Wikipedia:Peer review/Razer Naga/archive1

Razer Naga

I've listed this article for peer review because I wish to bring this article to GA status. I think this would be the first good article about a gaming peripheral or mouse. Any comments, whether they be in-depth or simply passerby comments will be appreciated! Anarchyte (work | talk) 08:07, 24 October 2016 (UTC)

Comments by The1337gamer

Haven't read through the entire article. I may add more comments at a later date. I think the last paragraph in the lead should be tweaked a little.

• All of the Nagas received positive reviews from critics and reviewers, except the Naga Epic, Naga Hex, and Naga Hex v2 which received mixed reviews.

Saying All of the Nagas and then making three exceptions seems almost contradictory. I would rephrase or scrap this sentence. You could replace with a sentence that highlights some of the positive qualities of the well-received mice.

--The1337gamer (talk) 17:57, 25 October 2016 (UTC)

@The1337gamer: Thanks for the comment. I've rephrased that sentence. Anarchyte (work | talk), 05:28, 26 October 2016 (UTC)

Comments from Jaguar

• "as well as possibly a World of Warcraft race with the same name" - just to clarify, what is the race called? Razer or Naga?
• "All of the mice have a polling rate of 1000Mhz" - I think the 'H' in megahertz is capitalised?
• At a first glance I think some of the article's paragraphs seem a tad disproportionate in length. I'd recommend expanding the reception paragraph of the lead somewhat and merging a couple of paragraphs in the reception section

  What do you suggest I merge? Each paragraph talks about a different mouse.

• On second thought I think it should be OK. I should have crossed out that comment once I realised it talked about a different mouse each time. JAGUAR  11:23, 1 November 2016 (UTC)

• "with twelve being on the left side of the mouse, with a switch on the belly of the mouse that maps them" - repetition of 'with'
• "It was also released with an interchangeable side panel and the ability to change the color of the lights" - the source mentions that it has 16 million different colour combinations, so it could be worth mentioning here
• "A redesigned version of the Naga, called the Naga Molten" - redesigned version of which Naga? The original one? They all have Naga in their name so it can get confusing
• "allowing all the buttons to be programmed and that information to be stored online.." - double full stop
• "Also released during 2012 was the Naga Hex, the first mouse in the series to have only six side-on buttons. Each of the buttons was programmable" - this could be condensed to Also released in 2012 was the Naga Hex, the first mouse in the series to have only programmable six side-on buttons
• "It is the first iteration in the Naga series to have a maximum DPI of 8200" - DPI is already linked in this section, so it should be unlinked here
• "The Razer Naga had a positive reception" - mention that this is the first mouse (if the reception section goes in chronological order)
• "Ben Kuchera, of Ars Technica, another tech news site, called it a "niche product"" - seems redundant, try Ben Kuchera of Ars Technica called it a "niche product"
• "with the buttons that are unappealing to people who do not play MMO games" - this could also be better phrased to stating that the buttons were unappealing to people who did not play MMO games?
• "Stuart Davidson of the hardware news site Hardware Heaven thought that the Naga was a fantastic mouse when all things were considered, although it was let down by the limited options for driver customization" - this needs to be in quotation marks or paraphrased
• "The redesigned version of the Naga, called the Naga Epic Molten, received positive reviews for its design" - is this going to be expanded?

  No, that sentence simply states that the new design received positive reception. Besides the design, everything else is the same, as said in the history section.

• "Critics had mixed feelings about the Naga Epic; many thought the price was too high" - try Critics had mixed feelings about the Naga Epic, with many believing the price was too high
• "The reviewers at PC Magazine called the Epic expensive" - thought that the Epic was expensive
• "Mathew McCurley of tech blog Engadget" - not necessary
• "and the wireless capability of the mouse and said that if "you're interested in trying something new, give it a shot."" - and stated that "if you're interested in trying something new, give it a shot". It's just that the next sentence repeats "he said"
• "with the only the Value receiving a rating lower than a 10 at 9/10" - 'value' should be in quotations and de-capitalised
• "Stuart Davidson praised the comfort of the mouse" - Davidson's review could be expanded upon slightly using the source

  I'll take a look when I have more time.

