Talk:2020–2022 catalytic converter theft ring
2020–2022 catalytic converter theft ring has been listed as one of the Social sciences and society good articles under the good article criteria. If you can improve it further, please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can reassess it. Review: October 28, 2024. (Reviewed version). |
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A fact from 2020–2022 catalytic converter theft ring appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the Did you know column on 27 March 2024 (check views). The text of the entry was as follows:
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Did you know nomination
edit- The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.
The result was: promoted by AirshipJungleman29 talk 13:49, 20 March 2024 (UTC)
- ... that an interstate catalytic converter theft ring generated US$545 million in revenue? Source: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/catalytic-converter-theft_n_645160b3e4b0fe3b9bc757b8 – From October 2019 to October 2022, Vang Auto sold $38 million worth of converters to DG Auto. Over that span, DG Auto received $545 million from Dowa Metals and Mining America.
- Reviewed: Template:Did you know nominations/Poecilia orri
- Comment: We'll miss you Vami, glad we could get this one finished for you.
Moved to mainspace by Queen of Hearts (talk). Nominated by CommissarDoggo (talk), Queen of Hearts (talk), Epicgenius (talk), and Vami_IV (talk) at 21:05, 19 February 2024 (UTC). Post-promotion hook changes for this nom will be logged at Template talk:Did you know nominations/2020–2022 catalytic converter theft ring; consider watching this nomination, if it is successful, until the hook appears on the Main Page.
- I'll try to come up with some ALTs. Nom is QPQ-exempt. Queen of Hearts (talk • stalk • she/they) 21:46, 19 February 2024 (UTC)
- Posthumously added Vami as a nom; he was the one who started it, after all. Queen of Hearts (talk • stalk • she/they) 21:51, 19 February 2024 (UTC)
- @Queen of Hearts, CommissarDoggo, and Epicgenius: CommissarDoggo is qpq exempt but I have I donated a qpq anyway. The article was 5x expanded and the hook is interesting and cited in the article - in two separate spots. It is sourced, cited and neutral. No image has been offered here, Before I can continue with a review we need to address quite a bit of WP:CLOP see here. Lightburst (talk) 02:04, 20 February 2024 (UTC)
- @Lightburst: Thanks for pointing this out, over the past couple hours I managed to reduce similarity to 65% on the HuffPost source, most of which is now down to either quotes or facts. Same goes for another source used across the article, Bloomberg, which I reduced to 79%. At this point I'd welcome an independent editor to rewrite sections to reduce it further, as I'm drawing blanks on where else I can do so. CommissarDoggoTalk? 15:14, 20 February 2024 (UTC)
- @CommissarDoggo: Will wait to hear from the other co-nominators. Lightburst (talk) 15:11, 20 February 2024 (UTC)
- With respect to my co-nominators, I think some sentences can be further rewritten. Although much of the text Earwig flagged is direct quotes, there are also phrases like "showed Curtis the ins and outs" and "in December 2019 the price of rhodium stood at $6,000" that aren't just stating simple facts. I'll have a go at rephrasing these later. Epicgenius (talk) 15:24, 20 February 2024 (UTC)
- Some clop has been reduced for matches with the first two results. It only shows quote matches now. But the third source {Huffpost} shows some clop that needs attention. Lightburst (talk) 15:52, 22 February 2024 (UTC)
- Finally sat down to try and get rid of a bunch, please re-check the sources at your leisure to see whether any further rewriting is necessary. CommissarDoggoTalk? 00:27, 26 February 2024 (UTC)
- Some clop has been reduced for matches with the first two results. It only shows quote matches now. But the third source {Huffpost} shows some clop that needs attention. Lightburst (talk) 15:52, 22 February 2024 (UTC)
- With respect to my co-nominators, I think some sentences can be further rewritten. Although much of the text Earwig flagged is direct quotes, there are also phrases like "showed Curtis the ins and outs" and "in December 2019 the price of rhodium stood at $6,000" that aren't just stating simple facts. I'll have a go at rephrasing these later. Epicgenius (talk) 15:24, 20 February 2024 (UTC)
- @CommissarDoggo: Will wait to hear from the other co-nominators. Lightburst (talk) 15:11, 20 February 2024 (UTC)
