Wikipedia:WikiProject Video games/Peer review/Ninja Gaiden (NES)/Archive1

Ninja Gaiden (NES)

This article has been extensively cleaned up within the past week. Most sections were reworked, more references were added, and all references has been updated. I wish to see how better I can improve this article so we can get this mid-priority article out of Start-class and hopefully to B-class or even higher. Some things, such as a couple of references needed (which I earmarked) and possibly some expansion, are still needing to be tied-down.

Focuses: copyediting, quality of the "Plot" section (which I mostly done myself, and the first time for me nearly completely writing a new plot section from scratch), and lead. MuZemike (talk) 23:36, 30 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Suggestion: You might want to take a look through IGN's History of Ninja Gaiden and Eurogamer's own take. They have a few paragraphs on the classic games including the statement that Ninja Gaiden was the first NES game to feature over twenty minutes of cinematic cut scenes. Jappalang (talk) 01:21, 1 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the link! I didn't come across this one when I was looking for verifiable sources on IGN. I'll definitely look at it. MuZemike (talk) 03:22, 1 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Jappalang (talk · contribs)

The following are suggestions garnered from my reading up to the "Plot" section.

MOS issues

Use — or – for dashes, not hyphens.
Do not use the "his/her" form.
Avoid ampersands "&".

Lead

"involves gameplay similar to that found in the NES Castlevania games."
I believe it is preferable to explain the gameplay rather than bringing up another game for reference (imagine the reader is not familiar with Castlevania).
"also a ninja,"
This phrase can be removed as it is too detailed for the lead.
"Ryu then sets out for America to investigate the underpinnings behind his father's death and to seek revenge."
An awkward sentence
"However, Ryu eventually finds himself involved in a sinister plot that threatens the entire world." -> "However, he finds himself involved in a sinister plot that threatens the entire world."
"Xbox", not "xBox".
Personally I would not mention the Xbox version as part of Tecmo's reputation. It was not part of Tecmo's portfolio at that time. If mention is wanted, state the Xbox version as a later achievement.

Gameplay

As stated above, do not use other games to describe the gameplay.
"when the player's life meter runs out, falls off the screen"
This statement is ambiguous. One might think, "the life meter falls off the screen?"
"or when the timer runs out"
The timer should be described before this claim. The reader will wonder less about "which timer? When does it start running?"
"However, the player can continue the game at the beginning of that level in which the player has lost all his/her lives." -> "However, players can continue the game and re-start the level in which they have lost all their lives."
Using the plural form allows you to avoid gender specifics. Otherwise you would have to render "his or her" at all times.
"The player's main attack is thrusting with the Dragon Sword." -> "Players mainly attack by thrusting with Ryu's Dragon Sword."
Stating Dragon Sword as a definite article would require an explanation of what it is.
"The player can also use various subweapons which use up the player's "spiritual strength"" -> "They can also use other weapons that rely on Ryu's "spiritual strength" as ammunition"
Subweapons is a gaming jargon. Secondary weapons is a possible substitute.
"Subweapons include shurikens, fire wheels, and "jump & slash" techniques." -> "These weapons include shurikens, fire wheels, and "jump and slash" technique."
"However, the player can replenish his/her spiritual strength by collecting various items." -> "However, players can replenish their spiritual strength by collecting various items."
"Each boss has an identical life meter as the player's. The boss's life meter decreases when the player hits it with his/her Dragon Sword or subweapon. The player defeats the boss when the boss's life meter has been completely depleted." -> "Unlike the regular enemies, bosses have a life meter; they can endure greater damage than their underlings before being defeated."
"The bosses of Ninja Gaiden comprise the "Malice Four" – the four evil forces who are servants of the Jaquio. The Malice Four consists of the Barbarian, Bomberhead, Basquer, and the Bloody Malth. In addition, the player must also contend with Kelbeross – an evil soul who assumes the form of Jaquio's servant pet dog."
This can be in the characters section instead. In that case, do we need a "Bosses" subsection?

Plot

The story is too long. It can be summarized further. Instead of a chronological summary, certain items and motivations can be moved ahead of chronology to group with its principal character (e.g. listing out Jacquio's plan right at the start).
The character subsection is almost a duplicate of the story. Character subsections should either list out the principal or notable characters with descriptions, or relevant real-world information.

Just these comments and suggestions at the moment. Jappalang (talk) 03:47, 1 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]