Wikipedia:Peer review/Oxford United F.C./archive3
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because the article has been largely improved from the two failed FAC attempts, and i would like comments on what else needs to be done to get in to FA status (third-time lucky). Please be nit-picky. Thanks, Eddie6705 (talk) 16:45, 28 February 2012 (UTC)
Comments
- I fixed some hyphen/en-dash issues using a script. For these kind of sports articles, WP:DASH compliance is a must.
- Nicknames aren't referenced explicitly.
- see below.
- What does "(as Headington United)" mean after the last nickname?
- see below.
- " on 16 May 2010 " maybe a bit too detailed for the lead?
- Changed.
- Not arguing with the history section here, but consider branching off, expanding and making an entirely separate OUFC history article.
- Will consider this over easter when i have some time. Is the history section to large for it to go FA?.
- Shouldn't "Rev" have a full stop after it as an abbreviation?
- Added.
- "Saint Andrew's church" would normally expect that to be Church (most churches I know have it capitalised when it's the full name...)
- Capitalised.
- "Old Headington, " looks odd to me just linking Headington in part of this.
- Linked both words.
- "The first game played " cricket or football? Previous sentence obfuscates this a little bit.
- Clarified.
- "Road, but this was redeveloped " - why "but" ? Perhaps reinforce the redevelopment meant that OUFC had to leave or something?
- Added.
- " was finally found in" maybe lose "finally".
- Removed.
- "during the 1940s. In 1899, six years after their formation" mildly confusing to suddenly drop back in time a few decades.
- Relocated
- " The team spent two seasons" you mentioned two teams in the previous sentence...
- Clarified.
- "finishing fifth and fourth respectively." not sure this works, since you've just said "1940s". Respective to what?
- Added actual years.
- "considered during the second season. " what "second season"? Be specific.
- Done.
- " just one fewer vote" -> "just one vote fewer"
- Rearranged.
- "They played their first season" you mention multiple clubs in the previous sentence, and in the lead you were using the singular for OUFC, not the plural.
- Changed.
- "The club installed floodlights in 1950, the first professional club in Britain to do so,[8] and the first floodlit game was held on 18 December against Banbury Spencer.[9]" reads clumsily to me repeating club and effectively repeating floodlights in a single sentence.
- Rephrased.
- League position graph is five years out of date.
- see below.
- "thanks to a James Constable hat-trick" reads like a tabloid, and is there a link for hat-trick for our non-footy readers?
- Slight rephrase and linked.
- "Rugby Union matches" this isn't a proper noun, no need for over-caps.
- Done.
- Attendances graph needs an update too. And the caption needs a full stop.
- see below.
- "Former Directors Nick Merry (L) and Jim Smith (R)" no need to capitalise Director and put (left) and (right) instead of your (L) and (R).
- Changed.
- Remove the "Notable players" "section" altogether.
- Removed. Moved link to List of Oxford United players to top of section.
- Three refs for youth team coach? And most of the other staff unreferenced? WP:CITEKILL.
- Removed.
- Club officials, why are people's names in bold? no need.
- Unbolded.
- Make sure the managers' table complies with MOS:DTT for WP:ACCESS to screen readers.
- see below.
- Heading in that table - Notes should be Refs since these are references.
- see below.
- What's the point in having all the managers here since 1949 when you have a main manager's article?
- see below.
- "Pre-advent " and "Post-advent", what happened to "Before" and "Since"?
- Changed
The Rambling Man (talk) 19:09, 7 March 2012 (UTC)
- Thanks for the comments. A few points: The nickname boys from up the hill was only used when the club were called Headington United. Since the change of name to Oxford United, the other two nicknames have been used almost exclusively. Also i cant find reference that specifically states "Oxford United have the nicknames.....", but the U's and Yellow are used frequently within the two club books, and the boys from up the hill was the title of a book on the early history of Oxford United.
I will update both the attendances and position graphs when i figure out how i made them again (lost the originals). Will remove the managers table tomorrow, it was there as prequel to the full managers article and was never removed. Will replace it with a short description of the managers history, similar to Gillingham's article.Eddie6705 (talk) 21:13, 7 March 2012 (UTC)- Strikethough those done. Eddie6705 (talk) 16:28, 8 March 2012 (UTC)