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This peer review discussion has been closed.
Hellow, I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to get it to GA status, but there is few other contributors editing this article so its difficult to get feedback. I have worked a lot on it now and would like your opinion to futher improve it.
Thanks, Dentren | Talk 00:19, 17 October 2009 (UTC)
Finetooth comments: This is a good start on an article, nicely illustrated, about an interesting set of volcanoes. However, much of the article lacks sources and doesn't yet satisfy WP:V. Here are a few other suggestions for improvement.
Lead
- The lead should be a summary or abstract of the whole article. A good rule of thumb is to include in the lead at least a mention of each of the main text sections, and the lead should include no important information that is not developed in the main text.
- I dont know if this is suggestion to the current lead or it a remainder of how a good lead should be. I think the information there is relatively fine.Dentren | Talk 19:53, 25 October 2009 (UTC)
- Most abbreviations need to be spelled out on first use. I'd suggest spelling out directions such as N or SE as words on every use. Something like "ka" should appear as 1,000 years (ka) on first use; then ka by itself will make sense to all readers on subsequent uses. Ditto for MgO and 9.5 Mw. Most readers are not scientists.
- I looked into Mount St. Helens (FA) article and decided to use 1,000 instead of 1 ka. This has been changed now all over the article. I agree with "MgO rich basalt", this is to geologically, so i changed to pimitive basalt with a link in primitive to fractional crystallization (geology). "9.5 Mw" is not longer included in the lead, but it is in the 1960 eruption section. To use "moment magnitude" spelled out is ok, it not to technic and is used in several FA and good earthquake articles (2002 Bou'in-Zahra earthquake, 2008 Sichuan earthquake, 2005 Qeshm earthquake). Dentren | Talk 19:53, 25 October 2009 (UTC)
Geography
- "Cordón Caulle occupies the center and Cordillera Nevada lies at the NW end of the alignment and owes its name due to often being seen with snow from the relatively dense populated Chilean Central Valley." - Tighten slightly to "Cordón Caulle occupies the center. Cordillera Nevada, at the northwest end of the alignment, owes its name to its often snowy appearance from the relatively densely populated Chilean Central Valley."
- thank you for the improvement.
- "The three volcanoes are coalesced with Puyehue being the southern and easternmost one." - Suggestion: "Puyehue is the most southern and eastern of the three coalesced volcanoes."
- Improvement done.
- "The lower parts of the mountains are covered by an alpine association of Valdivian temperate rainforest, with species such as Chusquea coleou and Nothofagus dombeyi being common." - "With" plus "being" constructions are usually less direct than alternatives. Suggestion: "The lower parts of the mountains are covered by an alpine association of Valdivian temperate rainforest, where species such as Chusquea coleou and Nothofagus dombeyi are common."
- Included suggestions.
- What is an "alpine association"?
- Changed alpine association with alpine plant association"
- "The tree line lies around 1500 meters." - Wikipedia articles generally give measurements in metric and imperial units. A North American audience may be left out if only metric is used. I like to use the {{convert}} template for the conversions since it handles spelling and abbreviating automatically as well as the math; e.g. 1,500 metres (4,900 ft). Ditto for areas and temperatures throughout the article.
- Put convert template on all places where units of measurment are used (except time!).
- The first paragraph of this section lacks sources. A good rule of thumb is to source every paragraph as well as any statistics or claims that are not common knowledge and might be doubted. Ditto for all of the other unsourced paragraphs in the article.
- Put one new sourced sentence into flora. It will be difficult to source everthing in the article with quality (that the source says exactly what is said in the article) and sources of quality (no-self publications, newpapers, cientific articles, official websites of nationapark or government office)
Geologic history
- "although to older parts of Cordillera Nevada and Mencheca are older than that" - "the" rather than "to"?
- I'll stop commenting line-by-line on prose and style issues from this point on except to say that a bit more copyediting would be a good idea.
Images
- The map of the volcanic zones is helpful, but the source information on the license page should include a source for the base map as well as a source for the additional information added to the base map. Ditto for the ASTER map.
- will deal with the item soon.
- Image:Caullehotspring.jpg lacks a description on its license page.
- License added.
General
- The dabfinder tool in the upper-right-hand corner of this review page finds three links that go to disambiguation pages rather than their intended targets.
- Fixed all except hiatus because in the disambiguation page there is desciption of what a hiatus is in geology put not a link to page about that.
I hope these few suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 21:32, 23 October 2009 (UTC)