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Talk:Herbert Vivian/GA1

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Latest comment: 5 years ago by Amitchell125 in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Latest comment: 5 years ago16 comments2 people in discussion
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Reviewer: Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 21:42, 2 October 2019 (UTC)Reply


Happy to take this one one. Amitchell125 21:42, 2 October 2019 (UTC)

Assessment

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I will add comments a section at a time, and let you know when I have completed the review. Amitchell125 (talk) 07:13, 10 October 2019 (UTC)Reply

Lead section

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  • a friend and admirer of Winston Churchill - it doesn't specifiy in the article that he admired Churchill. Need this be included here, as most friends are also admirers?
  • After the war, he became an extreme monarchist and supporter of fascism - why after the war, when he was a Neo-Jacobite in the 19th century?
  • Details to consider adding - that he was a friend of Wilde; that his publications included The Green Bay Tree, that he was twice married (although it doesn't have to be, little of the personal life section is mentioned in the lead).
  • ….the private secretary to Wilfrid Blunt... - I would amend to '...the private secretary to the poet and writer Wilfrid Blunt...', as Blunt may not be a household name to all readers.
  • the 1888 Deptford by-election - amend link (and include the date within in it) to Deptford_(UK_Parliament_constituency)#Elections_in_the_1880s. (Repeat in the Wilfrid Blunt section.)
  • the Neo-Jacobite Revival - consider amending to 'the Neo-Jacobite Revival, a the monarchist movement which aimed to restore a member of the House of Stuart on the British throme in place of the parliamentary system'.

Thank you. These are excellent suggestions, and I've incorporated them all into the lede. The Mirror Cracked (talk) 16:53, 10 October 2019 (UTC)Reply

Works

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  • Citation from books ideally include a link or ID number to help editors locate the source (WP:CITEHOW). Link:

I've added OCLC ids for all of these, and found a few more, which I've added as well. I'll continue to search for ID numbers for the remaining ones. The Mirror Cracked (talk) 18:38, 10 October 2019 (UTC)Reply

A few more comments.

  • Use this link to help add information about Tunisia and the modern Barbary pirates, which I don't think is listed in the article.
  • Use this source for the full text of The Servian Tragedy, replacing what is already there.
  • Replace the url for The Romance of Religion with this, the full text.

References

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  • Reference 3 requires a subscription, so I would add {{subscription required}} to each one, or include it in the {{citation}} template.
  • According to WP:CITEVAR, citations need to have a consistent style. The following references are inconsistent, or incomplete:
  • Addison et al;: author-link Henry Robert Addison, Douglas Sladen, John Venn, Richard Ellmann, Charles A. Coulombe, Victor Yarros, W. T. Stead, Albert Mackey, Anthony Powell, Samuel Halkett
  • Feldman, M - full stop after 'M'.
  • Find ISBN or OCLC numbers for all the books listed (I would use WorldCat). For example: ISBN numbers are required for Pittock (978-1-138-79912-7); Venn (978-1-108-03609-2); Ellmann (978-0-8041-5112-2), etc.; OCLC numbers are required for Fox-Davies (423748170); Herbert ( '"Myself not least, being the personal reminiscences of "X." 7832871), which appears to be have publised in 1925, not 1923; The Albemarle (695007761), etc..
  • Who Was Who; The Whirlwind (The Metropolitan Museum of Art); Biography of Walter Sickert, etc..
  • Reference 6 (Vivian (1923), cited 11 times), requires correct page numbers for each citation.
  • In the Saddle is a blog (see WP:BLOGS) and as an unacceptable source it needs to be replaced.
  • The author of this book is a Jacobite and its contents should be treated with caution. It is, however, factually accurate about the Jacobite League - I don't understand why this information is included here - as it appears to be someone's personal opinion.

