Wikipedia:Peer review/The Guardian Legend/archive3

The Guardian Legend

This is the third time I am nominating this article for a peer review. Since the last peer review over a month ago, Rg998 and I have extensively improved the article, with Rg998 providing newly-added sources as well as extensive copyediting. The purpose of this peer review is to see what else can be done before we nominate this article of GA (Article is currently B-class.) so we stand the best possible chance of passing. MuZemike (talk) 19:27, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Red Phoenix ^{flame of life...}^{protector of all...} Due to time restraints, I'm not looking into this too much at the moment, but since there's no comments, I thought I'd leave you a few suggestions from what I saw.

Make sure there's citations for everything and nothing can be considered original research. For example, I saw lots of uncited statements at the ends of paragraphs. Make sure they have citations.
Citation for the instruction manual, I've got a suggestion on how to improve it: include the game title in the reference and add the publisher (which would be the game company).
Citations from the internet also need publisher information, namely the web site it comes from.
You might need more reviews for the rewiew box if you can find more.

That should get you started. Red Phoenix ^{flame of life...}^{protector of all...} 15:20, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Guyinblack25

It's always cool to see older games like this improve. I hope my comments can help it progress up the quality scale. Here's what stood out to me.

The lead

I'm not sure the "action-adventure/shoot 'em up" should be listed like that. Maybe try this, your call though:
"...is a video game with a mix of action-adventure and shoot 'em up gameplay..."
Template:Nihongo can include a parameter for extra information. In this case you should probably include the English translation of the katakana. With that there, I would then remove it from the second sentence.
"{{nihongo|'''''The Guardian Legend'''''|ガーディック外伝|Gādikku Gaiden|Guardic Gaiden}}"
"NES" shows up a lot in the rest of the article. I would include the acronym after the system name in the first sentence to give context to non-gamers. "Nintendo Entertainment System (NES)"
Minor trimming, "then" is redudant:
"The Guardian Legend was ~~then~~ released in North America by..."
I would make the information about it being a sequel the second sentence in the paragraph. I think it helps give a better sense of context.
More trimming redundancy:
"~~A multitude of d~~Different weapons can be acquired during the course of the game..."
More trimming:
"The Guardian Legend ~~has~~ received mixed reviews from magazines such..."
Tweak sentence structure. Either "was" or "has been":
"While it has been praised for its impressive graphics..."
Not a big deal, but maybe cut down on the number of times the title is used in the lead.
"Though The Guardian Legend received little fanfare upon its initial..."

Gameplay

The first paragraph makes some references to "The Guardian" doing things in the game when really it is the player controlling The Guardian. I would switch these two sentences out the with "the player". See examples: *
"While inside, ~~The Guardian~~the player must destroy ten safety..."
*
"...hostile alien lifeforms which ~~The Guardian~~the player must fight through..."
More trimming redundancy:
"...guard Naju's self-destruct mechanism ~~in order~~ to activate it..."
I'm not so sure the first instance of Lander should be italicized.
I would add a short one sentence description about how the Labyrinth relates to the space station. I assume the Labyrinth is Naju, but this is not completely clear from reading the gameplay section.
I would maybe expand the labyrinth caption some. It's fine as it is, but I think it doesn't fully explain the screen shot

Development

Trim weasel word "yet again"
"The box art was changed ~~yet again~~ on the European version..."
You may encounter some opposition to the the last paragraph of this section. Some editors may want you to add citations to it even though it is hardly controversial content. I think you're fine for GAN, but FAC may jump on you.
I'm not entirely sure the image gallery can be justified either; I'm no NFCC expert.

Reception

This sentence is an odd way to start the section. I would use the sentence after it. Also "although" sounds like a weasel word here. "Although The Guardian Legend was generally well-received, no sequel..."
The EGM reviewer count is confusing; "a third" implies a second and first, but only two total are mentioned.
"However, ~~a third~~ another reviewer wrote that the..."
Like Lander, I'm not so sure Nintendo's Top 30 should be italicized.
Run-on sentence, split it up:
"The editors praised The Guardian Legend, describing the protagonist as "the ultimate transforming hero"~~, and t~~. The game would remain on the chart for nearly a year."
I would also consider moving the last part to the other part about the Top 30 charts to give it better context.

The article could pass GA with little problem, and even A-Class in the VG Project. It also has real potential to make it to FA if the development section is expanded. The only other thing I would suggest is to find some sales figures. I know those two things might not be possible, but those are what reviewers will probably request at FAC to satisfy comprehensiveness. I hope this helps and keep up the good work. (Guyinblack25 ^talk 21:15, 5 August 2008 (UTC))[reply]