Talk:Agneta Matthes

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Agneta Matthes/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: TheSpecialUser (talk · contribs) 08:34, 11 August 2012 (UTC)

Looks good! TheSpecialUser ^TSU 08:34, 11 August 2012 (UTC)

• Thanks! If you are passing this, could you please do so? Thanks again! Thine Antique Pen (public) 21:41, 11 August 2012 (UTC)

Review

This discussion has been closed. Please do not modify it.
The following discussion has been closed. Please do not modify it.
She and her husband Jacob Cornelis van Marken were involved in ->She along with her husband Jacob Cornelis van Marken, were involved in  Not done; previous prose was better in my opinion. Thine Antique Pen (public) 08:12, 12 August 2012 (UTC) Matthes and van Marken created living quarters for workers in her hometown - replace hometown with the name. Most probably it'll be Amsterdam but right now it is not clear  Done; Delft, South Holland. Thine Antique Pen (public) 08:12, 12 August 2012 (UTC) named Agneta Park after her that are considered a model for the cooperative development and construction of garden cities for workers - I cannot understand the meaning properly. "garden cities for workers" what does that mean? Please re-phrase a bit The garden city movement, explained in the Agneta Park section. But;  done anyway. Thine Antique Pen (public) 08:12, 12 August 2012 (UTC) Matthes founded and ran the Delft perfume factory, Maison Neuve, to take advantage of a by-product of the yeast factory. -> Matthes founded and ran a Delft perfume factory, Maison Neuve, to take advantage of a by-product from the yeast factory.  Done. Thine Antique Pen (public) 08:12, 12 August 2012 (UTC) in Bibliography - can you provide ISBN or links where it is available?  Done for one; not required by WP:WIAGA though. Thine Antique Pen (public) 08:12, 12 August 2012 (UTC) Matthes was taught privately, and spent 1862 to 1864 in Utrecht in a boarding school -> Matthes was taught privately, and lived in Utrecht at a boarding school from 1862 to 1864  Not done; she stayed at the boarding school and didn't live there. Not required by WP:WIAGA though... Thine Antique Pen (public) 08:12, 12 August 2012 (UTC) When she returned to Amsterdam, she studied piano and dance, and took art classes and religious instruction. -> When she returned to Amsterdam, she studied piano and dance, as well as took art classes and religious instruction.  Not done; antecedent read better. Thine Antique Pen (public) 08:12, 12 August 2012 (UTC) he remembered this method and decided to produce industrial baker's yeast of consistently high quality -> he recalled the method which he learnt during his tour, and decided to produce industrial baker's yeast of consistently high quality  Done. Thine Antique Pen (public) 08:12, 12 August 2012 (UTC) Please state that why their marriage was childless.  Not done; article already explains van Marken's health problems in a later section. Thine Antique Pen (public) 08:12, 12 August 2012 (UTC) In 1886, when Jacques van Marken was in France at a spa, Agneta Matthes found a letter from Mary Eringaard requesting the child support that he owed for their children,[1] which led to Matthes discovering that her husband had begun a relationship with Eringaard in 1871 when she was aged 15, and that he had four children by her.[3] - split into two sentences  Not done; please clarify, currently the prose flows fine. Thine Antique Pen (public) 08:12, 12 August 2012 (UTC) It does flow fine but it is just little big. TheSpecialUser TSU 10:00, 12 August 2012 (UTC) No policy on this and would be worse for the reader. Thine Antique Pen (public) 10:13, 12 August 2012 (UTC) She did not tell van Markem that she knew about the affair until three years later, in 1889, when at the age of 36, Eringaard and two of her children died from tuberculosis. -> She did not tell van Markem that she knew about the affair till three years, but in 1889, when Eringaard was 36 years old, two of her children suffered death due to tuberculosis. + ref?  Done. Thine Antique Pen (public) 08:12, 12 August 2012 (UTC) Officially they were foster children - link "foster children" if possible  Not done: foster children is a common phrase and should not be linked. Per WP:OVERLINK. Thine Antique Pen (public) 08:12, 12 August 2012 (UTC) I never heard of it but now know it's meaning due to GAR. If I were a reader who is not knowledgeable about the term, I would be curious to know the meaning (which the majority of users will be as majority of population on earth consist of people not good at English) TheSpecialUser TSU 10:00, 12 August 2012 (UTC)  Done: but it is the most common thing I've ever linked! Thine Antique Pen (public) 10:29, 12 August 2012 (UTC) but it was an open secret in Dutch society that van Marken was their father. - open secret? please clarify  Done. Thine Antique Pen (public) 08:12, 12 August 2012 (UTC) The youngest daughter, Anna Erry Eringaard, was married in 1932 to the diplomat and publisher Daniel Johannes von Balluseck (1895–1976). -> change "the" to "a". Also link diplomat and publisher  Not done: I preferred previous way. " a " is used 75 times in article already. Thine Antique Pen (public) 08:12, 12 August 2012 (UTC) It doesn't matter how much "a" is used. "the" is used for prominent things. On the other hand, "the" can be used for him if it is in the start of a new line but it is odd where it is placed in the current line. TheSpecialUser TSU 10:00, 12 August 2012 (UTC) You would use "a" if you don't know the name of the person in question and just saying that they were a diplomat and publisher. I must also say that I use BrEn. Thine Antique Pen (public) 10:13, 12 August 2012 (UTC) See the /suggestions page which I've created. Being a native English speaker, I would suggest to keep the current or use the last one. Thine Antique Pen (public) 10:19, 12 August 2012 (UTC) The last one looks fine :) TheSpecialUser TSU 10:25, 12 August 2012 (UTC) OK;  Done. Thine Antique Pen (public) 10:29, 12 August 2012 (UTC) It was the first such magazine in the world. -> It was the first magazine in the world of that kind.  Done as "It was the first magazine of that kind in the world." Thine Antique Pen (public) 08:12, 12 August 2012 (UTC) such as his 1881 book -> such as his book of 1881  Not done: commonly used as what it already is; reads better. Thine Antique Pen (public) 08:12, 12 August 2012 (UTC)

That is the half part. Activities and services and Social welfare are left out which I'll finish by mid-night. Thanks! TheSpecialUser ^TSU 02:56, 12 August 2012 (UTC)

• I can't find anything wrong! Passing this. TheSpecialUser ^TSU 14:58, 14 August 2012 (UTC)

Thanks! That's 8 now. :) Thine Antique Pen (public) 15:07, 14 August 2012 (UTC)

Further improvement

Here are some pointers to improve the article:

• expand lead to better summarize the article (MOS:INTRO)
• include the pronunciation of her name (WP:PRON)
• mention her death in article text
• fix dead links in three references one reference
• change the link of reference "KB ontvangt complete editie oudste bedrijfsblad ter wereld" to the actual article

– Editør (talk) 11:21, 12 January 2014 (UTC)

I've updated the list. – Editør (talk) 17:18, 30 January 2014 (UTC)