Talk:Lee Brian Schrager

Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment

This article was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment, between 20 August 2018 and 3 December 2018. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): Fabdoull. Peer reviewers: Germanboi87.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 00:01, 18 January 2022 (UTC)

Steigert

• Your lead section is simple and good to understand. It provides the most important information, but I would also add his birthday and birth place to the lead.
• There is a clear structure and you have different sections laid out nicely.
• You have many good sources.
• Good work so far but you obviously need to write more. I am certain you will do a great job! Germanboi87 (talk) 16:36, 3 October 2018 (UTC)

Marbury

Peer Review

• nice sourcing
• great topic but it could use a little more information
• also what is a pediatric radiologist? Dmarbury94 (talk) 16:44, 1 October 2018 (UTC)
  • yeah i found some interesting sources at the library, hope i will get more info from them. Thank you. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Fabdoull (talk • contribs) 03:38, 3 October 2018 (UTC)

Pickles

Review by LikesPickles -I feel like family can be included in the lead unless more info is added. -perhaps add Schrager's birth date and where he's from in the lead -#3 source is a cookbook. does that prove that he founded the Food Network South Beach and New York city wine and food festivals? -OTHER THAN THAT GREAT ARTCILELikesPickles (talk) 16:53, 1 October 2018 (UTC)

• Raw text--was overwritten by classmate. Dr Aaij (talk) 01:07, 3 October 2018 (UTC)

Peer Review by User:PeterYatesVT

• Well written throughout the article.
• Sources seem to be good and reliable.
• Needs some more information, which I know you will do.
• Maybe get a picture of some sort with the proper licensing.
• Overall doing a great job with this article. PeterYatesVT(talk) 16:55, 1 October 2018 (UTC)
  • Found some more sources at the library where i hope i will get more information. Picture will be hard to get but working on it. Thank you for the review. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Fabdoull (talk • contribs) 16:26, 3 October 2018 (UTC)

Peer Review by User:Kiromei

• Overall, this article seems to be coming along well. Some more information via books would be good to add to your list of sources.
• Of course, adding images would help.
• You can also add a link to the Pediatric Radiology wiki page for Ricardo. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Kiromei (talk • contribs) 17:07, 1 October 2018 (UTC)
  • Working to find a nice picture of the guy. Thank you for mentioning the link to the Pediatic radiology wiki, when i was trying to link the word, i just searched for "Pediatric Radiologist" and forgot to try "Pediatric Radiology". Fixed!! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Fabdoull (talk • contribs) 16:32, 3 October 2018 (UTC)

Peer Review by User:Kelseacumbie

• Article is well written and has good structure
• Article contains appropriate sources
• A picture might make the article a little more appealing. Kelseacumbie (talk) 17:52, 2 October 2018 (UTC)
  • It is going to be difficult but i"m working on getting a picture of him. Thank you for your review. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Fabdoull (talk • contribs) 16:33, 3 October 2018 (UTC)

Meta review

PeterYatesVT, Dmarbury94, it's fine to say "needs more information", but that really means nothing until you say what kind of information is missing. Kiromei, what's there from books that could be added? If you don't know that something there you can't want it to be there--as it happens, this is not the kind of person who would have coverage in books, not until years from now. User:Kelseacumbie, sure--but this is hardly an in-depth review... Dr Aaij (talk) 00:37, 3 October 2018 (UTC)

Review

Your opening sentence heaps too much praise on this company of which he is the Senior VP--but I don't think he founded it, or that it's his achievement. Boss can't take credit for everything. So tone down the phrasing: more neutral is better. His CIA degree doesn't need to be in the lead--remember, the lead summarizes the most notable things from the article, and a CIA degree is not that big a deal.

Combine "Family" and "Career" into one section, "Biography". You really don't have enough right now to have two separate sections, and at any rate we don't usually have "family" sections.

Adjust the phrasing throughout for a more formal tone overall. "He made a bet", for instance, isn't very encyclopedic.

Overall, good work--and right now it is long enough (though not, ahem, good enough) to get on the front page. It will be, with just an hour or two of work. But again, as you know, I think you need to aim higher. Writing biographies, meh--no challenge! Dr Aaij (talk) 00:44, 3 October 2018 (UTC)

• • I changed some things in the article like the beginning of some sentences or had different word choices. Tried to make it sound more neutral. Also removed the "bet" thing. Wanted to mention i found some more articles on the guy on the library's website. Going to check them later and i hope i will get more info and ameliorate my sourcing. It will help me finish it.

I know the article is not interesting and driving but i mean, had to begin with something. Will start another one. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Fabdoull (talk • contribs) 15:51, 3 October 2018 (UTC)