- @Lightburst: Thanks for pointing this out, over the past couple hours I managed to reduce similarity to 65% on the HuffPost source, most of which is now down to either quotes or facts. Same goes for another source used across the article, Bloomberg, which I reduced to 79%. At this point I'd welcome an independent editor to rewrite sections to reduce it further, as I'm drawing blanks on where else I can do so. CommissarDoggoTalk? 15:14, 20 February 2024 (UTC)
- @Queen of Hearts, CommissarDoggo, and Epicgenius: CommissarDoggo is qpq exempt but I have I donated a qpq anyway. The article was 5x expanded and the hook is interesting and cited in the article - in two separate spots. It is sourced, cited and neutral. No image has been offered here, Before I can continue with a review we need to address quite a bit of WP:CLOP see here. Lightburst (talk) 02:04, 20 February 2024 (UTC)
- What a great article. I really want to promote it, but I'm getting stuck on the wording of the hook. How do we know that it generated $545 million in revenue? NBC News suggests the U.S. Justice Department is seeking to recover $545 million (which suggests $545 million was generated but is a little different), while HuffPost says that DG Auto received $545 million from two companies (but isn't it possible some of that revenue was "legitimate"?). Somehow the hook seems too "concrete". @Vami IV, Queen of Hearts, Epicgenius, and CommissarDoggo: Would you be willing to reword or propose some ALT hooks? Cielquiparle (talk) 11:59, 17 March 2024 (UTC)
- @Cielquiparle: To clarify, the forfeiture the government was looking for was in regards to how much money Dowa Metals and Mining America (a single company that operates as the US branch of Dowa Holdings, Japan) provided to DG Auto Parts for the precious metal dust they received from DG Auto Parts' operation. This is also noted here: https://archive.ph/20231218000134/https://www.bloomberg.com/features/2023-catalytic-converter-theft-ring/ -
There was still the matter of DG Auto’s refiner, which investigators had identified early on as the source of the money—all $545 million they ultimately counted—that had passed through DG Auto’s operation: Dowa Metals & Mining America, in Burlington, New Jersey.
- @Cielquiparle: To clarify, the forfeiture the government was looking for was in regards to how much money Dowa Metals and Mining America (a single company that operates as the US branch of Dowa Holdings, Japan) provided to DG Auto Parts for the precious metal dust they received from DG Auto Parts' operation. This is also noted here: https://archive.ph/20231218000134/https://www.bloomberg.com/features/2023-catalytic-converter-theft-ring/ -
- As for the Huffpost source, the source says
From October 2019 to October 2022, Vang Auto sold $38 million worth of converters to DG Auto. Over that span, DG Auto received $545 million from Dowa Metals and Mining America.
Those are two separate entities, with Vang Auto being a catalytic converter theft operation in California. Those are also two separate figures, with Vang Auto selling $38m worth of stolen catalytic converters to DG Auto Parts, who would then decan them and send the precious metal dust to Dowa Metals and Mining America.
- As for the Huffpost source, the source says
- While yes it is true that some of the money gained through these sales to Dowa Metals and Mining America were from legitimate sources of catalytic converters (there were several mentions to this in sources - I think I mentioned some from Bloomberg and from Huffpost but I could be wrong - from people either willing or unwilling to mention their names due to the unwanted attention they may receive), the large majority of the sales were from illegitimate sources. CommissarDoggoTalk? 12:28, 17 March 2024 (UTC)
Seasons
editI see some overlinks to seasons, which should be changed to months if possible given the global audience (see MOS:SEASONS). Would that be possible before it hits the Main Page? Best, Sdkb talk 17:32, 20 February 2024 (UTC)
- It's been edited now to fit that, if you see fit to change it to anything else then please feel free. CommissarDoggoTalk? 17:53, 20 February 2024 (UTC)
Final Project Vami_IV worked on.
editIt's sad that this is the final article that Vami ever worked on. 3.14 (talk) 23:51, 20 March 2024 (UTC)
- It is sometimes strange to think about, I will admit. It was only a couple of paragraphs, some references, an image and some notes when Vami left it. He probably would've come back to it the next day, then the next and the next until it was done, likely to a quality that would've had it as an FA within a fortnight; yet another 4 Award.
