Wikipedia:Peer review/Super Mario Kart/archive1

Super Mario Kart

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'm getting ready to nominate the article as a Featured Article candidate. This article has recently undergone major expansion and was recently promoted to Good Article status.

Cheers, CarterRodriguez 02:18, 26 August 2010 (UTC) [reply]

Finetooth comments: This is a good start, and I think I would like playing the game, but the article is not ready for FAC. The main problem is a lack of precise prose, especially in the earlier sections. This leads to confusion about three words: player, character, and kart. They need to be kept distinct, and the language used to describe them needs to be exact. The article also needs line-by-line copyediting to fix errors in grammar, logic, and word order, and to repair or eliminate some of the compound adjectives. I made a few c/e changes to the lead. Here are some specific suggestions or comments, but they don't cover every small problem.

No dabs, no dead urls in citations. This is good.

Lead

"The game is also seen as having been key to expanding the Mario series into non-platforming games... " - "Non-platforming" needs a link or a brief explanation. What is a platform game?

Done! Posted by Pepperman 22:14, 9 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Gameplay

"There is also a battle mode in which the aim is to attack the other human player." - It's important to maintain a distinction between living human players and their virtual karts. Suggestion: "There is also a battle mode in which the aim is to attack the karts of the other human players."

"During races players can pick up power ups... " - I changed a couple of these to "power-ups" in the lead, but this one and any others should be changed too. Just add a hyphen.

"Having more coins increases the racer's top speed and protects players from spinning when hit by another kart... " - Here's another sentence that confuses the living human players with the players' karts. The players don't spin, but their karts do. Also, I think you may mean "characters" or "avatars" sometimes when you say "players".

"Players also lose coins when they are hit by power ups and when Lakitu returns them to the track after they fall off." - Confusing. Players (I guess) may lose coins, but they are not hit by power-ups; their karts might be. Furthermore, is "hit" the right word? Do power-ups hit karts, or do karts hit power-ups (bananas, shells). The language needs to be precise.

Game modes

Shorten subhead to "Modes"?

Done! Posted by Pepperman 22:09, 9 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"In Mario Kart GP one player races against seven computer-controlled characters in a series of five races called cups." - Shouldn't this say, "In Mario Kart GP one player's character races against seven computer-controlled characters in a series of five races called cups"? I think you could use "avatar" instead of character to avoid using "character" twice in the same sentence, but either would maintain the important distinction between the human player and his or her virtual character.

"In order to continue through a cup a position of fourth or higher must be achieved in each race." - The position doesn't continue. Suggestion: "In order to continue through a cup, the player's character must achieve a position of fourth or higher in each race."

Legacy

"and the Mario Party series of board game based, party games" - Quite a few compound adjectives with multiple parts appear in the article. They are often awkward and seem to demand hyphens, but this can lead to too many hyphenated strings. Another kind of solution is to re-write them to eliminate the strings, like this: "and the Mario Party series of party games based on board games".

Sequels

"Eurogamer stated that problems emulating the Mode 7 graphics were responsible for its absence." - The problems didn't emulate the Mode 7 graphics. Maybe "problems developers encountered while trying to emulate the Mode 7 graphics... ".

Images

It's doubtful that you can make a convincing case for using three fair-use images. The lead image should be no problem, but do the other two convey information that isn't and can't be conveyed by text alone?

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR; that is where I found this one. I don't usually watch the PR archives or check corrections or changes. If my comments are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 19:31, 14 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Jappalang

I was going through the article at the same time as Finetooth, so I might be repeating some of his concerns.

General

Why are – used in place of —?

Watch the noun plus -ings...

Gameplay

Super long paragraph; can be split; recommend at "... attack the other human player. During races ..."

"While racing the player's viewpoint is from behind the kart, the view behind the kart can be displayed on the lower half of the screen in single player mode."
"Racing the player's viewpoint"? This is where commas help: "While racing, the player's viewpoint ..." Even then, I am not entirely certain whether it is grammatically sound... Suggestion: "During a race, the player's viewpoint is from behind his or her kart." I would drop the second clause in the original sentence because I think the possible location of the display for single player mode is not that important. Note: I have boldly implemented my suggestion but am offering my reasoning here.

"In race modes players attempt to finish in front of other opponents – which can be computer controlled or controlled by other human players – or aim to complete a circuit in the fastest possible time."
Why not simply, "The goal of the game is to either finish a race ahead of other racers, who are controlled by the computer and other players, or complete a circuit in the fastest time." Note: I have boldly implemented my suggestion but am offering my reasoning here.

"There is also a battle mode in which the aim is to attack the other human player."
There is a mode in which the game monitors and judges your physical assault on another player?

