Wikipedia:Peer review/York Park/archive1

York Park

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… I believe that the article is better than C-class. After i've recently made some major contributions.

Thanks, Aaroncrick (talk) 09:10, 1 December 2008 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Overall nice job, needs some work for GA or more for FA. Very briefly, here are some suggestions for improvement.

• I would rewrite the lead first paragraph as something like York Park, known since 2004 as Aurora Stadium under a naming-rights sponsorship deal, is an Australian rules football ground located in the Inveresk and York Park Precinct, Invermay. It is the largest capacity stadium in Tasmania, holding 20,000.[1] This avoids "presently" and avoids repeating capacity twice in one sentence.
• Refs do not have to be in the lead except for direct quotes and extraordinary claims - the lead should be a summary of the whole article and the refs can be there. It is OK to keep refs in the lead, but then it should be referenced completely like all other parts of the article.
• Article could use a copyedit to polish the language - one example To get it up to scratch for AFL football the ground has had a series of re-developments totaling up to over AU$20 million. could be something like To get it able to host AFL football, the ground has had a series of re-developments totaling over AU$20 million. ("up to scratch" seems too slang-y, "up to over" does not seem grammatical in American English, not sure of Australian English) I also do not understand this sentence in light of the history that it has hosted Australian rules football since the 1920s - perhaps provide the date (since ...)
• Per WP:LEAD the lead should probably be only three paragraphs - could combine two paragraphs
• Spell out abbreviations before first use, so AFL or NAB (and link them).
• I would also link St Kilda and Hawthorn (the teams)
• Be consistent about names - it is both 'Aurora Stadium and Aurora Stadium in just the lead.
• I would try to put sentences in chronological order in the History section - the first paragraph goes from 1923 to 1921 (with a mention of 1901), why not put the 1921 name sentence first, then the 1923 stuff?
• Any history between 1923 and 1988?
• Article needs more references, for example the whole Record crowds and Transport sections have no refs. My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref.
• There are a lot of short (one or two sentence) paragraphs that should either be combined with others to improve the flow of the article, or perhaps expanded.
• A model article is often useful for ideas or examples to follow - see Wikipedia:Featured_articles#Sport_and_recreation and as one example of a stadium, Old Trafford

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 04:44, 16 December 2008 (UTC)