Talk:Battle of Flores (1592)

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Battle of Flores (1592)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Khanate General (talk · contribs) 14:52, 8 December 2013 (UTC)

• Will review in a few days.--Khanate General (talk) 14:52, 8 December 2013 (UTC)

Lead

• "led by initially Walter Raleigh" "Initially" should be placed next to the verb "led".
• "including the large Portuguese Carrack Madre de Deus which was captured after a long naval battle off Flores island" "Which" introduces a nonrestrictive clause and needs a comma.
• "The expedition, particularly the capture of the great carrack was a huge success" The parenthetical phrase is missing a comma after "carrack".
• "and subsequent arguments of share." The clause needs a verb, like "there were subsequent arguments".

General

• The toolbox shows that multiple links need to be disambiguated .
• There are problems with the sources:
  • Pages should be abbreviated p. or pp. and not pg.
  • Many of the page numbers are also missing a period after the abbreviation.
  • Some of the references are malformed, like the "[[{{subst:date}}]]" in the Hakluyt reference
  • Why are there Spanish words in a list of English language sources? "págs. 59." in the Edwards references should be "pages".
  • This is a minor nitpick, but you should cite the 2004 updated Oxford DNB instead of the outdated 1885 one.
• The article is in need of some major copyediting. There are several grammatical and MoS issues, just in the lead alone. Contact Wikipedia:WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors.
• File:Elizabeth1592.jpg is missing the copyright parameters.
  • The article is broad in coverage, stable, and neutral. However, there are problems with the sources, grammar, and images. The article needs a copyeditor to go through it before the review resumes.--Khanate General (talk) 13:07, 10 December 2013 (UTC)

Sorted some of this. ChrisWet (talk) 22:47, 21 December 2013 (UTC)

Thank you. Could you list the changes that you've made below the comments in the bullet points? So that we can determine what still needs fixing.--Khanate General ☪ talk ^{project mongol conquests} 23:17, 21 December 2013 (UTC)

Sure:

• Pages abbreviated to p.
• Sorted malformed reference - Hakluyt.
• Edwards reference - Spanish words removed & replaced.
• File:Elizabeth1592.jpg now has the correct copyright parameter.
• Improvements in the lead as pointed out.

Will work on some more later. ChrisWet (talk) 00:00, 22 December 2013 (UTC)

Has everything else been addressed? Wizardman 04:49, 27 January 2014 (UTC)

I have put in a request for Wikipedia:WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors as this seems to be the only major problem left. If not, do tell what else there is. ChrisWet (talk) 11:40, 27 January 2014 (UTC)

Can the clarification needed tag be addressed? If so I'll pass this assuming good faith that the copyedit will finally get done (I did a skim look in the meantime) Wizardman 02:52, 22 February 2014 (UTC)

The copyedit request is in January's backlog , what clarification tag are we on about here? ChrisWet (talk) 21:05, 22 February 2014 (UTC)

There's a clarification tag in the second paragraph of Expedition, placed by User:MostRecentUser on 14 February.--Khanate General ☪ talk ^{project mongol conquests} 07:59, 23 February 2014 (UTC)

Done. Complicated given the nature of a joint stock venture. ChrisWet (talk) 13:11, 23 February 2014 (UTC)

Passing now that the copyedit has (finally) been done. Wizardman 05:39, 2 March 2014 (UTC)

Can we clarify this?

"George Clifford, the Earl of Cumberland had a large stake in the expedition; the ship Dainty (owned by John Hawkins) under command of John Norton as well as many of the support ships that were with the fleet belonged to him."

So who owned Dainty? Clifford or Hawkins? Or does "belonging to" mean something different from "owned by" that, not being versed in naval terms, I don't know about? MostRecentUser (talk) 16:51, 14 February 2014 (UTC)

As it was a joint stock venture, Hawkins still owned the ship, but the fleet belonged to Cumberland; complicated yes but this was how things operated in Elizabethan England.ChrisWet (talk) 19:29, 14 February 2014 (UTC)

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