Talk:Merced Assembly Center

This page will be built out by a Spark class focused on Prison Literacy at UC Merced in spring 2022.

Establishment of Merced Assembly Center

Adding a page for section feedback Bobcat2022 (talk) 21:14, 27 April 2022 (UTC)

The language was constructed well and did not seem too biased or objective. The tone remained informal throughout. The information that needed to be cited was cited, and the adding of external links to other wikipedia pages in the work made it easy to access further information on the topics. The only editorial suggestions I have is at the beginning of two of the subheadings, instead of saying “This process” or “The first phase…” say what “that” is or the first phase of what it is. My additional observations would be that the information was presented very well and the organization of the page suited each section. The adding of Dorothea’s images was a very nice choice. Aed36 (talk) 23:25, 28 April 2022 (UTC)

The language in this section seemed to be very neutral, and I saw no sections that had biased diction. The citations seemed solid, and I retained a lot of good information from this section. It was very simple to follow, and the links were easy to reach. I saw no major problems that needed editing. Kdnp33 (talk) 04:42, 2 May 2022 (UTC)

Assembly Center Conditions and Facilities

Adding section for feedback Bobcat2022 (talk) 21:14, 27 April 2022 (UTC)

Security

Instead of stating definitions, it might be better to put it into paragraph form. Divigohe (talk) 07:03, 30 April 2022 (UTC)

"Civilian policeman would be assigned for every two hundred inmates, these poilicemen were authorized to enter any and all buildings and avacuee quarters without needed a warant." - This sentence has a few minor spelling errors that should be fixed Skittlesss101 (talk) 18:22, 2 May 2022 (UTC)

Medical

"Medical facilities included doctor’s offices, hospital wards, a pharmacy, a dental clinic, and a dietician's unit."

Make this sentence more into a sentence by adding the word "the" at the start. Purpleraccoon835 (talk) 19:07, 28 April 2022 (UTC)

"The dental clinic used a homemade dental chair made out of a barber chair."

This is a good piece of information, but should be moved to the end of the section if used at all. Purpleraccoon835 (talk) 19:07, 28 April 2022 (UTC)

I agree, this could be useful information if used in a different section Skittlesss101 (talk) 18:29, 2 May 2022 (UTC)

"The dental clinic used a homemade dental chair made out of a barber chair."

This sentence is hard to read and sounds a little repetitive. Instead it could say The dental clinic used a barber chair as dental examination chair.

"Many physicians were Japanese and severely underpaid."

Using the word severely could be considered biased by some.Divigohe (talk) 06:45, 30 April 2022 (UTC)

"Many would die of sickness or malnutrition in the hospitals, and they would raise a flag half-mast to mourn the deaths."

The second part of the sentence should become its own sentence to explain or change it by taking the "and" away and replacing it with another word to connect the two parts.Skittlesss101 (talk) 18:47, 2 May 2022 (UTC)

Also, do we have any information to be more specific about how "many would die of sickness..."? I think the other section on family life says how many deaths specifically occurred at the Merced Assembly Center. 169.236.78.20 (talk) 18:58, 2 May 2022 (UTC)

Housing and Barracks

The first sentence is too broad. The section could begin with the second sentence. Purpleraccoon835 (talk) 19:17, 28 April 2022 (UTC)

Since the government did not have the resources at the time to house 110,000 internees adequately, they housed them in places like these which were usually racetracks or fairgrounds.

Adding a word like “adequately” helps the idea that even though they were able to house everyone, it wasn’t done in an acceptable way. Purpleraccoon835 (talk) 19:17, 28 April 2022 (UTC)

"In the case of the Merced Assembly Center it was a fairgrounds."

Reword. "They housed them on racetracks or fairgrounds OR they housed them in barracks on racetracks or fairgrounds."Purpleraccoon835 (talk) 19:17, 28 April 2022 (UTC)

"Buildings that were constructed of this material included housing, laundry facilities, and communal restrooms."

It is implied that the buildings were constructed with this material. There is no need to say it was. Could possibly just say: "Buildings in the camp included..." Purpleraccoon835 (talk) 19:17, 28 April 2022 (UTC)

"The Merced Assembly Center was a Civilian Assembly center which meant that it was only a temporary place for the Japanese Americans."

I would suggest double checking the grammar on this sentence.Divigohe (talk) 06:46, 30 April 2022 (UTC)

Sanitation

"All of the care provided was said to meet international law, which is why it wasn’t questioned any further, but the facilities left much to be desired."

This is an opinion. Instead explain why the facilities were inadequate.Cking30 (talk) 21:35, 27 April 2022 (UTC)

"Within the Merced Assembly Center, the conditions weren’t salvageable. The “barracks” that the internees were living in were simple, which meant that they had no plumbing of any kind to cook or use the bathroom. This cramped lifestyle caused many infections and illnesses to be passed around easily, such as smallpox or typhoid fever. There wasn’t enough medical staff to go around, which led for big outbreaks to be uncontrollable and therefore worsen. Another big sanitation issue inside of the camps was food poisoning. The facilities failed to provide a health inspection with the food given, due to their low budget. All of the care provided was said to meet international law, which is why it wasn’t questioned any further, but the facilities left much to be desired."

Needs citations. Cking30 (talk) 22:06, 27 April 2022 (UTC)

"Within the Merced Assembly Center, the conditions weren’t salvageable."

The first sentence is a little too broad for me because it started with “Within the Merced Assembly Center...” It is known that by reading this wiki page that we are discussing the sanitation conditions in this section, so that information is not needed. Purpleraccoon835 (talk) 19:00, 28 April 2022 (UTC)

"The “barracks” that the internees were living in were simple, and which meant that they had no plumbing of any kind to cook or use the bathroom."

