Talk:Ieremia Tabai/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Nominator: Thebiguglyalien (talk · contribs) 19:25, 10 August 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: TheNuggeteer (talk · contribs) 11:43, 28 August 2024 (UTC)

Going to review this! 🍗TheNuggeteer🍗 11:43, 28 August 2024 (UTC)

Thanks! Leaving a note here mostly for my own benefit that I'll need to address Talk:Ieremia Tabai#Birthday and full name before this passes. Thebiguglyalien (talk) 05:18, 2 September 2024 (UTC)

@Thebiguglyalien: Hello? 🍗TheNuggeteer🍗 23:22, 21 September 2024 (UTC)

Hello. Thebiguglyalien (talk) 23:40, 21 September 2024 (UTC)

Lead

• Whats 'i-Kiribati'? You should probably change it to 'Kiribati'.
  • This is the demonym for people from Kiribati
• According to MOS:LEADLENGTH (as part of the lead sections requirement) the recommended lead length for this article (3,000 words) is two or three paragraphs. 🍗TheNuggeteer🍗 12:03, 28 August 2024 (UTC)
  • In this case, I feel that the different aspects are better organized in four shorter paragraphs than three longer ones.

Education

• Source 1 does not exactly state frugality.
  • I believe that "frugality" is a reasonable paraphrasing of the source.
• where he had to work through his stutter to give a speech in an oratory club What makes the speech special to make it mentioned in the article?
  • I included it because developing the ability to speak publicly is relevant to his career (in my opinion).
• in particular having a great influence on him A bit suspicious by the 'great' here, maybe 'strong'? 🍗TheNuggeteer🍗 12:03, 28 August 2024 (UTC)
  • I agree, changed.

Other comments

Many of the sources here are inaccessible book sources, AGF'ing them. 🍗TheNuggeteer🍗 12:03, 28 August 2024 (UTC) Reviewing the rest later! 🍗TheNuggeteer🍗 12:03, 28 August 2024 (UTC)

Rollinginhisgrave comments

Hi Thebiguglyalien, as I mentioned, I'll leave comments on this review. It looks very thorough and well-written so I might not have much to contribute, but I will see what I can do. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 11:16, 15 September 2024 (UTC)

Prose and content

• Reminding you of birthday stuff.
  • Done.
• Gloss Norman Kirk, Botaki ni Karikirakean Aroia Taan Makuri (what type of union), Siau Smith
  • Clarified prime minister, general workers union, and "an I-Kiribati woman from Melbourne", respectively. The source had no more info on Smith.
• took a job in the → worked at
  • Done
• he became president of Kiribati add article
  • Done
• He was re-elected as president in 1982. This appears to be some weird wording, given it was the first presidential election, as far as I can tell.
  • Switched to "elected to another term as president". Does that still have the same issue?
• he retained his presidency → the presidency
  • Done
• capitalise Secretary General
  • Done
• where he had to work through his stutter to give a speech in an oratory club This event, without any other information, appears excessively trivial. Contextualise its importance.
  • I believe this has general importance for a politician, but I'll remove it.
• He married a woman from the Ellice Islands, Meleangi Tabai. I doubt you have any information of when this occurred, but it is quite jarring to have this at the end without a time reference.
  • Yeah, that was the best I could do with the little information on her.
• He rose awkward wording
  • Changed to "became"
• government and Ratieta's proposal different conjunction (i.e. particularly)
  • Done.
• He attracted support by using broadcastings of parliamentary debates could you explain what this means?
  • Switched to "through his performances in broadcasts of parliamentary debates". Is that clearer?
• Tabai and three of his allies all ran against Ratieta
  • Done.
• Tabai and three of his allies all ran against Ratieta, preventing Ratieta from qualifying for the four-candidate ballot I think I know what you mean here, but implicit in "ran against Ratieta" is that he is a candidate, and therefore has qualified.
  • Changed to "competed with"
• Accepting that any of them could be chief minister of course any of them could be chief minister, reword to express their values (i.e. should be)
  • Switched to "any of them would make an agreeable chief minister"
• financial support from the United Kingdom to support the country active wording so you can avoid repeating support. (i.e. the UK to financially support)
  • Removed "to financially support"
• the resource making up the majority of its economy past tense if it was depleted.
  • Done.
• Tabai was critical of criticized?
  • Done.
• , as opposed to other nations in the region like Kiribati redundant, this is implied.
  • Removed
• What was Australia and New Zealand's role in these negotiations, apart from being criticised?
  • Added "Tabai believed that Australia and New Zealand would be necessary allies after independence"
• managing the many influential figures add requiring to the front of this
  • Switched to "requiring that he manage" to avoid two -ing words in a row.
• As of 1979, he had two children. Is there a better way to integrate this, i.e. he celebrated with his two children?
  • Switched to "by this time". I don't want it to seem too forced.
• He was faced with the prospect of managing
  • Removed.
• It moved toward a subsistence economy, and it cut funding for public services bit strange for the double it here at the start of the paragraph
  • Changed the first "it" to Kiribati
• than the Pacific leaders who dominated contemporary Pacific leaders?
  • Added "neighbouring"
• meaning that new elections were triggered → triggering
  • Done
• As the president of Kiribati this was a result of him being president? If not, better to substitute as for while to eliminate causality.
  • I believe it was a role for Pacific leaders, but the source doesn't explicitly confirm this, so removed
• of a referendum for a referendum
  • Done
• selected as chancellor add article
  • Done
• failed to apply for reappointment I think this needs a comma after it
  • Done
• Tabai received the highest honour of Kiribati, the Kiribati Grand Order, in 1992.[72] I understand that you're putting this here so it can be next to the Honorary Officer, but breaking the chronology takes more away than it gives.
  • Moved up.
• the government People's Lawyer it is quite confusing what People's Lawyer is and why it's capitalized here
  • Added a link
• unemployment and health add issues to the end of this, and clarify the relation to overpopulation
  • Not sure what this is asking for
    • unemployment and health issues, and then clarify how having smaller families will impact on health issues/policy as it isn't immediately clear.
• win in the next election
  • Removed

