Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Infinity Blade/archive1

Archived review by czar

Please respond below the review and I'll hat my bullets after your reply. Some questions are rhetorical and I'm not expecting actual answers here but clarification in the article.

• Copyedited instead of leaving a bunch of annoyingly small edits
• Lede is a little heavy on the sequels—perhaps this part can be pared down? In its stead, it could use more Reception summary

• Rebalanced

• Accordingly, the Legacy section should have more about how it spawned a series and (a little on) how the series was received for it to be a "Legacy" section. Otherwise "Sequels" sounds like a better title

• Renamed to sequels

• the icon "to dodge": for parallelism, dodge should have an explanation of what the dodging does (rolling? ducking?) as the block explains that it uses a shield

• Added description

• "just before the previous fight": I think this can be phrased better, but I want to reflect whatever the sources say

• Tweaked it

• "Each point adds a single point of value to the characters skills": I'm not sure this level of information is pertinent—might be fine to just say that points earned by x do y (actually, I just removed the sentence)

• That's fine, I was on the fence about that one

• "ascent" is used before describing that the pc works his way "up" the castle

• Good catch, fixed

• What are "Deathless"?

• Added an aside, but if it doesn't work I can drop the term- the idea of the Deathless doesn't matter much until the second game, which adds a lot more actual story and background to the world

• Is the third update's PVP the same as the hero vs. enemies multiplayer? Unclear (also removed some minutiae here)

• Yes; is it clear now? I think you changed it

• "Aker tried to get "avant-garde performances" for the recordings." need clarification ("get" as in evoke or hire?)

• Tweaked; the problem is he uses the term strangely in the source ("I wanted extremely avant-garde performances from the musicians and they completely blew away my expectations.")

• Nothing on the development of the later updates?

• Don't have any sources

• Can the "sold very well at launch" sentence be rephrased to avoid the original conclusions?

• Sure, though I don't think it's much of an original conclusion to say that the "fastest-selling app" "sold well at launch"

• Reception's first ¶ could use a Metacritic shout out

• I don't like putting in review scores into the prose, and I don't agree with putting in the metacritic score as if its the most important thing

• Many of the Reception quotes would be better paraphrased without quotes

• paraphrased a few of them

• "The other role-playing game elements were praised..." sentence could use recasting, same for "the bloodline system; Chester described it as"

• Tweaked one, you did the other

• It's not useful to refer to reviewers by surname without the publications again. Every reader will be looking to associate the name with the outlet if they actually care to understand the sentence.

• Replaced the bare names with the outlet names

• Mentioned above, but I'd be surprised if there isn't anything written on the original's lasting legacy (other than that it spawned some sequels)

• I'll look, but there's a limit to how much is out there

• that about half of the game's sales had been for iPhone variants, with the other half split between the iPad and iPod If "iPhone variants" is different editions of the iPhone, I get your edit. I'd rephrase this to be "split half of X and half of YZ" for better parallelism.

• Done.

Good work. Give me a ping when these are addressed and I'll respond and do a source review. I'm also looking for feedback on the Menacer FAC, for those interested. czar ♔ 02:29, 30 March 2014 (UTC)