Talk:Angela Patton

Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment

This article is or was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): Shannon glass. Peer reviewers: Hportmann, Andreamays.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 17:18, 17 January 2022 (UTC)

Well Done

Angela Patton should be a title instead of a heading. The subheadings should be regular headings.--Hportmann (talk) 15:32, 22 October 2018 (UTC) --Hportmann (talk) 15:24, 24 October 2018 (UTC)

Good Job

Organized well, perhaps adding a picture would be beneficial.UniversityofCincinnatiStudent (talk) 15:33, 22 October 2018 (UTC)

Really liked the hyperlinks and citations! JShadeee (talk) 15:35, 22 October 2018 (UTC)

Need more information about the father-daughter dance.Southesm (talk) 15:36, 22 October 2018 (UTC)

Very little wrong

I think the only problem with the page (that I can see) is the fact that the topic doesn't actually have sections other than the summary section, which includes all of what it seems like are intended to be the sections you want to have listed. It's a simple fix, and I think it would make it less confusing to follow. I do, however, like the way the topic's info is divided. It seems like there is a general emphasis on the important and notable aspects of this person's life. Dwyersa (talk) 15:38, 22 October 2018 (UTC)

Good Job

We really like your article. You did a good job organizing it. We really like the structure and it has helped us as well. The titles are nice too Deeemarie (talk) 15:40, 22 October 2018 (UTC)

Peer Review

Overall, the article is great and well organized.

Make sure that you are citing a source after each time that you use it, not just once. That is something that will likely be flagged once posted live.

The first source cited does not link to anything and thus needs to be changed.

I would double check your sources to be sure that all are credible. The few that I checked looked good, but with about 20 sources, there is a stronger chance of one not being sufficient.

Camp Diva - are there any statistics you can include? How many girls attend? The impact made?

Correction in second paragraph of lead: "This emotional and inspirational speech was watched [...]"

Overall, your article was extremely impressive and it is evident that you put a lot of time into your research! --Andreamays (talk) 04:04, 24 October 2018 (UTC)

Peer Review

Angela Patton should be a title instead of a heading. The subheadings should be regular headings. It is well organized and the other subtopics that you are adding are good. Keep everything in chronological order when it comes to the TEDtalk, CampDiva, and the Father Daughter dance. Article is super well written and gives good information but maybe add a little more details into it. It is a very good draft. Hportmann (talk) 15:26, 24 October 2018 (UTC)

response to Andrea's peer review

Thank you for your feedback! I reviewed my writing and I added in sources after each new source and idea. I do think statistics about Camp Diva would be helpful, however there are no good evidence regarding their statistics. It could be for privacy? I did find out the age range of the girls who attend Camp Diva! Describing the impact is difficult to remain neutral. That is why I included what the camp activities teach the girls. I think that describes the impact in a neutral manner. I also revised my grammar and spelling!

--Shannon glass (talk) 15:33, 26 October 2018 (UTC)

response to Hailey's peer review

Thanks for your feedback, Hailey! I fixed the headings and titles. I also divided the "work history" into two sections of "education" and "work" and then the subsection under "work" are "camp diva" and "father-daughter prison dance". This is chronological in my lead section because I discuss Camp Diva and then the TED talk that describes the dance and then go on to explain her awards because of her non-profit work. --Shannon glass (talk) 15:40, 26 October 2018 (UTC)

Edit

I added a comma after or in the first paragraph to help with grammar. --Hportmann (talk) 16:08, 29 October 2018 (UTC)