Suggestions

• as of the 2024 election → as of 2024.
  • Switched to "his re-election in 2024"
• became leader of the opposition False title
  • Changed
• He instead proposed that they "wait until the next 50 or 100 years before talking about such a subject" → He instead proposed that they wait "50 or 100 years before talking about such a subject"
  • Changed.
• The court ruled that Tong do you know which court this was?
  • Specified the High Court
• neglect from the larger nations this can be edited to be more precise.
  • Specified "larger nations on the Pacific Rim"
• "for service to Australian-Pacific → for "service to Australian-Pacific
  • Done
• alleging that it was a means to punish substitute a means for intended, more natural sounding.
  • Done

Sources

• [10] Y
• [20] N I think he chose Teannaki?
  • Yes! Throughout these articles, I've had to keep reminding myself which was Teannaki and which was Teiwaki.
• [30] Y
• [40] Y
• [50] Y
• [60] clock I wouldn't say that the text describing independent Senators as a "small group" implies they were a coalition.
  • Switched to "alliance"
• [70] Y
• [80] Y

Other

• No issues with neutrality Y
• No OR / COPYVIO Y (22.5% earwig)
• Broad / summary style Y
• Stable Y
• Illustrated Y, understandable that there aren't that many images, what there is, is appropriately tagged.

Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 11:16, 15 September 2024 (UTC)

Wait, did you finish the review? 🍗TheNuggeteer🍗 11:18, 15 September 2024 (UTC)

Yeah, per my comment here. Did you see my comment a bit below that here? Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 11:21, 15 September 2024 (UTC)

Yeah, thanks for finishing this! Is there some way you can have credit? 🍗TheNuggeteer🍗 11:36, 15 September 2024 (UTC)

That's okay, I'm not sure what the point of credit is. Would you mind responding to my comment on that page? Sorry if I'm writing this as you are writing a response there. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 11:49, 15 September 2024 (UTC)

Rollinginhisgrave I've responded to all of your comments. And the point of credit is basically that people judge you if you nominate a lot but haven't done many reviews. Either way, it doesn't hurt anything to have the main reviewer listed as the reviewer. Thebiguglyalien (talk) 01:59, 23 September 2024 (UTC)

Great job with dealing with these issues, I just had a note on the employment and health point. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 03:27, 23 September 2024 (UTC)

Reworded to "He said that the nation should encourage smaller families of just two or three children in 2014 to address the nation's growing population, arguing that it was a necessary measure to prevent unemployment and to better serve women's and children's health". Does that work better? Thebiguglyalien (talk) 04:36, 23 September 2024 (UTC)

Perfect. Passing. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 05:07, 23 September 2024 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.