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Wikipedia:Peer review/Tropical Storm Nicole (2010)/archive1

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Tropical Storm Nicole (2010)

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like the opinions of others to optimize the quality of the article.

Thanks, ★ Auree talk 07:11, 18 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: Thanks for your work on this interesting article. Poor Jamaica. I have several suggestions for further improvement.

Lead

  • "Due to the asymmetric structure of Nicole, torrential rains fell along its eastern periphery across the western Caribbean, particularly Jamaica." - This can be understood in two quite different ways. It might mean that the asymmetric structure caused the rains to be torrential. Or it might mean that the torrential rains normally associated with a tropical storm were concentrated along its eastern periphery. Could the intended meaning be made more clear?
I've tried to clarify; I'm not sure if this is alright. ★ Auree talk 22:46, 23 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Meteorological history

  • "Only hours after formation, a Hurricane Hunters flight into the system observed a similar composition as initially discerned, with the deepest convection dislocated from the center." - This sentence seems a bit fuzzy to me. Would this be better: "Only hours after the storm's formation, a Hurricane Hunters flight into the system observed a composition similar to the one initially discerned, with the deepest convection dislocated from the center"?
Yes, that does seem better. Thanks ★ Auree talk 22:46, 23 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In addition, the center did not consist of but relatively light winds and sporadic convection — a structure rather characteristic of a monsoon depression." - Tighten to "In addition, the center consisted of relatively light winds and sporadic convection—a structure characteristic of a monsoon depression"? Or am I misunderstanding the meaning? The em dash, by the way, normally appears without spaces in Wikipedia articles.
Tweaked. ★ Auree talk 22:46, 23 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "about 27 hours later than the estimated time of formation revealed by post-analysis.[12][7]" - Refs should appear in ascending order; i.e., [7][12] rather than [12][7].
Done. ★ Auree talk 22:46, 23 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "By 2100 UTC, the storm circulation had become increasingly elongated to the extent of being untrackable, prompting the NHC to discontinue advisories on the storm while it was located about 165 mi (270 km) west of Nassau, Bahamas." - Tighten to "By 2100 UTC, the storm circulation became increasingly elongated and untrackable, prompting the NHC to discontinue advisories when Nicole was about 165 mi (270 km) west of Nassau, Bahamas."
Tweaked. ★ Auree talk 22:46, 23 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Whoops, my bad. Altered text. ★ Auree talk 22:46, 23 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Caribbean

  • "In anticipation of a tropical storm, warnings were issued on September 28 for the Cayman Islands, the northwestern and central Bahamas, and the Cuban provinces of, and those between Matanzas and Ciego de Avila." - Something seems to be missing after "and the Cuban provinces of". More clear would be to name them all.
Mentioned all of the provinces between those two. ★ Auree talk 22:46, 23 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Jamaica

  • "a house succumbed to the effects of the storm next to a pave gully" - Should "pave gully" be briefly explained or linked to something, perhaps street gutter?
Good call. Gully is synonymous with gutter, so I changed it to street gutter instead. ★ Auree talk 22:46, 23 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Associated monetary losses totaled J$274.3 million, of which an estimated J$75.6 million was required to replace destroyed units." - Since most readers are unfamiliar with the J currency, could these two also be rendered in U.S. dollars?
Ack, I can't believe I forgot to do that. Added. ★ Auree talk 22:46, 23 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In Kingston, underpasses suffered severe flooding due to the overwhelming of storm water drains." - Smoother might be "In Kingston, underpasses suffered severe flooding when storm drains were overwhelmed."
That is much smoother, thanks! ★ Auree talk 22:46, 23 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Elsewhere

  • "Florida was spared of direct impact" - I think that should be "from" rather than "of".
Oops. Fixed ★ Auree talk 22:46, 23 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Post-tropical system

  • "moreover, the Neuse River was predicted to crest in Goldsboro that day, as well as in Kinston on October 5." - I think you need to specify the crest height and compare it to other crest heights. Otherwise, it has little significance since rivers often rise and fall with no special consequence.
That part doesn't add much to the article anyway, so I removed it. ★ Auree talk 22:46, 23 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Aftermath

  • "Approximately J$4 million (US$46,806.44)" - I'd round the US figure to $47,000, especially since the J$4 million is approximate. Ditto for the other J to US conversions. Even when the J number is exact, rounding will make the US numbers more readable, and the smaller units (pennies, dimes, individual dollars) are not significant.
I agree; I was just unsure if that was allowed. Thanks for noting ★ Auree talk 22:46, 23 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

References

  • The date formatting needs to be the same throughout the citations. Citation 2, for example, uses two different formats. Either is OK but not both. Most take the form 2011-01-09 already, so switching them all to that form would be fairly easy.
  • Newspaper names should appear in italics. In citation 32, for example, it should be Jamaica Gleaner. Actually, it should be The Gleaner, since that seems to be the actual name of the newspaper. You can use the "work" parameter for the name of the newspaper, and the software will italicize it automatically, or you can italicize it by hand.
  • Citations to web sites should include the name of the publisher. For example, The Gleaner is published by Gleaner Company Ltd. For another example, the publisher of citation 29 is ABC News. In this case, I would probably use Reuters in the author slot and let "staff writer" be assumed.
  • Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider commenting on any other article at WP:PR. I don't usually watch the PR archives or make follow-up comments. If my suggestions are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 18:32, 23 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the suggestions! ★ Auree talk 22:46, 23 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]
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