- I, like many others, would have loved to see what Vami might have done with it given the time, though I hope he would have at least been proud of what it is today. CommissarDoggoTalk? 00:05, 21 March 2024 (UTC)
- Truer words have never been spoken before. Did you give his eulogy? (The eulogy bit is a joke) 3.14 (talk) 00:07, 21 March 2024 (UTC)
GA Review
editThe following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA toolbox |
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Reviewing |
- This review is transcluded from Talk:2020–2022 catalytic converter theft ring/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Nominator: CommissarDoggo (talk · contribs) 21:56, 17 May 2024 (UTC)
Reviewer: IntentionallyDense (talk · contribs) 03:44, 24 October 2024 (UTC)
This looks interesting. I'll review shortly. IntentionallyDense (talk) 03:44, 24 October 2024 (UTC)
Rate | Attribute | Review Comment |
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1. Well-written: | ||
1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct. | Prose is good. IntentionallyDense (talk) 21:31, 28 October 2024 (UTC) | |
1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation. | Per below. IntentionallyDense (talk) 04:03, 24 October 2024 (UTC)
Issues have been fixed IntentionallyDense (talk) 00:58, 27 October 2024 (UTC) | |
2. Verifiable with no original research, as shown by a source spot-check: | ||
2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline. | IntentionallyDense (talk) 04:03, 24 October 2024 (UTC) | |
2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose). | I spot-checked some of the more used sources as well as some random ones and found no issues. IntentionallyDense (talk) 04:03, 24 October 2024 (UTC) | |
2c. it contains no original research. | IntentionallyDense (talk) 00:58, 27 October 2024 (UTC) | |
2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism. | IntentionallyDense (talk) 00:58, 27 October 2024 (UTC) | |
3. Broad in its coverage: | ||
3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic. | Broad. IntentionallyDense (talk) 21:31, 28 October 2024 (UTC) | |
3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style). | IntentionallyDense (talk) 21:31, 28 October 2024 (UTC) | |
4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each. | IntentionallyDense (talk) 21:31, 28 October 2024 (UTC) | |
5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute. | IntentionallyDense (talk) 04:03, 24 October 2024 (UTC) | |
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio: | ||
6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content. | IntentionallyDense (talk) 04:03, 24 October 2024 (UTC) | |
6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions. | IntentionallyDense (talk) 04:03, 24 October 2024 (UTC) | |
7. Overall assessment. | Prose is good, well sourced, article passes GAC. I had a blast with this review! IntentionallyDense (talk) 21:31, 28 October 2024 (UTC) |
- This isn't what I expect from a GA lead. A well written lead shouldn't need citations and should be at least one good sized paragraph {preferably at least 2). See Wikipedia:How to create and manage a good lead section for more guidance. IntentionallyDense (talk) 04:03, 24 October 2024 (UTC)
- The only reason that the lead has sources is because of
Its dismantlement in 2022 was described as the first known interdiction of such a criminal scheme
, which didn't appear to fit anywhere else at the time, however I'll take a peek around at the Aftermath section as it should fit in there nicely. CommissarDoggoTalk? 09:29, 24 October 2024 (UTC)- As for how short it is, I'll mess about with it and see how much it can be expanded, as there's definitely plenty to go in. CommissarDoggoTalk? 09:32, 24 October 2024 (UTC)
- Visually the lead looks much better already but I will do a more thourough read through later. IntentionallyDense (talk) 03:58, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- Ok, thank you. CommissarDoggoTalk? 09:46, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- Visually the lead looks much better already but I will do a more thourough read through later. IntentionallyDense (talk) 03:58, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- As for how short it is, I'll mess about with it and see how much it can be expanded, as there's definitely plenty to go in. CommissarDoggoTalk? 09:32, 24 October 2024 (UTC)
- The only reason that the lead has sources is because of
- After Dowa evaluated the PRP dust that it received, it would pay its suppliers and refine the dust into chunks. appears to be unsourced. IntentionallyDense (talk) 04:03, 24 October 2024 (UTC)
- Navin and his brother, Tinu Khanna, were first-generation immigrants from India. Their older brothers owned and operated a wrecking yard and, after working there for a few years, Navin and Tinu began their own business ventures. In 2016 they began a rubber disposal business, in 2018 they began a recycling business and in 2019 they also started a company in the auto wrecking industry under the name DG Auto Wreckers. Appears to be unsourced. IntentionallyDense (talk) 04:03, 24 October 2024 (UTC)
