Wikipedia:Peer review/So (album)/archive1

So (album)

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Hello, I am requesting a peer review as I believe that with some work, this article could be a featured article. I would appreciate comments on anything, but especially prose, because I know that when you are absorbed in an article for so long, inevitable redundancies appear! Cheers, —JennKR | ☎ 16:05, 19 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Esprit15d

First off, this is a strong article, so congratulations there. It's clear that a lot of care and conscientiousness has gone into its development. The references section in particular is exceptional. Here a few areas of improvement that I noticed:

" It is Gabriel's first non-eponymous album; So representing an "anti-title" that resulted from label pressure to properly market his music." -- A semicolon should come between two complete sentences. The second part is a fragment.

Done —JennKR | ☎ 20:38, 25 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]

From the lead: "orchestral project New Blood and issued as a box set the same year." -- I see the Oxford comma used elsewhere in the article, so I would add it after "Blood."

Not Done: there shouldn't be use of the Oxon comma, so I'll go through and remove it. —JennKR | ☎ 20:38, 25 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"Prior to recording So, Gabriel had released four studio albums all titled Peter Gabriel." -- The word "had" is unnecessary.

Done —JennKR | ☎ 20:38, 25 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"His second album, Scratch, (1978) fared less well" -- remove the comma

Done —JennKR | ☎ 20:38, 25 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"with a WOMAD album featuring himself, Robert Fripp, Pete Townshend and other world music artists following." -- the phrase "other world music artists following" is possibly missing an apostrophe after "world," but still is very confusing. Would it be better to say "other artists that follow world music"?

Done clarified. —JennKR | ☎ 20:38, 25 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"Gabriel had begun work on some songs, and provided Lanois and Rhodes" -- remove the comma

Done —JennKR | ☎ 20:38, 25 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]

" Consequently, there was a relaxed atmosphere surrounding these sessions and the trio would jokingly refer to themselves as The Three Stooges, an American vaudeville act of the mid-twentieth century, and wore construction site hard hats as they had a "turning up for work humour"." -- I would start a new sentence after "twentieth century."

Done —JennKR | ☎ 20:38, 25 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"So was completed in February 1986 and cost £ 200,000 to make" -- remove the space after the pound.

Done —JennKR | ☎ 20:38, 25 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]

" It was over-dubbed at Power Station Studios in New York, despite Gabriel considering sending it via a computer-telephone set up, reasoning, "but that's a lot of information to send via phone. Isn't it amazing though? You can send a song idea around the world to musicians then beam parts back by satellite"" -- Take out the "but" from the quote (because but is a conjunction, but we don't have have the first part of the statement, so it is disagreeing with nothing.). Also, maybe rephrase the sentence to make it clearer that Gabriel was originally considering sending it by--what I guess was--the early internet, but then didn't.

Done —JennKR | ☎ 20:38, 25 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I ran out of time to read the rest of the article in detail, but again, congrats and best wishes on taking this to featured status.--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 12:46, 8 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

@Esprit15d: Many thanks for your time taken on this! Best wishes, —JennKR | ☎ 20:38, 25 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]