I've added |url-access=subscription to reference 3. For reference 2, the link is to Google Books which has the 1903 edition of Who's Who available to read, since it is out of copyright. Is this adequate, or should I mark that one as subscription required as well? I've made the rest of the changes suggested in this section. Looking forward to the next batch. The Mirror Cracked (talk) 23:45, 10 October 2019 (UTC)Reply

Ref 2 should not have been included in my comment (it's gone now), my apologies. Reference 18 (Bio of Sickert) technically is OK as the url does work, but a full citation would be an improvement ("Walter Richard Sickert (Munich 1860 - Bath? 1942)". Stephen Ongpin Fine Art. Retrieved 11 October 2019.). --Amit
Please add for reference 88 (Halkett) - OCLC 1024950. -- Amit
Both done, thanks. The Mirror Cracked (talk) 14:56, 11 October 2019 (UTC)Reply

A few more urls:

Can you find the others? Amitchell125 (talk) 15:53, 15 October 2019 (UTC)Reply
- done. --Ami

Early life / Cambridge University

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  • Add Vivian's full name and full date of birth to this section, as they are included in the lead section.
  • Thomas Hughes author... 'Thomas Hughes, the author'.
  • Link Tom Brown's School Days.
  • No capitals for Member of Parliament.
  • under his wing - replace this, as it is idiomatic.
  • a significant amount - can you be more precise?
  • The record of Vivian's record of baptism 1 May 1865 is here (registration required), and could be added as a citation, especially as he was apparently baptised by his own father.
  • Reference 4 (Fox-D) also provides HV's date of birth. Add this citation next to Ref 3a; amend the pages cited from '1660' to 1660-1'.
  • Reference 4 (Fox-D) also confirms information about HV's grandfather - add this reference next to reference 5.
  • ...recalled playing in as a child. - he only recalled what it was like at Pencalenick, according to the reference (reference 6 Fox-D).
  • Who is Charles Russell?
  • ...several students... - no need for 'several'.
  • ...and was with Leopold at Oscar Browning's apartment when Maxse locked Browning in his toilet with Prince Albert Victor as a joke. - imo rather too much detail here - did it cause a scandal or have repercussions? Consider removing the sentence altogether if it didn't.
  • It might be worth merging this section with 'Early life' and renaming it as 'Early life and education', as both currently look rather on the small side and there's no obvious reason why his university career warrants its own section - surely, many students at the time made friends, were awarded a degree, had adventures, etc.. What do you think?

Again, thanks, these are excellent improvements. I've implemented them all. I don't currently have access to familysearch.org, but did find a transcription of Vivian's baptism records on FreeReg.org: here. Do you think that's a reliable enough source? It is user-generated, but does seem to be a serious project. The Mirror Cracked (talk) 18:31, 11 October 2019 (UTC)Reply

Not a problem, as far as I can tell. Thanks so far for all your hard work --Ami

Private Secretary to Wilfrid Blunt

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  • Citations needed for the first paragraph and the last part of the second paragraph.
...and this is likely where Vivian first started to explore his own interest in Jacobitism. - says who?
  • During this period… - clarification is required here. The events in this section need to be dated where is is possible.
  • Link Irish Home Rule (Irish Home Rule movement); Jacobitism (Jacobitism), which could alternatively be linked at the end of the sentence.
  • Link Conservative Party (Conservative Party (UK)); Liberal Party Liberal Party (UK)); Ireland.
  • Belloc, Davitt, Shaw-Lefevre (whose first name is not given), Parnell, Dillon, Balfour and Evelyn are all mentioned here, but without there being anything to state who they were, e.g., 'the Anglo-French historian Hilaire Belloc'.
  • Use this for Pilz (reference 9); also, include a page number for this citation.
  • Reference 11 (Longford) requires the tag {{Subscription or libraries}}.

All done. This involved some rewriting and expansion, mostly to correct and clarify the timeline of events. I think its an improvement, but would appreciate your opinion. The Mirror Cracked (talk) 17:23, 12 October 2019 (UTC)Reply

Thanks The Mirror Cracked, it looks a lot better. A couple more points:
  • ...he met many influential politicians… - I would avoid 'many' as being too unspecific.
  • ...a scurrilous magazine created to attack the Vicar of Abinger. It was Vivian himself who described the magazine in this way on p. 46 (not p. 56, as stated): "really scurrilous attacks on the vicar". I think Vivian needs quoting directly here. Amitchell125 (talk) 19:47, 12 October 2019 (UTC)Reply
Excellent, done, and added another reference for the Abinger Monthly Record (which sounds like a rather amazing publication). The Mirror Cracked (talk) 20:46, 12 October 2019 (UTC)Reply

Oscar Wilde

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  • Reference 12 (Ellman) has no page number.
  • It looks like a citation is needed for the last sentence.
  • Reference 13 (Spoo) - add the page number (p. 31): also, the second part of the sentence requires a different citation, as the information there is not mentioned by Spoo.

