Talk:Brian Hill (swimmer)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: NickGibson3900 (talk · contribs) 05:59, 10 October 2014 (UTC)

Will do soon. - NickGibson3900 ^Talk 05:59, 10 October 2014 (UTC) @TheQ Editor: See below - NickGibson3900 ^Talk 04:11, 18 October 2014 (UTC)

Review

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

   No images

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

Lead

• Brian David Hill (born 29 December 1982) is a S13 Canadian para-swimmer who has competed in the 2000, 2004, 2008, 2012 Summer Paralympics and the 2007 Parapan American Games - Link 2004, 2008 & 2012 to the Paralympic pages (e.g 2012 Summer Paralympics); link Canadian

to Canada; link 2007 Parapan American Games to 2007 Pan American Games

• •  Done
• He started swimming as a child and competitive swimming at the age of nine. He has won the Blind Sports Award and also the Athlete of the Year Award - link Athlete of the Year
  •  Done
• Lead needs to mention medals. Per WP:LEAD, a subjects claim to notability should be mentioned in the lead
  •  Done
• See point two in #Career
  •  Done
• See point three in #Career
  •  Done

Personal life

• Hill was born on 29 December 1982 in Duncan, British Columbia with a genetic retinal disorder which results in only ten percent vision. -
  • FN 2 already cited that.
• He now resides at Montreal, Quebec after the 2004 Summer Paralympics. - unlink 2004 Summer Paralympics as it will be linked in lead; sentence should be rephrased, maybe: Since the 2004 Summer Paralympics, he has resided in Montreal, Quebec.
  •  Done
• During his childhood, Hill's parents dug a 17 metre pool for him to swim in. -
  • Same thing as above
• It was where he started competitive swimming at the age of nine.-
  •  Done

Career

• At the age of 17, Hill participated in six events at the 2000 Sydney Summer Paralympics. - unlink 2000 Sydney Summer Paralympics; rephrase to 2000 Summer Paralympics in Sydney, Australia
  •  Done
• Hill won five medals at the 2007 Parapan American Games including three golds and two silvers. - unlink 2007 Parapan American Games, link that in the lead
  •  Done
• He won gold in 100 metre butterfly where he got a time of 1:00.52. He had tied the world record score with Canadian Para-swimmer Walter Wu. - in the lead you say para- not Para-, be consistent
  •  Done
• Technically it was very good;" - why a ; not a .
  • ? What do you mean?
• Before going to Beijing for Hill's third Paralympic Games, his preparation involved swimming about 120 kilometres in two weeks. - swap Hill and his to make sentence flow
  •  Done
• Hill said, "I completed about eight to nine workouts a week and spent around 18 to 20 hours per week in the pool" - needs punctuation after pool
  •  Done
• At the 2008 Summer Paralympics - unlink 2008 Summer Paralympics
  •  Done
• At the 2012 Summer Paralympics - unlink 2012 Summer Paralympics; three paragraphs in a row starting with "At the ...", change it up
  •  Done

References

• FN4: Needs to have the correct title, "Canadian swimmer Brian Hill ready for fourth Paralympic Games" not "Swimming Canada"
  •  Done

Round two

• "Technically it was very good;" - why a ; not a ." - What I meant was after good you have a colon (;) and it should be a full stop (.) as it the end of the sentence
• Per MOS:NUMBERS 1-9th should be first, eighth, seventh etc.
• "At the 2006 Commonwealth Games in Melbourne" - Link Melbourne
• In the lead 2 and 3 should be spelt out (two, three)
• "He had won five gold, 2 silver and 3 bronze in his international career" - five gold medals, two silver medals and three bronze medals"
• In refs you over link IPC. IPC should only be linked for the first IPC ref,

@NickGibson3900: All done!  ΤheQ Editor  ^Talk? 21:25, 31 October 2014 (UTC)

Sorry

I'm sorry TheQ Editor but I don't have time to continue this review. A new reviewer will work on this as I have asked here. Once again sorry and I hope to see this pass. - NG39 (Used to be NickGibson3900)^Talk 05:05, 14 November 2014 (UTC)

I took a quick read through it since Nick isn't available now and didn't see any issues, so I'll go ahead and pass it. Wizardman 04:50, 23 November 2014 (UTC)