"... player can <do this> ..."
I am not particularly enamoured with this sort of sentence, although I understand the difficulty in writing about gameplay. Use it sparingly. If the action is very much common, it is better to use an assertive voice to describe it.

"During races players can pick up power ups by driving over question mark tiles on the track; these are used to gain an advantage during the race. Examples of power ups include shells and bananas which cause racers to spin if hit and stars which make the player temporarily invulnerable to attack."
As such, "Tiles marked with question marks are arrayed on the race tracks; they give special abilities (power ups) to a player's kart if the vehicle passes over them. Power ups, such as the ability to throw shells and bananas, allow racers to hit others with the objects, causing them to spin and lose control. A kart that obtains the star power up is temporary invulnerable to attack." Note: I have boldly implemented my suggestion but am offering my reasoning here.

"Computer players have specific special powers associated with each character, that they are able to use throughout the race."
Human-controlled characters do not?

"In competitive race modes coins can be picked up along the tracks. Having more coins increases the racer's top speed and protects players from spinning when hit by another kart: they instead lose a coin. Players also lose coins when they are hit by power ups and when Lakitu returns them to the track after they fall off."
Who is Lakitu? Is he or she that relevant? "Lines of coins are found on the tracks in competitive race modes. By running over these coins, a kart collects them and increases its top speed. Having coins also helps players when their kart is hit by another: instead of spinning and losing control, they lose a coin. Coins are also lost when karts are struck by power ups or fall off the tracks." Note: I have boldly implemented my suggestion but am offering my reasoning here.

"Players are able to "power slide" around corners in order to maintain their speed, although power sliding for too long causes the kart to spin. Karts are also able to hop which can facilitate faster, tighter turning."
"The game features advanced maneuvers such as power sliding and hopping. Power sliding allows a kart to mantain its speed while turning, although executing the maneuver for too long causes the kart to spin. Hopping helps a kart execute tighter turns: the kart makes a short hop and turns in the air, speeding off in the new direction when it lands." Note: I have boldly implemented my suggestion but am offering my reasoning here.

"IGN stated that the gameplay mechanics defined the genre."
Defined what? In what sense?

Why is there a See also to Mario Kart#Gameplay when this section is more detailed than that?

I think an opinion (and likely copy-edit) from a non-gamer viewpoint is needed. As such, I am not going through the other parts of Gameplay.

Development

"The intention to create the racing modes of the game had been present from the start of the project ..."
I am quite certain no one would create a racing game without having "racing modes" as their initial design... or is there a particular mode or such that this sentence is about?

"The choice was made after the development team, when observing how one kart looked to another driving past it, decided to see what it would look like with Mario in the kart."
This sentence does not feel quite right to me...

Reception

"Aggregate scoring sites GameRankings and MobyGames both give an average of more than 90 percent, ..."
If I still remember my last interactions with WP:VG correctly, MobyGames is not a reliable source for aggregate scores. Regardless, do we need another two (GameStats and TopTenReviews)? Do we need any even?

How are Thunderbolt and HonestGamers reliable (or often quoted experts by third-party sources)?

Images

File:Super Mario Kart characters.jpg
Fails NFCC#1 and #8, File:Super Mario Kart screen shot.jpg can also "illustrate the playable characters and their design which is described in the article text"; furthermore, Super Mario Kart screen shot.jpg shows gameplay, which is harder to describe than a rectangular screen with two rows of four boxes that shows the characters in them. How much critical commentary is focused on this character selection interface? Whatever is there in the article points to actual gameplay graphics than the selection screen. I would concentrate on beefing up the rationale for the gameplay screen shot since it helps on more fronts than this character selection screen.

I agree with Finetooth in that some more work needs to be done. In particular, a non-gamer's viewpoint should be considered. A copy-editor should also be roped in to give the prose a final polish. Jappalang (talk) 06:51, 1 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I can tell you, right now, that the review sources aren't going to cut it for FAC. GameRankings isn't good for specific review references; all it gives is the score, which is the least important part. The article provides the reviews from less-reliable sources like Nintendojo, Thunderbolt, Cubed3, et al, but does not contain those from the critical, reliable sources at the time of the game's release. These included Game Informer, Electronic Gaming Monthly, Nintendo Power and GamePro. The Nintendo Power review for the game is available from the WP:VG Reference Library; as shown here, Pagrashtak has the issue, and is willing to provide excerpts/scans.

If the other reviews I mentioned are too difficult to locate, there are more options. You can use less-reliable-but-still-reliable sources from the time, such as VideoGames & Computer Entertainment. While he doesn't list the information for the issue, if you give him a general idea of when the game might have been reviewed by this publication, MuZemike would probably be willing to help you. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 07:47, 24 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]