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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because, following a virtual re-write, I'd like to have it sense-checked by an outsider, and push the article towards GA and FA (I've done this a few times, but not on a biographical article and not for some time now).
Thanks, --Jza84 | Talk 17:40, 22 November 2012 (UTC)
Comments by Oldelpaso
Seeing as Lloyd is now the police commissioner for where I live, I may as well take the opportunity to read through the article and learn more about him.
- The sentence starting "Born in Stretford" could do with chopping up. Birth to the 1997 election is a lot of ground for one sentence.
- Vote figures for the PCC elections seem undue weight for the lead. Its also a little odd that it is the only election in the article for which vote share is discussed, given the number of elections Lloyd has been involved in.
- More information on how he entered Parliament would be useful. As Stretford went Conservative in the previous four elections it looks like there might be a story there. A gain from the Tories must have been unusual in the "longest suicide note in history" era.
- Worth mentioning that Manchester Central is/was a safe seat earlier than its current position near the end of the article.
- His overall political position and/or philosophy isn't too clear. We get hints, but these are subtle and require knowledge of figures in the Labour party. e.g. Lloyd typically supports left-of-centre politics, and voted accordingly for Brian Gould and John Prescott respectively... assumes knowledge of the field of candidates in those elections. I don't know much about Lloyd's political position myself, and it is the sort of thing I'd like to learn from the article. Its a bit too reliant on voting records on specific policies gleaned from TheyWorkForYou, which while useful, are shorn of wider context. For instance, what was his view on Clause IV and the creation of New Labour? To be chair of the parliamentary party normally implies being an exceedingly loyal party man (moreso than the average MP), is that how he is viewed? The bit on him gaining that post says defeating incumbent Ann Clwyd who was perceived to be too close to Blair, does that mean he was thought to identify more with Brown?
- Aside from the party-related stuff listed, did Lloyd have any other extra-parliamentary interests? Might be worth checking through the Register of Members' Interests to help narrow down possible search terms.
Hope this helps. Oldelpaso (talk) 19:31, 22 November 2012 (UTC)
- That helps a great deal thanks - your review has total validity, and is particularly useful as someone under his jurisdiction as PCC. I'll get to work on this in the next day or so. One thing I picked up on myself before the PR request was Lloyd's politics. He's a left-winger for sure, but I'm struggling to find sources to that effect - so you're right in so far as I've hinted at this using the few resources I've found. A serious political mind and researcher would probably have a decent book/source which could resolve that issue nicely; in the meantime I'll try work on that myself. Thanks again, --Jza84 | Talk 00:13, 23 November 2012 (UTC)