Wikipedia:Peer review/University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill/archive1

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for May 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because this a broad article and I'd like feedback about which sections need to be improved, expanded, or even removed, as well as anything that should be included that has been omitted. I think a lot of people who have worked on this are UNC students and alumni, myself included, and it would be good to get outside opinion.

Thanks, Artichoke2020 (talk) 03:26, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Peer Review

Here's a review. Sorry if I sound harsh, but it takes to long to be nice in a review, to say "I think this," and "this might be better as"...so I just say what I think. You'll either change it, or you won't. :-)

Here goes;

Far too many refs in the head. As head contains no info not in the article, it actually doesn't require any refs at all. You have 10 - how can you need 10 refs to establish the facts in 3 sentences?

The sentence "Also known as UNC, Carolina, and, especially in sports, North Carolina, the university is the oldest institution and flagship[6][7][8][9][10] of the University of North Carolina system." is very confusing, and 'flagship' isn't very NPOV. I suggest, instead, "Also known as UNC, the university is the oldest in the University of North Carolina system." Keep it simple. Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"first American public university to open its doors to students" - huh? So the others didn't open the doors to students? No-one could get in? I don't understand. Was it the first one in the area, or the first public one...what?

It's a little complicated to squeeze into the lead section. I think it's covered in a different article, but basically the State of Georgia founded a university earlier, in 1786, but didn't get around to building it and starting classes until 1801. The College of William and Mary is now a public school and founded in 1693, but was private until 1888. I think all three claim to be the oldest... Artichoke2020 (talk) 17:48, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

History

What does 'chartered' mean? Maybe a wikilink? Done (Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)) Why is '11 December' a link, but 1795 isn't? Needs to be consistent. Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

No capital T for The after a comma. Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Chapel Hill should be a wikilink. The first time you use a word in a section it can be. Not done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 22:59, 18 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Rephrase "geographic centrality". Maybe "central location within the state". Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"keep its doors open" is colloquial. Change to "stay open". Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"Soon thereafter, however," is a bit messy. Maybe "Soon afterwards, it was forced to close..." Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"three original campuses of the Consolidated University" > ...campuses IN the Consol... Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

coeducational should be a wikilink Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

CAMPUS

"well-landscaped" is opinion, not fact. 'Landscaped' would be fine. Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"mill about" is colloquial Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"As a whole the campus" delete "As a whole" Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Suggest consider splitting this into 3 sub-headings for the 3 campus areas. Not done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 22:59, 18 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

The paragraph is mainly a list, so consider making it a list - it's too long for sentences Not done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 22:59, 18 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"addition" is unneccesary; you've already said it's new Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"enabling the continued growth" - no, it doesn't enable the growth. Perhaps "to cope with future increases in student population" Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"at the spot of the original well that provided" > in the same location as the original well that... Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"planted two genetic clones, Davie Poplar Jr. and Davie Poplar III, nearby to ensure the" > planted two genetic clones nearby, called Davie Poplar Jr. and Davie Poplar III." Delete "to ensure the continued livelihood of this important university symbol". Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Replace "The statue has become a point of debate on Carolina's campus and within its classrooms" with "The statue is controversial" Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

reword next sentence to;

a monument to racism and slavery. Others think that it is simply a piece of the rich heritage of the South, and should be viewed as such. Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

ACADEMICS Curriculum

"meet or exceed" should be plural, "meets or exceeds" Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"required of all students, ensuring that students" > "required of all students, ensuring that they" Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"Schools of Medicine, Business, Pharmacy, Information and Library Science, Public Health, or Journalism and Mass Communication" - do these need initial capital letters? I think all lower-case would be fine. Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Libraries

'composed' > comprised Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Don't wikilink 'million' Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"largest of its kind among state-oriented collections on campuses nationwide" > "largest state-oriented collection nationwide" Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"the Southern and rare book collections housed in Wilson Library are among the country's finest. " - weasel words - maybe "it has an extensive Southern and rare book collection, housed in Wilson Library" Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"oldest WWW Internet website" > "website" 3 tautologies! Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"one of the world's largest collections of freely available information" - citation? Is it bigger than wikipedia? :-)

"Davis Library, situated near the Pit and other central campus landmarks, serves as the university's main library." > "The Davis library, situated near the Pit, is the main library." Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"Notable is the position of fifth in the world of Kenan-Flagler Business School's Executive MBA." > "It was fifth 'Best Executive MBA' by Businesweek in 2005. Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 14:52, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

---out of time, sorry--- -- Chzz ► 07:48, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Wow, someone has been busy!

I've made a note, and will do some further reviewing ASAP. Should be within the next 8 hours.

-- Chzz ► 15:01, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Part 2

Continuation of peer review (sorry for delay)

Scholarships

'full-ride scholarships' - I don't know what these are, so it needs a wikilink, or an explanation. Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 20:03, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I made a couple of changes to links in this section; For example,

a) I changed [[Rhodes Scholars]] to [[Rhodes Scholarship|Rhodes Scholars]] to avoid the link going via a redirect (and thus displaying the 'redirected from...' message). 'Truman' did the same because a capital-letter was missing.

b) I removed the second wikilink to 'Rhodes Scholars'. Only the first occurance of a word within a section should be linked.

