Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Michael Brown Okinawa assault incident

Michael Brown Okinawa assault incident

This article recently failed featured article candidate (FAC) review, and I honestly can't find anything more wrong with it. If someone could help me identify what might be wrong with it, I'll make the corrections and resubmit for FAC. Thank you. CLA 23:17, 19 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Kirill Lokshin

I think the bulk of the FAC complaints were of the copyediting variety; it may be helpful, at this point, to simply drop by WP:LOCE and ask for someone to go through the article looking for any stylistic quirks.

Aside from that, a few minor points:

The first sentence refers to a "physical assault", while the latter portion of the lead calls it "attempted indecent assault"; given that we're dealing with a BLP situation here, it may be better to use the official wording of the verdict throughout.
I'm a bit concerned that the sparse citation style may not be entirely appropriate in places where direct quotes are provided; I think we do need to specify the source of those more explicitly than through a listing of four or five different articles. It's up to you, though.

Kirill 21:30, 23 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the helpful suggestions as always. CLA 03:15, 24 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]