A fact from Brian Hill (swimmer) appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the Did you know column on 10 October 2014 (check views). The text of the entry was as follows:
Did you know... that the blind Canadian swimmer Brian Hill prepared for the 2008 Paralympics by swimming 120 km (75 mi) in two weeks?
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Brian David Hill (born 29 December 1982) is a S13 Canadian para-swimmer who has competed in the 2000, 2004, 2008, 2012 Summer Paralympics and the 2007 Parapan American Games - Link 2004, 2008 & 2012 to the Paralympic pages (e.g 2012 Summer Paralympics); link Canadian
He started swimming as a child and competitive swimming at the age of nine. He has won the Blind Sports Award and also the Athlete of the Year Award - link Athlete of the Year
Done
Lead needs to mention medals. Per WP:LEAD, a subjects claim to notability should be mentioned in the lead
Hill was born on 29 December 1982 in Duncan, British Columbia with a genetic retinal disorder which results in only ten percent vision. - [citation needed]
FN 2 already cited that.
He now resides at Montreal, Quebec after the 2004 Summer Paralympics. - unlink 2004 Summer Paralympics as it will be linked in lead; sentence should be rephrased, maybe: Since the 2004 Summer Paralympics, he has resided in Montreal, Quebec.
Done
During his childhood, Hill's parents dug a 17 metre pool for him to swim in. - [citation needed]
Same thing as above
It was where he started competitive swimming at the age of nine.- [where?]
At the age of 17, Hill participated in six events at the 2000 Sydney Summer Paralympics. - unlink 2000 Sydney Summer Paralympics; rephrase to 2000 Summer Paralympics in Sydney, Australia
Done
Hill won five medals at the 2007 Parapan American Games including three golds and two silvers. - unlink 2007 Parapan American Games, link that in the lead
Done
He won gold in 100 metre butterfly where he got a time of 1:00.52. He had tied the world record score with Canadian Para-swimmer Walter Wu. - in the lead you say para- not Para-, be consistent
Done
Technically it was very good;" - why a ; not a .
? What do you mean?
Before going to Beijing for Hill's third Paralympic Games, his preparation involved swimming about 120 kilometres in two weeks. - swap Hill and his to make sentence flow
Done
Hill said, "I completed about eight to nine workouts a week and spent around 18 to 20 hours per week in the pool" - needs punctuation after pool
Done
At the 2008 Summer Paralympics - unlink 2008 Summer Paralympics
Done
At the 2012 Summer Paralympics - unlink 2012 Summer Paralympics; three paragraphs in a row starting with "At the ...", change it up
"Technically it was very good;" - why a ; not a ." - What I meant was after good you have a colon (;) and it should be a full stop (.) as it the end of the sentence
Per MOS:NUMBERS 1-9th should be first, eighth, seventh etc.
"At the 2006 Commonwealth Games in Melbourne" - Link Melbourne
In the lead 2 and 3 should be spelt out (two, three)
"He had won five gold, 2 silver and 3 bronze in his international career" - five gold medals, two silver medals and three bronze medals"
In refs you over link IPC. IPC should only be linked for the first IPC ref,
Latest comment: 9 years ago2 comments2 people in discussion
I'm sorry TheQ Editor but I don't have time to continue this review. A new reviewer will work on this as I have asked here. Once again sorry and I hope to see this pass. - NG39 (Used to be NickGibson3900)Talk05:05, 14 November 2014 (UTC)Reply