Wikipedia:Peer review/Persian famine of 1917–1919/archive1

Persian famine of 1917–1919

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This peer review discussion has been closed.

I've listed this article for peer review because I think we can improve this article, with the assistance of editors who are experienced in history articles.

Thanks in advance, Pahlevun (talk) 12:37, 10 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Eisfbnore

Re prose, you really should consolidate those stubby one-line paragraphs. They contribute to creating a staccato reading experience.
The article is properly sourced, sure, but it is also too reliant on simply giving the microphone to key scholars and authorities on the topic. Try paraphrasing the assertions a bit more, and create a prose which is a bit more summarising and compelling to read.
When it comes to references, we need a bit more detail. For instance, you really should provide page numbers for Floor 1983, which arrives at almost 30 pp with endnotes. Same applies to other shortened footnotes.
I also think the article is too liberal with quotations from cited authors. At one point this crosses the line from fair use to outright copyvio. You really can't have that many and that long paragraphs lifted from other sources.

Those are my preliminary comments. I might return to this page if progress has been made. Eisfbnore ^(会話) 04:56, 15 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]