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Saltwell Park

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've worked this article up from a stub to a successful GA nomination last month. I'm considering giving this a run at FAC and would like someone to cast an eye over it for some of the things I usually fail to spot such as grammatical errors, poor use of HTML/templates and the ocassional puffery...Meetthefeebles (talk) 13:44, 5 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]


You've certainly done an excellent job on this article so far, and I can see this gaining Featured Article status in the not-too-distant future. I've a few comments for you, mostly picky ones which are down to my personal preferences regarding sentence structure which you may or may not agree with.

Lead:

  • Why is the website URL in the infobox commented out?
Spotted and fixed Meetthefeebles (talk) 14:42, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and is (in 2012) one of fifty Green Heritage sites in the UK" → "and was named one of the UK's fifty Green Heritage sites in 2012"
Seems reasonable; changed. I've also updated slightly (there are now 55 and the park is still one of them)Meetthefeebles (talk) 14:42, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • References 3 and 4 are the same URL.
Indeed. Merged Meetthefeebles (talk) 14:42, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Conception and opening

  • "was in the hands of William Wailes–" → "was owned by William Wailes," (I believe it's better to use a comma here instead of an endash).
Okay, changed Meetthefeebles (talk) 14:42, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Reference 8: this citation appears to be incomplete. Is Pevsner the author or the title? Is there a URL, IBSN, publisher or date available?
Good spot – for some reason I didn't include a bibliography. Rather than start one with just one book I've added a 'cite book' ref. Meetthefeebles (talk) 14:42, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • 3rd paragraph: it might be worth wikilinking Sir Water James here, assuming he has an article - I'm making an educated guess that this is Walter James, 1st Baron Northbourne, although it could well be the 2nd Baron.
I reckon it is the 2nd Baron and have linked accordingly. Meetthefeebles (talk) 14:42, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "his entire estate for £32,000[nb 1] and, in March 1875," → "his entire estate for £32,000,[nb 1] and in March 1875,"
Changed Meetthefeebles (talk) 14:42, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In March 1875 the park committee formally opened talks with Wailes" - As the term "in March 1875" has already been used in the previous sentence, repeating it here affects the flow. Consider changing this sentence to "The park committee formally opened talks with Wailes shortly afterwards"
I've changed to 'Later that month' to improve flow as suggested. Meetthefeebles (talk) 14:42, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • As it stands at the moment, the year 1875 is mentioned four times in three sentences, and as these events occurred in the same year, this repetition isn't necessary. Consider changing "after various proposals were considered and rejected, in September 1875 the council decided to buy the entire Saltwellgate estate"to "after various proposals were considered and rejected, the council decided to buy the entire Saltwellgate estate five months later"
Good spot. I've removed two of the four to reduce this redundancy. Meetthefeebles (talk) 15:14, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "after having secured" → "after securing"
Changed as suggested Meetthefeebles (talk) 15:14, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Design and layout

  • Reference 13 - although the link still works, the link redirects to a different URL (chances are the website owners have reorganised some of its pages since the reference was added to the article). Update the URL, just in case the website's owners decide to remove their redirects altogether.
The redirect has indeed gone. Updated as suggested Meetthefeebles (talk) 15:14, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...known as Saltwell Grove, or locally "The Grove", after these were purchased..." → "...known as Saltwell Grove (or "The Grove") after these were purchased..."
Done Meetthefeebles (talk) 15:14, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Principal attractions

  • "great, great grandson" → "great-great-grandson"
Changed Meetthefeebles (talk) 15:14, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "To the north-west of Saltwell Towers there is a stable block, built in 1871" → "A stable block is located to the north-west of Saltwell Towers, built in 1871"
Changed Meetthefeebles (talk) 15:14, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "This is a sandstone construction, dated 1872, with a basin in the central alcove." → "Dated 1872, this is a sandstone construction with a basin in the central alcove.""
Changed Meetthefeebles (talk) 15:14, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "is a Grade II listed statue of Alderman John Lucas. This is a bronze statue on a sandstone plinth and granite base." → "is a Grade II listed bronze statue of Alderman John Lucas, mounted on a sandstone plinth and granite base." (wikilink optional!)
Changed (wikilink included!) Meetthefeebles (talk) 15:14, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "but this is something of a misnomer– " - the endash needs a space before it as well as after.
  • The sentences describing the wildfowl have inconsistent pluralisation - some species are described as singular (mallard, coot, moorhen) while some are plural (ducks, swans, geese). Personally, I believe these should all be plural.
This has now been done Meetthefeebles (talk) 15:14, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Common pochard --> Common Pochard
Changed Meetthefeebles (talk) 15:14, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "There have been animals kept in Saltwell Park since June 1877. In the immediate years after the park opened these included monkeys, deer and a raccoon." → "There have been animals kept in Saltwell Park since June 1877 – initially, these included monkeys, deer and a raccoon."
Changed Meetthefeebles (talk) 15:14, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and this was replaced" → "and was subsequently replaced"
Done Meetthefeebles (talk) 15:14, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "This was then moved to the island in the lake and moved again to Saltwell Grove." When did these moves happen?
  • "well used" → "well-used"
changed Meetthefeebles (talk) 15:14, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Park use

  • "On opening," → "Upon opening," Also, consider moving reference 10 from the middle to the end of the sentence.
Both done Meetthefeebles (talk) 15:14, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Three fun runs around the boating lake attracted over 4,000 participants" - did each fun run attract 4000 participants, or did the 3 runs attract a total of 4000?
4,000 in total. Changed Meetthefeebles (talk) 15:14, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

References

  • I've noticed a number of reference titles use an endash with a space after but not before (for example, "Gateshead Places– Saltwell Park"). Ideally, there should a space before and after the dash, as you've used for reference 3.
I think I've got these all Meetthefeebles (talk) 15:14, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Cheers, ★ Bald Zebra ★ talk 16:22, 18 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for picking this up and taking the time to read through and leave suggestions. I'm snowed under at work at the moment so will start working through them over the weekend... Meetthefeebles (talk) 22:20, 19 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Better late than never; I've now addressed all of these. Thanks for your effort in providing this PRMeetthefeebles (talk) 15:14, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
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