- All of the text messages should be sourced. IntentionallyDense (talk) 04:03, 24 October 2024 (UTC)
- Where would you like for the sources to be placed? CommissarDoggoTalk? 09:27, 24 October 2024 (UTC)
- Anywhere that makes it clear that you are providing a source for the convo. Maybe after the headings? Like placing the ref after "Curtis and Low, texting about arrests of local cutters" for example. IntentionallyDense (talk) 03:59, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- Sounds good to me, I'll work on that now. CommissarDoggoTalk? 09:47, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- Almost completely forgot about this, sorted. CommissarDoggoTalk? 19:56, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- Sounds good to me, I'll work on that now. CommissarDoggoTalk? 09:47, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- Anywhere that makes it clear that you are providing a source for the convo. Maybe after the headings? Like placing the ref after "Curtis and Low, texting about arrests of local cutters" for example. IntentionallyDense (talk) 03:59, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- Where would you like for the sources to be placed? CommissarDoggoTalk? 09:27, 24 October 2024 (UTC)
- There are times when you use up to 6 different refs for a single sentence. I'm just wondering if all of those refs are really needed. IntentionallyDense (talk) 04:03, 24 October 2024 (UTC)
- Not really, I've fixed the issues that I could find, while actually finding out some little new bits or that certain sources didn't say what I thought they did at the time. The large majority of the overcite was either me being sleep deprived (the large majority of this article was written over the course of approximately 12 hours overnight) or me simply not looking back on it critically enough in the... Coming up on a year between then and now. CommissarDoggoTalk? 11:18, 24 October 2024 (UTC)
- Understandable. Thanks for removing some of the extra refs as having so many can just make it a bit hard to verify where information is coming from. IntentionallyDense (talk) 04:00, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- Not really, I've fixed the issues that I could find, while actually finding out some little new bits or that certain sources didn't say what I thought they did at the time. The large majority of the overcite was either me being sleep deprived (the large majority of this article was written over the course of approximately 12 hours overnight) or me simply not looking back on it critically enough in the... Coming up on a year between then and now. CommissarDoggoTalk? 11:18, 24 October 2024 (UTC)
- The "Background" and "Initial investigation" sections both have some pretty short subsections. I'm wondering if some of these smaller subsections could either be merged or expanded? IntentionallyDense (talk) 04:03, 24 October 2024 (UTC)
- This point and points two and three can all be linked to a user who recently added numerous subsections to the article, once removed they should be sorted. CommissarDoggoTalk? 09:24, 24 October 2024 (UTC)
- Looks better! IntentionallyDense (talk) 04:01, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- This point and points two and three can all be linked to a user who recently added numerous subsections to the article, once removed they should be sorted. CommissarDoggoTalk? 09:24, 24 October 2024 (UTC)
Lead
edit- generated $545 million Is that the amount they sold it for or the value of what they sold? Could you clarify? IntentionallyDense (talk) 04:17, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- Strangely I don't believe any sources actually stated definitively whether it was the actual value that they sold it for or the damages. Just based on the wording of the sources used I'd say it's revenue generated, as I believe that's the wording used in the DoJ releases, but I'll go back into the sources and try to find some clarity. CommissarDoggoTalk? 09:50, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- with the majority earned through the DG Auto Parts corporation Is this the company they sold the converters to? If so could you specify that? IntentionallyDense (talk) 04:17, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- ...Strangely enough I don't actually know where I got that from, I'll clarify it. CommissarDoggoTalk? 09:53, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- The money earned would then be divided between the owners of the company I may be overthinking but was the money divided between the owners of DG Auto Parts or the criminal group? IntentionallyDense (talk) 04:17, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- Nah you're not overthinking, it is a bit weirdly worded. CommissarDoggoTalk? 09:56, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- The investigation began in late 2020 and early 2021 in Oklahoma during a wave of catalytic converter thefts in Tulsa. What prompted the investigation? Was it the stolen converters? If so maybe reword to reflect that. IntentionallyDense (talk) 04:17, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- The investigation was prompted by the wave of catalytic converter thefts, however weirdly enough I can't find the exact reason why I worded it like that in the main body, but I'm fairly certain it came from source 17;
