Wikipedia:Peer review/Ninja Gaiden (2004 video game)/archive1
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because…I reckon it has potential to become a GA again. It is difficult to find any flaws in this article. But since the article is huge, a few edits here and there and this will be a GA again in no time.
Thanks, SCB '92 (talk) 13:10, 23 July 2012 (UTC)
Comments Some general comments, based on a surface-level reading of the article, so I've skimmed over quite a few aspects here:
- Lede
- I'm not sure I understand the term "progressively enhanced". Is this different from simple enhancement? Perhaps it's a term I'm not familiar with, but I also don't see how the two remakes can "enhance" the original game. Since further information about the expansions and remakes are in the third paragraph in the lede, I think this clause is somewhat redundant anyway.
- removed-SCB '92 (talk) 15:53, 5 August 2012 (UTC)
- The two sentences beginning with "Techmo specifically targeted..." are an honest attempt at summary style, but the sentences simply cover too many points, and the linking words don't work in this case. In order, the two sentences cover:
- target audience
- struggles with content ratings
- critical reception
- U.S. game sales
- censorship in some countries
- Japanese sales
- All of this information is important and relevant, so it should still be included in the summary, but you might want to find a way to restructure it to match the structure of the article more closely. Group similar subjects together (content ratings and censorship, U.S. and Japanese game sales, etc.) Along these same lines, to give a more accurate comparison between sales in different countries, it might be a good idea to compare the same time periods (i.e. one month or four). For more information, I recommend Strunk and White's The Elements of Style, #19: "Express coordinate ideas in similar form."
- Gameplay
- no comma after "progresses"
- there is now-SCB '92 (talk) 16:38, 5 August 2012 (UTC)
- "Inspired by the mechanics of the The Legend of Zelda video games, access to these regions are obtained..." I get what it's saying here, but I don't think this works in terms of subject/verb agreement. As written, the sentence says that the access was inspired by the mechanics of the Legend of Zelda games.
- fixed-SCB '92 (talk) 16:38, 5 August 2012 (UTC)
- I don't think "story mode" or "mission mode" should be capitalized, but maybe I'm wrong.
- Since it pertains exclusively to the remakes, the final paragraph of this section should be in the "Re-releases and merchandise" section.
- "fluid and responsive" Direct quotes, however short they may be, should be attributed in the text. If numerous critics used the same or similar words to describe the control, you can simply remove the quotes (but of course keep the references).
- removed quotes-SCB '92 (talk) 16:49, 5 August 2012 (UTC)
- "These include one-handed swords, such as the Dragon Sword and Kitetsu, which grant quick attacks and a move called the "Flying Swallow", that allows Ryu to leap and slash through enemies." Some awkward syntax here. A comma after "quick attacks" would probably help. There's a lot of debate about "that" vs. "which", and it would appear the person writing the sentence meant to avoid awkward word repetition here, but it feels strange here.
- "sequences of attacks, and to engage distant" Since these are separate ideas, split this with a period instead: "sequences of attacks. To engage distant..."
- Plot and setting
- "Ryu's quest for vengeance spans sixteen chapters" Since we can't assume that the reader has gone through the lede, this should probably begin with "Ninja Gaiden's story spans sixteen chapters,..." and then move on to explaining the vengeance back story.
- "Two successive boss fights must be completed to destroy the Emperor" The rest of this plot summary is told through the perspective of the narrative, not the gameplay. Also, emperor is not capitalized unless used as part of a title (i.e. "Emperor Bob" but not "the emperor of Bobville")
- Development
- "was exclusive to the Xbox." Probably should be "would be released exclusively on the Xbox gaming console."
- "Tecmo released Ninja Gaiden" In the United States, Japan, or internationally?
- US,
Done-SCB '92 (talk) 00:05, 14 August 2012 (UTC)
- US,
- I'd combine the paragraphs related to the expansion packs, since all three are fairly brief anyway and they regard the same subject. More on this below.
- Since the censorship and ratings battles occurred prior to the game's release, this sub-section should come before "Post-release"
- The table for beheadings versus no beheadings seems very superfluous to me.
- removed-SCB '92 (talk) 00:20, 14 August 2012 (UTC)
- Re-releases and merchandise
- Re-releases should probably have their own section, which does not need to be subdivided as it is now. Since some sections only have one or two sentences, integrate them all into on section.
- Reception
- Avoid biased words commonly used in movie trailers: "declared that", "hailed it as", etc. See WP:PEA
- "halls of fame" are not capitalized, but "Hall of Fame" would be if referring to a specific one.
- General notes
- There are about a dozen sentences that begin with the word "However", and it is used a few more times throughout the article.
- Consider moving some things around to make the article more chronological.
- A few sections come very close to violating WP:VGSCOPE #6, "Lists of gameplay items, weapons, or concepts."
- Overall, there are no major structural issues or anything like that, but you'll want to go through this a few times with people who are not familiar with the game to make sure it flows well to the average person. With some general work, I think this could be upgraded once again to GA status, but think in terms of the layman reading an encyclopedia when writing, not necessarily as a video game enthusiast writing an official record of the game.