Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Friedrich Wilhelm von Seydlitz

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article promoted by Biblioworm (talk) via MilHistBot (talk) 16:30, 8 October 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Friedrich Wilhelm von Seydlitz

Nominator(s): Auntieruth55 (talk)

Featured article candidates/Friedrich Wilhelm von Seydlitz/archive1

This should meet the standards for A-class articles. Seydlitz was one of Frederick the Great's foremost cavalry generals, responsible for the organization. I'll appreciate any comments and suggestions. auntieruth (talk) 18:35, 11 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Dudley

I assume that there are no contemporary portraits and I think the captions of the two in the article should make clear that they were much later. E.g. for the first "Portrait of von Seydlitz by Adolph Menzel, 1854" there are some 18th cventury engravings of him, but I couldn't find any with the proper licensing.
Several nit-pickings with the first paragraph: "usually credited with the development of the Prussian cavalry to its efficient level of performance in the Seven Years' War" Why "usually"? most of the sources attribute the highly successful cavalry to him, but not all, however, the ones who don't just don't say anything. You do not cite any dissenting opinions. "Born to a cavalry captain, his father died when he was young." This sounds a bit clumsy. Maybe "He was the son of a cavalry captain, who died when he was young." "also known as the "Mad" Margrave. His superb horsemanship and his recklessness combined to make him a stand-out subaltern" This confused me. "His" appears to refer to the Margrave, but the reference to the subaltern makes clear this is wrong. fixed the other items.
"He was not well enough to participate in the annual campaigns until 1761 and even then his fellow officers questioned his physical fitness." In the main text you say that the doubts were because he had served exclusively with cavalry.
" The Margrave was himself was a reckless young man" This is a bit misleading as he would then have been 35. Maybe "The Margrave was reckless".
"Margrave's Cuirassier Regiment" You imply below that it was no longer his regiment - that he had been replaced as colonel - or had he been promoted and the new colonel was at odds with his senior officer? this was typical. It was the Margrave's regiment. But since he was a noble, there was a colonel running the show--the margrave collecting the glory.
"but these were turned back" By order or by enemy resistance?
"the benefit of close support during a cavalry charge" Close support between cavalry and infantry? I think the phrase meant that the various units of cavalry attacked together --closely packed--....Frederick's cavalry was famous for its closely packed charges in which horses were shoulder to shoulder, nose to tail, and the men rode with their knees touching.
"after a successful revue" review?
"no Prussian cavalry man would allow himself to be attacked" In battle or in civil life? yes
"According to Varnhagen, Seydlitz performed best at taverns" This sounds like a put down! Did not he perform best on the battlefield? Varnhagen was not a fan.
"(reportedly it was the syphilis which destroyed his marriage)" Was his wife unfaithful because of his syphilis? Probably she wanted nothing to do with him because of it. The sources are coy about this.
A first rate article. Dudley Miles (talk) 10:44, 16 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

thank you!d tweaked a bit, see if that works? auntieruth (talk) 00:57, 17 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Support. Dudley Miles (talk) 11:53, 21 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by AustralianRupert

Support: Nice work, Ruth. I have the following suggestions: AustralianRupert (talk) 10:44, 17 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]

"and if he knew French, he preferred German and wrote it with a "fine, firm hand, unusually..." (suggest attributing this quote in text), e.g. "and according to X, if he knew French, he preferred..." done
there are a couple of overlinked terms: East Prussia, Battle of Kolin, syphilis....second link on syphilis leads to tertiary. others are fixed.
in Note 2, if possible I suggest adding a harvtxt ref for Lawley and Poten, like you have in Note 3 done
is there a citation or Note 5? It was in note Text, but It had wrong template. Fixed now.
in the Alphabetical listing of sources, shouldn't "Lippe-Weissenfeld" come after Lawley? fixed
in the Further reading section, suggest that these should be presented with surnames first, for consistency with the section above fixed
"File:Seydlitz at Rossbach.jpg": suggest adding an English description to this file on Commons, also I couldn't find the image at the cited source. Is there a better source for this? Added English. I couldn't find it either. Looking, and if I con't find one, i'll take ot out shallI? auntieruth (talk) 14:11, 19 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]
- Probably best, however, you might be able to find a different source here: [1]. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 23:44, 29 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Harry

Excellent work, just a few quibbles:

Born to a cavalry captain, his father died when he was young His father was a born to a cavalry captain or he was? fixed
Seydlitz become legendary throughout Typo? Should that be became? yep
the father died in 1728 seems like an odd way to refer to him. Can we not just use his name? fixed
old King died and I believe the MoS would have a lower-case k there and for all other instances where it's not followed by a name. really?...a king...the King...a president....the President....MOS:CAps says When a title is used to refer to a specific and obvious person as a substitute for their name, e.g., the Queen, not the queen, referring to Elizabeth II
the colonel did not send reinforcements was this part of the colonel's grudge, or negligence, or were the infantry busy elsewhere? grudge/. clarified
The King exchanged an Austrian captain for the cornet It's not absolutely clear that "the cornet" is Seydlitz; can we use his name instead? cleaned up
Hans Karl von Winterfeldt, a good judge of character according to whom? ccording to the King
support any movement of infantry, or any response from the enemy I don't think you mean support an response from the enemy fixed
useless pistols or carbines Is "useless" the source's opinion or yours? source. twiddled.
In his hands, [...] Frederick promoted him suggest him → Seydlitz for clarity. yes
no Prussian cavalry man would allow himself Isn't "cavalryman" (one word) more common? yes
lost his life I think "died" is preferred per WP:EUPH
he and a cavalry brigade checked the Austrian pursuit Wait, what Austrian pursuit? Perhaps needs another sentence of background for context.
brilliant charge Your adjective or the source's? source. taken out
intrepid leadership Ditto. ditto
a couple dozen cannons I think the MoS would prefer "24", and as a Brit "couple dozen" (as opposed to couple of dozen) seems like atrocious grammar to me source said couple dozen, another one says 18.
Unfortunately, Seydlitz had been wounded "unfortunately" looks like editorialising removed
syphilis is linked twice in one section yess, linked to tertiary syphylis

—HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 09:32, 24 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Support. I'm happy with the responses above and can't see nay reason to hold up the article's progress. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 04:28, 29 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.