Wikipedia:Peer review/You Are the Apple of My Eye/archive1

You Are the Apple of My Eye

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to list this article at GAN. I would like another editor to have a look through this so that I can correct any problems before its nomination.

Thanks, Lionratz (talk) 13:35, 7 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

" he self-directed " not sure you need "self-" here. (done)
"was completely filmed in " -> "was filmed entirely in" (done)
"lyrics of this film's main " "the" film, not "this" film. (done)
"... by Giddens himself.[7] Those Years was well-received ..." merge with "himself,[7] and was..."(done)
"for his role in this film" the instead of this again.(done)
"claims has no interest " -> "claims he has no interest"(done)
"the class teacher changes Ching-teng's seat" more "moves where he sits" rather than "changes his seat".(done)
"he did not bring the textbook" "did not bring his own textbook".(done)
"moved by his behavior, prepares a practice paper for Ching-teng" I think it would read better as "moved by Ching-teng's behavior, prepares a practice paper for him."(done)
"Since then, .." "From then on,"(done)
"not even once" unnecessary if you have "never".(done)
"manages to enroll at " just "enrolls at".(done)
"doesn't do well during " avoid contractions.(done)
"first unofficial date." what makes it unofficial and why is date in italics? (It is noted in the film that this date is "unofficial". Deleted the italics)
"which upsets Ching-teng and " upsets "him".(done)
"manages to regain contact " just "regains contact".
"Japanese AV porn jokes " expand "AV porn" (done)
Avoid that floating reference in the cast section ([13]).(done)
"is hyped as the director by the fawning Taiwanese " scathing and opinionated. (done)
"to produce this film" _the_ film.(done)
"money for this film" same again.(done)
"Mypaper" -> My Paper.(The spelling is the original spelling of the paper's name)
Filming section, use italics for film title.(done)
"the 3rd highest " -> third.(done)
Check references for double periods ".."
Check references for MOS compliance, avoid SHOUTING in titles.
You don't need "Taiwanese films" as a cat since you have the more refined "Taiwanese romance films". (This category is added by a template, and I dont know how to remove this)

The Rambling Man (talk) 10:26, 2 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks very much for the review! In particular, thanks for alerting me about the opinionated comments. It was not done by me, and it had obviously slipped through my checks. I have added some comments above. Can you take a look?--Lionratz (talk) 13:07, 5 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]