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Wikipedia:Peer review/Resident Evil: Apocalypse/archive1

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Resident Evil: Apocalypse

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I've listed this article for peer review because I've recently overhauled it and would like to eventually nominate it for featured status. In return for your comments here I will gladly review any PR or GAN of your choice.

Thanks, Freikorp (talk) 04:50, 9 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

I'm very happy with the two reviews this received; going to close it now and nominate it for FAC. Freikorp (talk) 00:34, 22 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Comments by Cognissonance
  • "At a separate location Valentine, Wells, and news reporter Terri Morales are about to be overrun though they are saved by Alice" Reads like it lacks rhythm. Suggestion: "At a separate location, Valentine, Wells, and news reporter Terri Morales are about to be overrun, but for Alice who comes to their rescue"
  • "Umbrella dispatches their Nemesis, an experimental supersoldier, for testing" It will be less confusing like this: "Umbrella dispatches an experimental supersoldier, Nemesis, for testing"
  • "Alice and the others head to Angela's location, but they are ambushed by Nemesis" Maybe lose the they, as the subjects of the word have already been mentioned.
  • "Wells is killed by Valentine after turning into a zombie" Not clear who turned into a zombie. Valentine is mentioned later, but I'd still clarify.
  • "Morales and Ginovaef and killed during the rescue" I'd fix this myself, if I could remember when exactly they were killed. Apply are or were in the place of "and".
  • "Angela reveals the virus causing the zombie outbreak was created by Dr. Ashford in an attempt to treat a genetic disease she suffers from" Was copyediting this in my head while reading it: "Angela reveals that the zombie outbreak was caused by a virus created by Dr. Ashford in an attempt to treat a genetic disease she suffers from"
  • "where a helicopter awaits them" them is unnecessary.
  • I would refer to Cain as Major Cain when he appears with last name only. Like with Dr. Ashford, it's easier to remember the character that way.
  • It's not a glaring issue, but the word "though" is used as a crutch in this section. Consider changing a few of them.
  • "TV footage explains the nuclear attack was covered-up by Umbrella and attributed to a meltdown of the city's nuclear power plant" It gives the impression that Umbrella was exposed on the TV footage. Clarify: "TV footage attributes the nuclear attack to a meltdown of the city's power plant, covering up Umbrella's involvement"
  • "Marcus Nispel was hired to create a teaser trailer for the film titled Regenerate" Clarify: "Marcus Nispel was hired to create a teaser trailer, titled Regenerate"
  • "before the women in the commercial turns into a zombie" Fix grammar: "before the woman in the commercial turns into a zombie"

Mostly a prose review, but these were the things that popped out at me. Cognissonance (talk) 18:14, 9 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

I've implemented all of these changes Cognissonance. Thanks so much for your comments. Freikorp (talk) 23:26, 9 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Comments from Aoba47
  • I would add ALT text for the infobox image.
  • I would revise this sentence (The second installment in the Resident Evil film series, which is based on the video game series Resident Evil, the film stars Milla Jovovich as Alice, Sienna Guillory as Jill Valentine and Oded Fehr as Carlos Oliveira.) as the two parts of the sentence transition rather awkwardly from one idea to the other. I would either improve the flow of the sentence or break it apart into two.
  • In this part (Directly following the events of the first film, in which the heroine Alice escapes an underground facility overrun by zombies, in Resident Evil: Apocalypse), I do not think you need this “in Resident Evil: Apocalypse”.
  • In this sentence (Resident Evil: Apocalypse received mostly negative reviews from critics who criticized the plot, though the film did receive praise for its action sequences.), I would link critics to film criticism.
  • I do not believe that the Milla Jovovich image fits in the “Themes” section.
  • In this part (Writing for Jump Cut: A Review of Contemporary Media,), I would clarify what “Jump Cut: A Review of Contemporary Media” exactly is. Is it a journal? A website?
  • The first Resident Evil film is linked multiple times in the body of the article.
  • Jill Valentine does not need to be linked in the “Pre-production” subsection.
  • For this part (and the character was scrapped.), I am not certain about the use of the word “scrapped”. Maybe, revise it to “and the character was removed from the film”?
  • I would work on the flow of the “Casting” subsection as it transitions rather awkwardly between the casting of Claire Redfield to the casting of Jill Valentine to the casting Nemesis.
  • For this part (by the horror film Saw), put Saw in italics as it is the title of a film.
  • I would use topic sentences in the “Critical response” section for the second and third paragraphs.

Here are some things that I noticed during my first read-through. Hope you found it helpful. Aoba47 (talk) 16:53, 10 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your comments Aoba47, it was very helpful. I've implemented everything except the flow of casting and the topic sentences, which I intend to get to later. :) Freikorp (talk) 10:43, 11 December 2017 (UTC)[reply]
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