"Oklahoma, like the rest of the country, had been experiencing an astonishing rise in thefts of the devices...The officers called in a lieutenant who’d been working with the FBI to investigate the wave of thefts...The case might have ended there. But in the months before the traffic stop, as the police tried to get a handle on the theft problem,"
Regardless, I'll reword it to reflect the source better and to clarify things. CommissarDoggoTalk? 10:05, 25 October 2024 (UTC)- Your changes to the lead so far have made a lot of improvement, thank you! IntentionallyDense (talk) 17:16, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- The investigation was prompted by the wave of catalytic converter thefts, however weirdly enough I can't find the exact reason why I worded it like that in the main body, but I'm fairly certain it came from source 17;
- By September, a team of investigators had linked Curtis Cores, a company owned by Tyler Curtis then suspected of buying and selling stolen catalytic converters, with DG Auto Parts, a company in Freehold, New Jersey, which was a recipient of the stolen catalytic converters, owned by Navin and Tinu Khanna. This is a really long and somewhat hard-to-follow sentence. Could you rephrase a bit? IntentionallyDense (talk) 04:17, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
Background
edit- It is unclear whether Dowa performed any form of vetting on their suppliers. Is there more to this comment? IntentionallyDense (talk) 17:31, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- Unfortunately not, I couldn't find any other sources relating to whether they vetted their suppliers, more or less whether they knew what they were buying was stolen. CommissarDoggoTalk? 18:13, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- I feel like you may be able to cut back on some of the details in the "Dowa Metals & Mining America and Nippon PGM Co." section. I don't really see how the level of detail you have is warranted although I do applaud the effort you've put into researching this. IntentionallyDense (talk) 17:31, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- It was really fun researching it, yeah. I might keep the details I've got off to one side in case I decide to make articles of those, but yes I'll try to rewrite it now. CommissarDoggoTalk? 18:19, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- Sounds good. Looks better now. IntentionallyDense (talk) 03:20, 26 October 2024 (UTC)
- It was really fun researching it, yeah. I might keep the details I've got off to one side in case I decide to make articles of those, but yes I'll try to rewrite it now. CommissarDoggoTalk? 18:19, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
Initial investigation
edit- The police then attempted to flip the cutters for their fences. Could you expand on what this means? Specifically the usage of the terms "flip" and "fences". IntentionallyDense (talk) 17:37, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- Would this be any better? CommissarDoggoTalk? 18:17, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- The warehouse was owned by Tyler Curtis Which warehouse? IntentionallyDense (talk) 17:37, 25 October 2024 (UTC)
- The warehouse directly refers to the prior sentence,
"In May 2021, GPS tracked Low's vehicle to an automobile recycling warehouse on Oklahoma State Highway 51 in Broken Arrow."
CommissarDoggoTalk? 18:15, 25 October 2024 (UTC)- Oops thanks for pointing this out. IntentionallyDense (talk) 03:18, 26 October 2024 (UTC)
- The warehouse directly refers to the prior sentence,
- improbably-named Kansas Core What do you mean by this? IntentionallyDense (talk) 04:13, 26 October 2024 (UTC)
- Several weeks after Kansas Core gained the warrant to surveil Curtis Cores, he gained a search warrant for Curtis's Facebook account. Is the Kansas Core one person? IntentionallyDense (talk) 04:13, 26 October 2024 (UTC)
- I'm going to answer both this and the prior question with the same answer as I feel they might be related, that and it's very fun to explain it. Kansas Core is one person, he's one of the initial investigators on the case. I didn't initially write about how improbable his name was, that was later added for clarification. I originally wrote his full name, Kansas Core, and then in later inclusions simply stated his last name, as per policy. This turned out to be somewhat of an issue I was blind to, as noted on a reply to a Twitter post by Depths of Wikipedia on the article that it was quite confusing that a man with the last name Core was investigating Curtis Cores. As such, all subsequent uses contained his full name to maintain clarity.