Reword sentence. If you need an idea of how to do that, find me! Purpleraccoon835 (talk) 19:00, 28 April 2022 (UTC)

Overall, there are some sentences that could be shorten. Instead of using weren't, wasn't, etc., use were not and was not, for it might be considered more professional.Divigohe (talk) 06:49, 30 April 2022 (UTC)

Food

"In the first weeks of the Merced assembly center, much of the food was prepared by the incarcerated Japanese Americans who did not have much experience in preparing food and was made poorly."

You have to capitalize Assembly and reword the whole sentence. Too much is being said and it would be beneficial to make this sentence two sentences. It is possible to use a semicolon too since the ideas are related. Purpleraccoon835 (talk) 19:22, 28 April 2022 (UTC)

"Many of the Japanese Americans also established gardens in order to provide their own food, these gardens were called "victory gardens"."

It makes more sense simply refer to the Japanese Americans as internees since we already know we are talking about them. Purpleraccoon835 (talk) 19:22, 28 April 2022 (UTC)

I agree. Also, the sentence could be reworded and shortened. Perhaps saying: Many of the internees established what they called "victory gardens" to grow their own produce. Divigohe (talk) 06:52, 30 April 2022 (UTC)

Climate

"The Merced Assembly Center dealt with many horrible conditions but the climate is not talked about enough."

Reword the first sentence. It is known that the Merced Assembly Center is what is being discussed, there is no need to refer to it again. Purpleraccoon835 (talk) 19:26, 28 April 2022 (UTC)

The sentence could be: The Merced Assembly Center dealt with poor climate conditions.

The way that it is currently being stated sounds biased. Divigohe (talk) 06:54, 30 April 2022 (UTC)

"Summers here are hot and dry, winters are cool and wet."

Instead of a comma, use 'and'. "Here" is not needed.Purpleraccoon835 (talk) 19:26, 28 April 2022 (UTC)

Sentence suggestion: The summers are hot and dry, while the winters are cold, rainy, and foggy. Divigohe (talk) 06:55, 30 April 2022 (UTC)

"The camps were built in Central California, and Merced inmates had to cope with the extreme summer heat."

Instead of saying inmates, use internees. We want to keep it consistent throughout the page. Purpleraccoon835 (talk) 19:26, 28 April 2022 (UTC)

I agree!

Sentence suggestion: The Assembly Centers were established in the Central Valley, which meant that the Merced internees had to cope with the extreme summer heat. Divigohe (talk) 06:58, 30 April 2022 (UTC)

"This part of the valley is mainly used for agriculture. Because Central Valley is completely surrounded by mountains there is a high chance of smog in this region." This is great information but I think this sentence could be worded a slightly different, for example don't start the sentence with "because".Skittlesss101 (talk) 18:35, 2 May 2022 (UTC)

It seems like some of the oral histories discussed the heat and extreme weather (short clips on Densho and the oral histories from our special collections)--anyone remember this from the oral history that you selected/watched, and can we pull some quotes? 169.236.78.20 (talk) 19:00, 2 May 2022 (UTC)

Life at the Merced Assembly Center

Adding section for feedback Bobcat2022 (talk) 21:15, 27 April 2022 (UTC)

On recreation: "Life was made more tolerable at the Merced Detention Center through recreation.  The Japanese were able to feel a sense of joy and happiness." This needs to be qualified with a citation--how do we know that this made life more tolerable and joyful? 169.236.78.20 (talk) 18:52, 2 May 2022 (UTC)

Also need to fix citations that point to Analytical Chemistry journal! 169.236.78.20 (talk) 19:12, 2 May 2022 (UTC)

The tone seems slightly biased in the “Government” section. There are many grammatical errors in the “Education / Schooling” section.

Cward03 (talk) 18:24, 28 April 2022 (UTC)

For the government section, I would also suggest "The Merced Assembly Center" chapter and Densho for more detailed information about governance at the assembly center. 169.236.78.20 (talk) 18:50, 2 May 2022 (UTC)

There are some typos in the Education/Schooling section. --PurpleCheesecake (talk) 01:34, 2 May 2022 (UTC)

In the Mercedian Newspaper section, where it says "to be as unbiased and neutral as possible", I think it should be removed because it seems like you are trying to force that your words have to remain in a neutral tone. just let it flow naturally! Sun1777 (talk) 17:12, 2 May 2022 (UTC)

I agree and would add that the Densho page on newspapers in the detention centers has some useful context, as does the "Merced Assembly Center" chapter reading. It seems important to emphasize that they were run by the camp administration and heavily censored. Also information on the dates of publication, who authored the newspapers, and the complexities. 169.236.78.20 (talk) 18:47, 2 May 2022 (UTC)

Closure, Preservation and Remembrance

Adding section for feedback Bobcat2022 (talk) 21:15, 27 April 2022 (UTC)

Section is well written, but is lacking a lot of details. Try utilizing the "The Merced Assembly Center: Injustice Immortalized" documentary for further information. The.mushroom.maiden (talk) 21:51, 1 May 2022 (UTC)

For the closure section, there are images of internees from Merced who were sent ahead to construct Amache, as well as arrivals of Merced internees by train. These would be idea to include. Is there any information about when the last internees arrived and when Merced Assembly Center officially closed? 169.236.78.20 (talk) 19:10, 2 May 2022 (UTC)

California Historical Landmark

"This historical marker was placed in 1982 to honor the history behind the detention camps."

Historical marker is for the assembly centers, so could revise "detention camps" to say "assembly centers" to be more specific. Bobcat2022 (talk) 21:57, 27 April 2022 (UTC)