These are also done. Again, this required some re-writing of this section. The Mirror Cracked (talk) 19:20, 12 October 2019 (UTC)Reply

Newspaper publishing and the Neo-Jacobite Revival

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Members of the Legitimist Club with the statue of Charles I (London, January 1897)

I've uploaded a photograph (right) from The Sketch (1897), when Vivian was president of the Legitimist Club. They are shown posing by Charles I's wreathed statue. I would consider adding it to this section.

  • Ref 25 (Workington) appears only to refer to the first part of the sentence, and not for '...at the height of his fame and notoriety'.
  • Reference 24 (Robins) - not the right reference? Reference 23 works for the whole sentence, I think.
Robins says "After his stint at the Whirlwind Sickert did not write a weekly column again until he contributed to the Speaker..." on page XXX in the Introduction. I think that is strong enough to support the assertion. Thoughts?
Agreed. --Ami
  • 'The Whirlwind' (in the caption) needs to be in italics.
  • Link Cornish (Cornish nationalism).
  • ...the White Rose League. - why is the league in italics?
  • Gladstone was famous but you still need to say who he was and at this time.
I think I'd already done this - he's named as Prime Minister.
My mistake! --Ami
  • In 1894, Vivian published The Green Bay Tree with his college friend and anti-semitic and anti-immigrant writer William Henry Wilkins. - 1. Please remove both antisemitic and reference 42 (Glover), as it is the anti-Jewish illustration in Punch that Glover is referring to, and not Wilkins: (this link appears to show just how sympathetic Wilkins was towards the Jewish poor of the period); 2. Page 281 in reference 43 (Bain) doesn't describe Wilkin as anti-immigrant, and cannot be used to verify that he was. That he may have been can be seen from what he wrote, which could be quoted directly (e.g. from page 2), without him being described directly as anti-immigrant.
Agreed about the "anti-semitic" label, I've taken that out. I'm less sure that "anti-immigrant" is unjustified - it does seem supportable, for example by [1], [2] (page xxxii) and [3]. What do you think of these as sources?
Agreed he was 'anti-immigrant', as opposed to racist (Kushner in Myths of Europe deals with Wilkins' views very well. I think, and I would use this source to verify Wilkins' bias against immigrants, which according to Kushner were class-based, and not based on race). --Ami
  • ...significant contemporary artists… - but who says they were significant or contemporary? I would just call them artists.
  • The League made the most of this conflict and obtained significant covered in the press, though much of it mocked the League. - References 37 (Western), 38 (Leeds) and 39 (Lancs.) can't be used to cite this - the articles might be mocking Vivian and his friends, but they don't verify the information in the sentence. I would quote from the articles to make the point.
  • ...yet another... - this can safely be taken out.

All done, with the exception of the specific questions noted. Particular thanks for finding and uploading the 1897 photograph, which is a very strong addition. The Mirror Cracked (talk) 18:40, 13 October 2019 (UTC)Reply