- It was later put in invisible text I believe during or directly following the DYK that an editor simply didn't believe that that was his name, wish I could find the diff. It was later stated that that is in fact his name, and the source specifically states;
Yet the case still might have fizzled if not for the presence, in Tulsa’s Riverside Street Crimes Unit, of an officer with the improbable name Kansas Core ... The cat racket was hardly a choice assignment. “There’s this ‘We don’t care about catalytic converters, because it’s a property crime’ ” camp at the department, Staggs says. “It’s not a sexy crime. It’s not the robberies and the homicides.” When the previous commander gave Core the case, it wasn’t exactly hazing, but it wasn’t far off. “I’m pretty sure that lieutenant basically was like, ‘Core, you’re the up-and-coming guy,’ ” Staggs says. “ ‘Your last name is Core, and all the criminals call these cores. Here you go.’ ”
- It was then later added by another user how improbable the name is, reflecting the wording in the source, leading to the current
improbably-named Kansas Core
wording. If you want it changed then by all means, I just thought I'd explain the whole thing. CommissarDoggoTalk? 09:48, 26 October 2024 (UTC)- Oh that makes much more sense thank you for clarifying. No need to change anything I was just very confused. IntentionallyDense (talk) 22:58, 26 October 2024 (UTC)
- Edwards "I didn't deal with that guy [Navin Khanna] much. Curtis dealt with him...I did talk to the guy—just kind of rubbed me the wrong way." I think this is meant to say "Edwards said". IntentionallyDense (talk) 04:13, 26 October 2024 (UTC)
- I, in fact, most certainly did. CommissarDoggoTalk? 09:50, 26 October 2024 (UTC)
Dismantling the state theft rings
edit- In an interview with one of the gang's leaders, police were told that Curtis instructed them as to what vehicles to steal from Who is "them" in this context, I'm assuming it is the gang leaders but that could be made clearer. IntentionallyDense (talk) 00:29, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- Weird to still be online when you're here, but nice all the same.
- Changed, is this better? CommissarDoggoTalk? 00:38, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- Yes this looks much better! IntentionallyDense (talk) 22:53, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- According to court documents, Theodore Nicholas Papouloglou incorporated DG Auto South in Emporia, Virginia, in November 2020. This one is a bit tricky so if you can't think of a way to rephrase this then that's fine but the wording here is a bit awkward. IntentionallyDense (talk) 00:29, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- I agree it feels somewhat awkward, but yes I would have trouble trying to find some way to reword it. With any luck someone with fresh eyes will find another way to word it in the future. CommissarDoggoTalk? 00:40, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- Fair enough. IntentionallyDense (talk) 22:53, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- I agree it feels somewhat awkward, but yes I would have trouble trying to find some way to reword it. With any luck someone with fresh eyes will find another way to word it in the future. CommissarDoggoTalk? 00:40, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- He received over $12.2 million in wired payments from DG Auto Parts between 2020 and 2021 for, among other things, the sale of catalytic converters. What other things? IntentionallyDense (talk) 00:29, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- This one's annoying, it's from a DoJ source which doesn't actually state what other things he gained his income from. I'll have a think on it as I go through the rest of this, but I'm likely to remove the latter part due to that lack of further info. CommissarDoggoTalk? 00:42, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- As I somewhat expected would be my decision, I simply removed that part. CommissarDoggoTalk? 01:10, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- This one's annoying, it's from a DoJ source which doesn't actually state what other things he gained his income from. I'll have a think on it as I go through the rest of this, but I'm likely to remove the latter part due to that lack of further info. CommissarDoggoTalk? 00:42, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- There is a bit of WP:PROSELINE going on with the sections "Oregon", "Colorado", "Minnesota", and "California". IntentionallyDense (talk) 00:29, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- This is another annoying issue I ran into, it was weirdly difficult for me to pick out where to put each section without (in my mind) drastically messing around with the article. This is another one I might have to chew on for a bit. CommissarDoggoTalk? 00:45, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- Sounds good. Once you've fixed that let me know but I will continue to do my review in the meantime. IntentionallyDense (talk) 22:54, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- I'm honestly not too sure what to do with it, I might end up having to ask on the Discord to see whether anyone else has any ideas on how to reword it. CommissarDoggoTalk? 23:04, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- ...Ok, I think I somewhat understand how to futz about with this, am I right? CommissarDoggoTalk? 23:19, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- That looks better. From my understanding it just involved switching up the order in which you place dates. IntentionallyDense (talk) 01:54, 28 October 2024 (UTC)
