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Talk:Molly Morgan/GA1

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Latest comment: 5 years ago by Ceranthor in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Latest comment: 5 years ago46 comments2 people in discussion
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Reviewer: Ceranthor (talk · contribs) 20:11, 26 November 2018 (UTC)Reply


I'll take this on for review. ceranthor 20:11, 26 November 2018 (UTC)Reply

Thanks for being willing to review Ceranthor! I have a slightly busy schedule this week but unless the issue list is extremely long, I should be able to get it done by the end of the week; I'll let you know if I can't. I'd be happy to see any improvement suggestions you have for the article!--SkyGazer 512 Oh no, what did I do this time? 03:45, 27 November 2018 (UTC)Reply

Prose

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Lead
  • "She was born as Mary Jones in England" - I'd add something more specific than just the country; just a nitpick though
  • "and William was eventually caught and transported as well." - to the same institution?
  • I have a few more details in the body of the article: William was caught again and this time was deported to Australia; Molly received permission to join him after he arrived.[6] Both of them worked in Sydney, William on labour gangs and Molly in a factory. Do you think that I should explain that better in the lead? I already have " After working together for a while in Australia."--SkyGazer 512 Oh no, what did I do this time? 23:50, 28 November 2018 (UTC)Reply
  • "William left Molly due to her flirting" - bit too vague; maybe be a little more explicit if the source allows? and should probably mention flirting with other men explicitly too
  • "after her husband's house was burnt down and she was accused of the incident in 1803.[b]" - could cut out the verbiage by saying "after she was accused of burning her husband's house down in 1803" or something similar
  • "159 acres" - a {{convert}} would be nice if possible; I see it's used further down
Early life
  • "and became most commonly known as such throughout her life.[4] " - seems like you could cut some words out here without losing any meaning
  • "The couple had two children.[4][6][8]" - names known or no?
  • Ok, I'm back at my house now so I've searched harder and here's what I found. This source specifies that their names were James and Mary, but seems pretty unreliable so I'm not going to use it. I was also able to find this, which says the same thing; it seems to have been created by a research group at a university, but I can't find any information about the publisher. This source doesn't mention their names but has more details about when they were born and such, but I'm a little bit unsure about its reliability.--SkyGazer 512 Oh no, what did I do this time? 22:07, 29 November 2018 (UTC)Reply
Sentencing and convict life
  • "and it was discovered to be hidden at their house." - any indication by whom? (Who found it?)
  • "Molly was committed for trial" - not familiar with this idiom; what does it mean to "commit someone for trial"
  • "Her trial was used as an example of what would happen if other thieves performed a similar action as Morgan, a 'special case.'[7]" - is "special case" a quotation? If so, it should use quotation marks rather than apostrophes
  • "Subsequently, Morgan was sentenced" - subsequently doesn't add much here, and could be cut
  • "164 of them died during the voyage, mostly from starvation and neglect,[6][8] and almost half of the convicts died either on the ship or shortly after arriving at shore.[4] " - just trying to do some accounting here; is the second bit about half of the 164 or the total group?
  • "upon arrival.[3][4] Shortly after arriving at Botany Bay in Sydney, New South Wales, on 28 June 1790," - nitpick, but you repeat "arrive" in some form in very close proximity here
  • "A total of 136 females, of which 6 died while on the ship, and 2 males" - lots of separation here before you reach the verb... maybe reword the sentence?
  • Ticket of leave is not linked at its first mention
Life in Australia
  • "Morgan established a settlement in the land she was given at Wallis Plains and was successful with farming the land in the area" -was successful with farming... why not "became a successful farmer"?
  • "Morgan was unofficially given the title "Queen of the Hunter Valley"[3], or "Queen of the Hunter River."[4]" - any idea where this originated?
  • "She also looked after an orphan and a blind man sometime in her life, according to the census of 1828.[9]" - not sure how much this adds, since it seems pretty fragmentary and therefore crufty
Later life and death
  • "which was the largest published obituary at the time,[9]" - ever? or in the area?

References and Notes

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  • The Australian Dictionary of Biography seems fine, but what makes [1] a reliable author/expert on the matter? What are her credentials?
  • Little skeptical of the A-Z of Curious Shropshire book in terms of reliability.
  • Hmm; I've thought about that, actually. What precisely makes you skeptical of its suitability? Do you think the issue is with the author? The publisher? I haven't looked very closely at the author, but it seems to have a decent publisher and most of the information supported by the source is supported by other sources except for a few cases where it just ties up loose ends. I personally would think it would be good enough for a GA, but I'll try to see if I can do something else if you don't think it is.--SkyGazer 512 Oh no, what did I do this time? 00:10, 29 November 2018 (UTC)Reply
  • ""AMAZING STORY OF MOLLY MORGAN. Early Hunter Pioneer". The Cessnock Eagle and South Maitland Recorder. 1 October 1948. p. 5. Retrieved 14 November 2018." - the title shouldn't be captalized, for consistency
  • In note a, Maitland Mercury should be italicized

Images

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  • Not an issue, thankfully! :)

Looks to be in good shape. Once these are addressed, I will run through once more and post spotchecks/any additional prose comments. ceranthor 18:18, 28 November 2018 (UTC)Reply

Thanks for the comments, Ceranthor; super helpful! I believe I've responded to all of the issues in some form now; I've done the majority of them but there are a few for which I have queries for you or can't do.--SkyGazer 512 Oh no, what did I do this time? 00:13, 29 November 2018 (UTC)Reply
@SkyGazer 512: I'm happy with the progress. Let me check refs once more and then I think I can pass this tomorrow. ceranthor 01:00, 30 November 2018 (UTC)Reply
Done the edit regarding the "known as Molly" thing; I have left you a question about the best way to tweak the wording of "discovered to be hidden at their house." I also still have a question about the flirting thing. Thanks for your suggestions to improve the article and for providing such a good review; it's much appreciated.--SkyGazer 512 Oh no, what did I do this time? 01:28, 30 November 2018 (UTC)Reply
@SkyGazer 512: Passing this - let me know if I missed any of your replies. ceranthor 00:56, 2 December 2018 (UTC)Reply
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