Writing career

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  • Add urls for Sat. Rev. reference. (47, https://archive.org/details/saturdayreviewof9119unse/page/406, replace current url); Courtney (48, https://archive.org/details/bibliographyofsa00courrich/page/34, replace current url); Lit. Digest (63, https://archive.org/details/literarydigest37newy/page/624, citation needs a page number). All can be given free access tags.
  • The Pall Mall Magazine and The Bystander need to be in italics.
  • Replace url for reference 59 (Review of Reviews) with this (free access).
  • In 1927, he wrote Secret Societies Old and New, which received mixed reviews. This publication should be listed in the 'Works' section as well (WorldCat link here). Please clarify 'mixed reviews' (for instance, by quoting The Spectator: "well-written and extremely readable"; and Albert Mackey "the author does not possess sufficient knowledge for his task").
  • ...and to restore his reputation. - I think more needs to be written to reflect the idea that he lost his reputation, or failed in achieving his aims, which would explain why his reputation needed to be restored by resorting to travel writing. What do you think?
Thanks for this prompt. I believe that his reputation was damaged by The Whirlwind and the League, but I haven't yet found a reliable source that I could cite to support this. For now, I've reduced it to a description of his time with Arthur Pearson as a travel correspondent. I believe this creates a good bridge into this section. I've added a small amount to the previous section, as Vivian and Erskine met at journalism school in the late 1880s.
What there is may well have to suffice, but there might be a source out there that deals with Vivian's damaged reputation. If come across something, I'll let you know. --Ami
  • He spent much of the late 1890s abroad as travel correspondent… - Consider replacing with 'He was the travel correspondent…', as all travel correspondents went abroad in those days, and the dates are given in the latter part of the sentence.
  • Link pseudonyms (Pseudonym#Literature); Charles (presumably Charles I of Austria).
  • It would be useful to include the names of the men who reviewed The Master Sinner as 'unpleasant but clever', etc..
Sadly neither of these reviews has an author, but after finding them to check, I have added URLs and some further details to the references
  • ...the contemporary press. - I'm not sure why 'contemporary' is needed. Also, the last sentence in this paragraph doesn't need to include 'one of the most prominent periodicals of its time', unless this is cited.
  • the Belfast Newsletter - I think its name is The Belfast News Letter.

All done, with a couple of notes above.

Political candidate / Royalist International and fascist sympathies

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  • Who was Hugh George de Willmott Newman?
  • Royalist International - remove the incorrect italics.
  • Small 'm' in 'Monarchy?
  • In 1933, Vivian wrote: - Consider placing this at the end of the previous paragraph, as it is linked to it.
  • 'Dundee Evening Telegraph' needs to be in italics.
  • Consider changing the heading of the sub-section to 'Fascist sympathies and the Royalist International' or just 'Fascist sympathies', as the current title could be misread as 'Royalist sympathies, International sympathies and fascist sympathies'.

All done

Personal life

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  • Reference 100 (The Cambrian) should be moved to the end of the sentence, as it includes the same information that the sentence does.
  • Add a url for reference 102 (Powell) - (this), (registration required).
  • {{xt|Powell notes that their marriage ended in the late 1920s…}} - pages 49-50 (here) that refer to the Vivians and their marriage only says "The Vivian marriage did not last long, but was still going at this period."
  • ...according to John Stuart Mill and Herbert Spencer… - I would remove both links.
  • Who was Frederick Walton?
  • {{xt|Herbert was a noted enthusiast of cock fighting.}} - this stand-alone statement doesn't fit with the rest of the paragraph, and imo gives the impression that the poor man only had one hobby, which was watching a sport banned decades before he was born. I don't think it's necessary to include this one interest.
  • 17 miles - convert to km using {{convert|17|mi|km}}.
  • Is this the right place for the sub-section 'Political views'? Consider placing the whole lot in its own section, below or above 'Royalist International and fascist sympathies'. What do you think?
  • Link One-nation Toryism (One-nation conservatism).
  • The second quote looks neater done like this:

    We have already proclaimed ourselves to be hand in glove with a remote island of yellow dwarfs; this policy will doubtless be extended...for every fetish-worshipping savage, for every murderous nigger, for every naked monster who can offer us assistance in our general conspiracy to obtain universal empire.

    — Editorial by Vivian, quoted to Edward Goulding by Winston Churchill

All done

On hold

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I've finished the assessment - anything else I might comment on would be minor, but l'll check again after the issues are all dealt with. Great work so far. Amitchell125 (talk) 16:57, 15 October 2019 (UTC)Reply

@Amitchell125: I believe these are all done now, but please do check that I've not missed any. It has been a great pleasure working on this with you, and your thorough and erudite comments have greatly improve the article. Best, The Mirror Cracked (talk) 19:49, 15 October 2019 (UTC)Reply

Passing

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It all looks fine now, and I'm passing the article. 

Well done on getting the article up to such great shape, and thanks for making the review of the article a real pleasure. Amitchell125 (talk) 07:27, 16 October 2019 (UTC)Reply

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