- That was my understanding too, yeah. Thanks! CommissarDoggoTalk? 11:01, 28 October 2024 (UTC)
- That looks better. From my understanding it just involved switching up the order in which you place dates. IntentionallyDense (talk) 01:54, 28 October 2024 (UTC)
- ...Ok, I think I somewhat understand how to futz about with this, am I right? CommissarDoggoTalk? 23:19, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- I'm honestly not too sure what to do with it, I might end up having to ask on the Discord to see whether anyone else has any ideas on how to reword it. CommissarDoggoTalk? 23:04, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- Sounds good. Once you've fixed that let me know but I will continue to do my review in the meantime. IntentionallyDense (talk) 22:54, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- This is another annoying issue I ran into, it was weirdly difficult for me to pick out where to put each section without (in my mind) drastically messing around with the article. This is another one I might have to chew on for a bit. CommissarDoggoTalk? 00:45, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- He was identified as a major local fence Maybe explain the term fence or use a different term. IntentionallyDense (talk) 00:29, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- At the time he lived with Jerrica Oga-Garo, his new fiancée, and their new-born child in a three bedroom rental property in Oak Hills, Beaverton, Oregon. At the time, Two points here. a) I don't really think what kind of house he has and his newborn are relevant but let me know if I'm wrong. b) Could you change one of the sentences so they don't both start with "At the time". IntentionallyDense (talk) 00:29, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- They operated the business from their home Do you mean him and his wife? If so could you make this a bit clearer? IntentionallyDense (talk) 00:29, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- How is this for those three points;
According to an indictment from July 2022, Tanner Hellbusch, who bought and resold cars and their components, began stealing catalytic converters sometime prior to February 2021. He was identified as a major local source of stolen catalytic converters, either stealing them himself or buying them from thieves and selling them on. At the time he lived with Jerrica Oga-Garo, his new fiancée, in Oak Hills, Beaverton, Oregon; he and his fiancée operated the business from their home, using the property to store catalytic converters and meet with buyers. Hellbusch placed advertisements on Facebook Marketplace looking for new suppliers.
CommissarDoggoTalk? 00:56, 27 October 2024 (UTC)- That looks much better thank you! IntentionallyDense (talk) 22:55, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- How is this for those three points;
- Based on a tip from a Beaverton Police Department officer and a detective from Clackamas County, Oregon, that Hellbusch was a major fence for catalytic converters, the Beaverton Police Department began an investigation into the theft ring. Might sound better if worded as Based on a tip that Hellbusch was a major fence for catalytic converters from a Beaverton Police Department officer and a detective from Clackamas County, Oregon, the Beaverton Police Department began an investigation into the theft ring. IntentionallyDense (talk) 00:29, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- How is this? CommissarDoggoTalk? 01:02, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- That looks great, thanks. IntentionallyDense (talk) 22:56, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- How is this? CommissarDoggoTalk? 01:02, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- Learning that he would be traveling back to Tulsa, he was stopped at the airport. The wording here almost makes it sound like the employee learnt he was going back to Tulsa when I'm assuming it's the police that learnt this. Could you make this clearer? IntentionallyDense (talk) 00:29, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- decanned on-site What does de-canned mean in this context? IntentionallyDense (talk) 00:49, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- Decanning is explained earlier on in the page in Background/DG Auto Parts, but to simplify it decanning is the process in which catalytic converters are broken apart so that the precious metals can be extracted. CommissarDoggoTalk? 