• "he Naga 2014 received positive reviews, with many reviewers liking the comfort and the feel of the buttons" - try enjoying to mix things up
• "He noted that the button arrangement may take some time to get used to" - should be in quotes

(edit conflict × 3) @Jaguar: Cheers for the review. I've completed all of the suggestions and left a couple comments/questions above. Anarchyte (work | talk) 11:20, 1 November 2016 (UTC)

(edit conflict) @Anarchyte: that's what I could find during my first read through. I hope that this helps make the future GA review smoother! Sorry for the edit conflicts. JAGUAR  11:21, 1 November 2016 (UTC)

Misc.

There's a fair amount that can be rephrased in the lede. This should be an introduction to the topic—the mice, their popularity, their noteworthy features.

The mice are, in order of release: the Naga, Naga Epic, Naga 2012, Naga Hex, Naga 2014, Naga Epic Chroma, Naga Chroma, and Naga Hex v2. The first four versions have DPIs of 5600 and 3.5G laser sensors, the next two versions have DPIs of 8200 and 4G laser sensors, and the most recent versions have DPIs of 16000 and 5G laser sensors.

Think about how you can phrase this such that it isn't caught up in jargon. Do we need all the names of the individual mice, or is that not important for the lede? Do we need the specific DPI numbers in the lede? (Where would they be necessary, and why would a reader compare between the two?) What do those DPI numbers represent—are they on par with other gaming mice or is there anything noteworthy about them? That's more of where you should be heading. Also avoid phrasing that creates more questions than it answers (e.g., "is believed to be" by whom?) czar 21:25, 10 November 2016 (UTC)

@Czar: I've added info about DPI and polling rate. I'm not sure how I'd rewrite the lede if I removed all the content, and I think it'd be good to include it anyway, though I'm open to suggestions. Anarchyte (work | talk) 11:23, 11 November 2016 (UTC)

You know the sources better so I can't offer wording here

The first four versions have DPIs of 5600 and 3.5G laser sensors, the next two versions have DPIs of 8200 and 4G laser sensors, and the most recent versions have DPIs of 16000 and 5G laser sensors.

What is the import of this statement? This reader's eyes glazed over and I don't know what another reader should get out of the sentence. Is the reader supposed to make a comparison? Because most won't know the difference between the three DPI numbers, at least. Phrase it however you would summarize it. Perhaps something about how their precision increased over time and why? Anyone who wants specifics is reading further than the lede. The other questions above should help guide too czar 14:41, 11 November 2016 (UTC)

• Also is Hardware Heaven a reliable source? By the way, the article looks complete enough for GA—this is just about improving the article past that low bar at this point. Some editors will have more GA review comments than others, etc. czar 14:44, 11 November 2016 (UTC)

@Czar: I've cut down the DPI specifics in the lead, and regarding Hardware Heaven, I can't find any discussions about it. Should I open a discussion on WP:RSN? Anarchyte (work | talk) 03:51, 12 November 2016 (UTC)

Only if you want—usually it's enough for two editors to not find a source reliable (it has no editorial standards, staff/policy page, etc.) Process for the sake of process is anathema. I still think the DPI part in the lede reads like jargon. Are they considered high DPI? What do those numbers and the differences represent, as phrased for a reader unfamiliar with the subject (thus whey they're coming to read WP)? czar 16:05, 12 November 2016 (UTC)

@Czar: I've removed the DPI content all together, along with the polling rate info from the lede. In the reception section I've removed all the reviews from Hardware Heaven as I couldn't find any "About us" or staff pages. Anarchyte (work | talk) 06:00, 13 November 2016 (UTC)

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@The1337gamer, Jaguar, and Czar: Thanks for your help on the article. I'm closing this discussion and I'm going to nominate it for GA. Anarchyte (work | talk) 09:44, 13 November 2016 (UTC)