I'd like to get a peer review. -- Zainub 18:32, 19 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

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Overall, the article is informative and well cited, a few modifications would really help this article though.

General observations:

  • Academic titles (e.g. Dr.) should not be used before the name in the initial sentence or in other uses of the person's name (also in current form "Dr." leads to a disambiguation page).
  • Dates of birth and death, if known and Nationality should be stated in the first sentence.
  • Manual of Style (headings) states that you should "capitalize the first letter of the first word and any proper nouns in headings, but leave the rest lower case. Thus "Rules and regulations", not "Rules and Regulations"."
  • When placed at the end of a clause or sentence the ref tag should be directly after the punctuation mark without an intervening space. The same is true for successive ref tags, no space between the refs. See: WP:FOOT
  • I might be helpful to the comprehension of the reader to replace some instances of "he" with "Ashraf".
  • In general, when describing incidents, keep in mind that some people who read this might have no understanding or knowledge of Cricket, let alone Cricket in Pakistan.

More specific observations:

  • "Previously served as an adviser on human development to the President Pervez Musharraf, who is also the board's Patron-in-Chief." - Is Musharraf the Patron-in-Chief? This sentence is ambiguous.
  • Minister of State?-This term should be linked.
  • Link to anabolic steroid not steroid, totally different.
  • "...to protect the players from further bans in the ICC-governed event where they could have been target tested again" - "target tested"? what does this mean?
  • "But his resignation was subsequently rejected[43] by President Pervez Musharraf who was asked him to "continue his duty to rebuild the Pakistan cricket team on modern and professional lines"." Since the quote is from the cited article, the citation should follow the quote.
  • It seems like more information could be added about his career in public health.

Great start, good luck!!--DO11.10 04:58, 20 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]

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