01:08, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- Looks better. Thanks for being so cooperative with all of my feedback! IntentionallyDense (talk) 22:57, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- Decanning is explained earlier on in the page in Background/DG Auto Parts, but to simplify it decanning is the process in which catalytic converters are broken apart so that the precious metals can be extracted. CommissarDoggoTalk? 01:08, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- In August 2020, police acquired a search warrant for a phone "associated with a known cutter", with which they discovered the cutter had been discussing catalytic converters with a man called Choy Saeteurn, a mechanic based in Sacramento. This sentence is quite long and hard to follow, could you rephrase it? IntentionallyDense (talk) 22:52, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- Sorted, I think. CommissarDoggoTalk? 22:59, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
Sting operations at DG Auto Parts
edit- There is some very minor borderline WP:PROSELINE going on with this section. IntentionallyDense (talk) 23:09, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- Fixed. I hadn't reloaded the page before making this comment. IntentionallyDense (talk) 01:55, 28 October 2024 (UTC)
- On May 8, 2022, a Wyandotte Nation Tribal Police Department officer pulled over a rental truck and had a detection dog search the vehicle; the dog indicated it had detected something. Was there a reason the rental truck was pulled over or was it just a routine stop? If it was just a routine stop then no need to add anything but if there was other reasons they may be relevant. IntentionallyDense (talk) 23:09, 27 October 2024 (UTC)
- This is another one of those annoying cases where the source didn't elaborate on the cause at all, the source text says
"Six days later, an officer from the Wyandotte Nation Tribal Police Department in northeastern Oklahoma pulled over a rented Penske truck. A dog was deployed to “air-sniff” the vehicle, and once again the K-9 detected something. The police searched the truck and discovered three pallets of catalytic converters and $1.3 million in cash."
CommissarDoggoTalk? 23:13, 27 October 2024 (UTC)- Yeah if the source doesn't elaborate then that's fine I just wanted to double check! IntentionallyDense (talk) 01:57, 28 October 2024 (UTC)
- This is another one of those annoying cases where the source didn't elaborate on the cause at all, the source text says
Operation Heavy Metal
edit- On that day, the arrest of six of his partners and employees occurred alongside his wife may sound better as That day Curtis Cores, his wife, and six of his partner and employees were arrested. or something similar. IntentionallyDense (talk) 01:37, 28 October 2024 (UTC)
- Dowa Metals & Mining America had provided DG Auto Parts with the approximately $545,000,000 in profits that police uncovered during the investigation. may sound better as During the investigation police uncovered that Dowa Metals & Mining America had provided DG Auto Parts with the approximately $545,000,000 in profits or something similar. IntentionallyDense (talk) 01:37, 28 October 2024 (UTC)
- Hopefully these changes are better? Feel free to suggest if you think they should be reworded better. CommissarDoggoTalk? 11:09, 28 October 2024 (UTC)
- Both look better! IntentionallyDense (talk) 21:29, 28 October 2024 (UTC)
- Hopefully these changes are better? Feel free to suggest if you think they should be reworded better. CommissarDoggoTalk? 11:09, 28 October 2024 (UTC)
Aftermath
edit- There is a little bit of WP:PROSELINE going on in the "Further aftermath" section. IntentionallyDense (talk) 01:51, 28 October 2024 (UTC)
- Fixed. I hadn't reloaded the page before making this comment. IntentionallyDense (talk) 01:56, 28 October 2024 (UTC)
Overall
editWhat an interesting article. I really enjoyed doing this review. I hope the amount of feedback I gave hasn't been discouraging at all. Thank you for getting back to me so quickly throughout this review. I believe with some very minor tweaks regarding prose this article meets GAC. IntentionallyDense (talk) 01:51, 28 October 2024 (UTC)
- No worries at all, I'm just glad it's almost across the line after all this time, and the amount of feedback definitely wasn't discouraging. I'm actually pretty happy to have finally learned how to avoid proseline haha
- I'm really glad you liked it, because I had an absolute blast researching and finishing it off for Vami back then. CommissarDoggoTalk? 11:13, 28 October 2024 (UTC)
- Everything looks good. I'm going to go ahead and pass this! IntentionallyDense (talk) 21:29, 28 October 2024 (UTC)