Talk:HMS Mystic (1915)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk · contribs) 01:04, 22 December 2022 (UTC)

I'll take a look at this shortly. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 01:04, 22 December 2022 (UTC)

Prelim

• destroyer is a duplicated link in the lede

• Removed.

• No edit wars
• Image correctly licensed
• Earwig reports copyvio unlikely

Lede and infobox

• "The M class were" was

• Fixed.

• Link launched

• Linked.

• "and acted part" > "and formed part"

• Changed.

• The lede seems to be repeating itself. You describe her serving in the screen for the battleships, which I assumed was Jutland, and then go on to serving in the same screen again but this time specify Jutland. Suggest parring this down considerably to just say after launching...she joined the Grand Fleet...participated at Jutland...screened the 2nd Battle Squadron...recorded no hits.

• I have rewritten this completely to also include some mention of service after Jutland.

• "After the Armistice"...in 1918

• Added.

• Was she decommissioned at the same time she was sold? I would assume the decommissioning happened some time before the actual sale

• The sources do not say.

• Could add depth charges to the armament, even if an exact number isn't possible

• Added.

Design and development

• "destroyer destroyers" repeated word

• Removed.

• "appreciated by the navy" suggest linking Royal Navy here

• Linked.

• "displacement" needs a capital

• Added.

• Link long tons

• Linked.

• Link shaft horsepower

• Linked.

• Link shafts

• Linked.

• "a design speed of 34 kn" you've told us that the design was meant to provide 36 knots. While this wasn't achieved, it surely doesn't mean that they designed it for the lower speed instead?

• It seems that the design was originally envisaged to be 36 kn but constraints meant that it ended up at 34 kn.

• "peace tanks" need an explanation, e.g. why were they not used in wartime? What made them different?

• They are fuel tanks that are used in peace time.

• "Armament" > "Mystic's armament"

• Added.

• Considering you're locating the QF 2-pdr based on the location of the torpedoes, a description of where the torpedoes were would be useful

• Added.

• "two chutes for two depth charges" does this mean that one chute fired one depth charge, or one chute fired two depth charges?

• Clarified.

• "as the war progressed" you haven't actually mentioned or linked the FWW in main text yet

• Added.

Construction and career

• A tough one I know, but do we know why the name was changed?

• Unfortunately the sources do not say.

• To ensure no confusion, suggest "The ship was the first to use the name Mystic in naval service"

• Clarified.

• "joining the Eleventh Destroyer Flotilla" Assume this means based at Scapa Flow; a location would be useful

• Added, with source.

• The source used for joining the Eleventh Destroyer Flotilla is "Corrected to the 18th December, 1915." so you can say when more or less Mystic had joined it by

• Added.

• Link flotillas

• Linked.

• "large naval exercise" do we know what the exercise was practicing/testing?

• Unfortunately the source does not go into detail.

• "took part in a number of sweeps" vague location?

• Added.

• "looking for the German fleet" Move High Seas Fleet link to here

• Linked.

• "1 June 1916" repeated year

• I have reworded this.

• What squadron was King George V part of?

• Added.

• "The destroyer avoided being in much of the fray" is there a reason for this? Did she have a particular duty that kept her away?

• Removed.

• "late in the battle"

• Added.

• "However, as evening fell"

• Removed.

• Link smoke screen

• Linked.

• "the flotilla saw a line of unknown vessels" the only flotilla I'm aware of here is the destroyer flotilla, so it's a little confusing to then be introduced to a cruiser! Make it clear she was the flotilla cruiser

• I have clarified this.

• You say the vessels were unknown, but are then sure that she lost "a second opportunity to strike the main German fleet"?

• Clarified with source.

• If possible a sentence underlining the end of the battle would be useful, instead of skipping straight to 1917

• Added.

• "the destroyers of Flotilla" something is missing here

• Clarified.

• Link Coast of Ireland Station

• Linked.

• Can we say if Mystic left the Grand Fleet for Ireland in 1917 or 1918?

• Added with source.

• "bank of destroyers" strange wording, "group" would work just as well

• Changed.

• The convoy escort description sentence is a tad confusing. What part of these journeys was Mystic actually a part of?

• Clarified.

• Give the armistice a date

• Added.

• Link North Sea

• Linked.

• "the harsh conditions of wartime operations..." this sentence does not outright say that these conditions and lack of galvanisation meant that the ship was in bad condition

• Amended.

• Repeat query about date of decommissioning

• There is no date in the sources, but I have added a bit more with a source which should help.

• There's a nice picture of Mystic in this book, not sure if you might be able to track it down

References

• The Campbell reference is not used. Looks like a useful modern source, suggest including rather than removing

• Good spot. I have added that in.

• Ref no. #18 does not mention the dates of Jutland or that it was the only major confrontation, it's a list showing that Mystic was in the Eleventh Destroyer Flotilla for the battle

• Sentence removed.

• Ref no. #11 does not say that Mystic was fitted with a balloon on that date or any date. I don't think Mystic is actually mentioned at all

• Removed.

• Ref no. #25 does not seem to mention the Eleventh Destroyer Flotilla or Mystic

• Clarified.

• AGF with the print sources. I think it would be worth your while to check over them when you have time though, as some mistakes do seem to be creeping in

• Thank you for taking the time over these. I feel that it is always helpful to have a second pair of eyes looking. I believe the remainder are good.

@Simongraham: That's all I have for now, will await responses. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 17:53, 30 December 2022 (UTC)

@Pickersgill-Cunliffe: Thank you for this excellent and thorough review. I believe I have made the changes you have requested and the article is much improved. simongraham (talk) 13:07, 3 January 2023 (UTC)

@Simongraham: Some final comments:

• "in naval service" should be "in Royal Navy service" because otherwise you're suggesting no other warship had ever been named Mystic

• Done.

• "east of the Shetland" I think you're looking for either "east of Shetland" or "east of the Shetland Isles"

• True. Fixed.

• "all the operational battlecruisers, battlecruisers" is one of these meant to be battleships?

• Yes.

• "rendezvoused"

• Amended.

• "2nd Scouting Group" of which navy?

• Clarified.

• Link light cruisers

• Linked.

• "While Castor and sister ship Marne" this suggests that Marne was a sister ship to Castor

• Clarified.

• Link port

• Linked.

• Destroyer is still duplicated in the lede, and battlecruiser and cruiser are in the main text

• How persistent. They are now removed.

• The references Battle of Jutland, 30 May to 1 June 1916: Official Despatches with Appendices and Monograph No. 35: Home Waters—Part IX.: 1st May, 1917 to 31st July, 1917 are not cited

• Added. I have also updated the relevant data in line with Vicary and added that as a source.

Happy with the rest of your edits. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 17:16, 3 January 2023 (UTC)

@Pickersgill-Cunliffe: Thank you. I believe these are now done. simongraham (talk) 01:23, 4 January 2023 (UTC)

@Simongraham: Made a few minor edits which you hopefully won't have a problem with. Apart from that, happy with this and passing the article as satisfying the GA criteria. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 19:22, 4 January 2023 (UTC)

@Pickersgill-Cunliffe: Not at all. Thank you for taking the time to help take this article to GA. Good luck with you own nominations. simongraham (talk) 16:34, 5 January 2023 (UTC)