I didn't check links throughout, and this needs to be done. Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 22:59, 18 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

--

I suggest changing "The school's sports teams" to "The school sports teams" Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 20:03, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Student organizations

I would shorten as follows;

Most student organizations at UNC are officially recognized and provided with assistance by the Carolina Union, an administrative unit of the university. Funding is derived from the student government student activity fee, which is allocated at the discretion of the student government's Student Congress. Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 20:03, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

(shorter, more NPOV, etc)

"it has a strong tradition" > "it has a tradition" (avoid peacock words) Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 20:03, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"which is a unique mentoring program" > "which is a mentoring program" ditto Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 20:03, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Media organizations - I think this subsection could be called "Media" Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 20:03, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"The ~~school's~~ student run newspaper" Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 20:03, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"broadcasting " > broadcasts Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 20:03, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"Though programming is left up to student DJs, WXYC typically plays..." > "Programming is left up to student DJs. WXYC typically plays..." Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 20:03, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Greek and honor societies

This section needs rephrasing;

There are many fraternities and sororities on campus, belonging to the Panhellenic Council (PHC), Interfraternity Council (IFC), Greek Alliance Council (GAC), and National Panhellenic Council (NPHC), 18% of undergraduates are Greek. UNC offers many professional and service fraternities, many of which fall under the Carolina Union, that do not have houses but are still recognized by the school. Although no GAC or NPHC fraternities and sororities have houses, the organizations remain quite prestigious and are recognized nationwide.

e.g.

Many fraternities and sororities on campus belong to the Panhellenic Council (PHC), including Interfraternity Council (IFC), Greek Alliance Council (GAC), and National Panhellenic Council (NPHC). 18% of undergraduates are Greek. UNC also offers professional and service fraternities that do not have houses but are still recognized by the school. Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 20:03, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

(but I'm not sure of the facts here, - I cut "many of which fall under the Carolina Union, " but might be needed...I was trying to make it more readable)

I also cut "Although no GAC or NPHC fraternities or sororities have houses, the organizations remain quite prestigious and are recognized nationwide." because it's not very WP:NPOV

Note "no GAC or NPHC fraternities or sororities have houses, " OR not AND

Student government

"judicial branch composed of an entirely student-run honor system," > "judicial branch composed of a student-run honor system," Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 20:03, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"and loosely-affiliated Carolina Athletic Association" > "and the loosely-affiliated Carolina Athletic Association" Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 20:03, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"rallied behind" > "supported" WP:NPOV Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 20:03, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Traditions

Athletic rivalries

Too many 'rivalries'. Maybe...

"The South's traditional basketball rivalry between UNC and its first opponent, the University of Virginia, was prominent throughout the 1980s. (date) saw the 111th meeting in football between the two teams. The bitterness of this rivalry has been superceeded by somewhat less historical in-state competiton with Duke University,..." Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 19:09, 18 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Re. "It is traditional to exchange pranks with North Carolina State" - be careful with phrases like this; remember to write from a 3rd-party point-of-view - not 'we' or 'us'. In this particular case, maybe "Traditionally, the students exchange pranks..." Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 20:03, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"North Carolina's rivalry with Duke is particularly intense, especially in the realm of college basketball. " > "North Carolina's rivalry with Duke is particularly intense in college basketball." Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 20:03, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"For several decades, each team has been a frequent contender " > "For several decades, both teams have been frequent contenders " Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 20:03, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"The rivalry had led people to " > "The rivalry has led people to" Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 20:03, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"against Duke and in tournaments," - I don't understand? Done (changed to important victories) – Artichoke2020 (talk) 20:03, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"the police shut down. People converge" - I don't understand; if the street is closed, how do they get there? Done (closed to traffic) – Artichoke2020 (talk) 20:03, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Mascot and nickname

"The team nickname is "Tar Heels", a term that originally referenced the state's eighteenth century prominence as a tar and pitch producer." > "The team is nicknamed "Tar Heels", in reference to the state's eighteenth century prominence as a tar and pitch producer." Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 20:03, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Remainder is OK, but consider ending on a high note, rather than the negative connotations of punishment, etc. Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 20:03, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

General comments:

It needs changing further to achieve a WP:NPOV. It sounds too much like an advertisement. Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 22:59, 18 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Punctuation and grammar needs further work. Consider asking for a review at WP:LoCE. Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 22:59, 18 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

The 'history' could be longer; more of an interesting story. And scandal/anecdote/fame goes down well with readers. Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 22:59, 18 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Perhaps a map of the campus (image) would help with the descriptions. Not done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 22:59, 18 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Pictures are good; positioning may be better going R,L,R,L,R,L etc. Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 19:09, 18 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I haven't checked references, sorry. They all need careful checking. Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 19:09, 18 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

General/irrelevent comment (not designed to be disparaging): I can't believe how much detail you have! I'm in the UK; my nearest comparison is South_East_Derbyshire_College !

I hope this PR has been helpful; please ask me anything further that you wish.

The only thing I ask in return is that, when I need a thorough PR one day, I might ask if you have the time.

Last comment;

This article is close to WP:GA - I suggest you nominate it for GA after editing. (Or I will nominate it) Done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 22:59, 18 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Regards,

-- Chzz ► 03:25, 17 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Libraries

(The original discussion can be found in Talk:University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill/Archive 3)

The university's libraries are organized into three separately administered library systems, the Health Sciences Library (serving the Division of Health Affairs), the Law Library (serving the School of Law), and the University Libraries, formerly called Academic Affairs Libraries, encompassing the remainder of the departmental libraries on campus. For citations supporting this, please see the original discussion in Talk:University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill/Archive 3. Thanks for all of your hard work on the UNC-CH (and related) articles! --Hennap (talk) 00:55, 18 May 2008 (UTC)

Not done – Artichoke2020 (talk) 22:59, 18 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

While I continue to believe that the current text does not convey an accurate description of the libraries at UNC, I do not have the time or inclination at present to prolong what appears to be a fruitless the argument. --Hennap (talk) 04:24, 21 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.