Talk:2017 March for Justice/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Mike Christie (talk · contribs) 10:48, 28 February 2018 (UTC)

I'll review this. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:48, 28 February 2018 (UTC)

• Not an issue for GA, but there are two dead links you may want to fix: [1] and [2].
• Why is "state of emergency" in quotes?
• I think the start of the "Background" section assumes more knowledge from the reader than they might have. Everything in the lead should be in the body, so I'd expand the background a little more: There was a coup attempt in 2016 which failed; this was followed by a state of emergency and government crackdown, including... and so on.
• Can we get a link or explanation for "FETÖ"?
• The quote from The Guardian is a little short for a blockquote; indenting it like that also gives it the impression of authority, which we have to avoid in a topic like this. I think it would be better as an inline quote, with the paragraph combined with the next two.
• The march began in Ankara on June 15, 2017 after CHP member Enis Berberoğlu was sentenced to 25 years in prison: per the source, this is incorrect; the march began the day after Berberoğlu was arrested. We should also avoid giving the impression the march is directly connected with Berberoğlu. There's a quote in the source calling it "the last straw", which could be used to connect Berberoğlu to the march. As it stands we have a full paragraph of details about what happened to Berberoğlu, which seems excessive; he's an example of government repression, but only incidentally connected to the march. If you're going to give details of the sorts of arrests that prompted the march, it should be of arrests that occurred before the march was organized.
• The paragraph starting "In an opinion piece" is repetitive; I'd eliminate the direct quote, and add the additional bits from it to Kılıçdaroğlu's list in the next sentence.
• I'm not crazy about the Salt March comparison. One source simply mentions the distance; the other refers to it as a "grand comparison", implying it's a bit overblown.
• The tense needs fixing in a couple of places in the "March" section now that its in the past: "Marchers have reported" -> "Marchers reported" and so on. And do we really need a note that there was hot weather and rain?
• Protestors gave many different reasons: this sort of thing might be better in the "Background" section.
• Information about the coup attempt and crackdown is repeated unnecessarily in the "March" section.
• Shouldn't the "counter-demonstrations" information be in the "Reactions" section?
• There are a lot of direct quotes in the "Maltepe rally" section; quotes are for illustration, and I would think most of these could be reworded. I don't see much in Kılıçdaroğlu that looks quotable enough to retain in his words.
• Similarly for Erdoğan's and others' comments in the next section, though the "F-16" quote is probably worth keeping.

-- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:58, 28 February 2018 (UTC)

Seraphim System, are you planning to work on this? If there's no response I will fail this in another week. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:57, 7 March 2018 (UTC)

Failing GA as there has been no response. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 09:54, 14 March 2018 (UTC)

@Mike Christie: Sorry for the dealyed response - I have been away for about a week or so and didn't leave any notice on my talk page (which I should have done). Thank you for the detailed review. I will work on all the issues you listed before renominating. Seraphim System ^(talk) 22:24, 16 March 2018 (UTC)

Seraphim System: sorry the timing didn't work out; good luck next time you nominate this. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 22:34, 16 March 2018 (UTC)