Talk:Premier Health Miami Valley Hospital South

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Miami Valley Hospital South/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Cwmhiraeth (talk · contribs) 19:28, 20 June 2013 (UTC)

I propose to take on this review and will be looking in detail at the article shortly. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 19:28, 20 June 2013 (UTC)

First reading

• In the infobox, it would be better to have a properly formatted reference for the hospital's website as in this article
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
• "... a full service hospital with a physician office building ..." - I'm from the UK and am ignorant of US hospitals. What is a "physician office building"?
  • Reworded. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
• "... features a number of specialty care options including an oncology center, cardiology, sports medicine, and maternity care to cater to the suburban community surrounding the hospital." - If you say "oncology center" you need to use a similar structure for the other care options (department, facility, center or whatever).
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
• The first sentence in the History section is too long and needs to be split up.
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
• The first sentence in the second paragraph of the History section is also too long.
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
• "... consumer demand for care in a single facility and without transferring to other hospitals." - Maybe "... without the need to transfer to other hospitals."
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
• The sentence starting "In late 2010, to add..." does not have a verb.
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
• "A $20,000,000 comprehensive cancer care center was also added along with a physician office building was added as well." and this sentence has too many!
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
• "It saw admittance to its emergency room ..." - To what does "It" refer here?
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
• The word "facility" is overused in the last paragraph of the History section.
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)

• I'll stop there for now and will look at the rest of the article tomorrow. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 20:01, 20 June 2013 (UTC)

• The first paragraph of the Services section uses the word "services" too often, three times in the first sentence for example. Can you replace some of them?
  • Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
• It is also rather jargon-laden. What does "a full-service food facility" mean?
  • Reworked. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
• "When it opened, Miami Valley Hospital specialty services for ovarian cancer and uterine cancer were moved to Miami Valley Hospital South." - this is somewhat ambiguous,and "it" could be taken to refer to Miami Valley Hospital rather than the new hospital. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 17:55, 21 June 2013 (UTC)
  • Fixed. I think that's everything. Thanks for your review! —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
    • That reads better! It would be nice to have an image of the hospital. Can you find anything? Cwmhiraeth (talk) 12:54, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
      • Nothing with copyright requirements that could get it to upload, but the next time I'm near the hospital I plan to snap a photo. —Ed!^(talk) 13:08, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
        • Would you prefer me to bring this review to a conclusion in this WikiCup round or the next? Cwmhiraeth (talk) 13:34, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
          • This one is fine. Appreciate you asking, though. —Ed!^(talk) 14:39, 22 June 2013 (UTC)

GA Criteria

• 1a The article is well written.
• 1b The article conforms with the MOS guidelines for layout, lead, section headings etc.
• 2a&b The article is well referenced and has inline citations for all contentious statements.
• 2c There is no original research as far as I can see.
• 3a&b The coverage is broad enough and the article does not include irrelevant material.
• 4 The article is neutral.
• 5 The article has been much expanded in the last week by the nominator and nobody else has edited it recently.
• 6 & 7 There are no images at the moment. The nominator hopes to add one soon but article is acceptable without any.

• Overall assessment - Pass.

External links modified

Hello fellow Wikipedians,

I have just modified 3 external links on Miami Valley Hospital South. Please take a moment to review my edit. If you have any questions, or need the bot to ignore the links, or the page altogether, please visit this simple FaQ for additional information. I made the following changes:

• Added archive https://web.archive.org/web/20130615002629/http://www.miamivalleyhospital.org/mvshome.aspx to http://www.miamivalleyhospital.org/mvshome.aspx
• Added archive https://web.archive.org/web/20130615002629/http://www.miamivalleyhospital.org/mvshome.aspx to http://www.miamivalleyhospital.org/mvshome.aspx
• Added archive https://web.archive.org/web/20110726020813/http://www.miamivalleyhospital.org/mvshome.aspx?id=22346%2F to http://www.miamivalleyhospital.org/mvshome.aspx?id=22346%2F

When you have finished reviewing my changes, you may follow the instructions on the template below to fix any issues with the URLs.

This message was posted before February 2018. After February 2018, "External links modified" talk page sections are no longer generated or monitored by InternetArchiveBot. No special action is required regarding these talk page notices, other than regular verification using the archive tool instructions below. Editors have permission to delete these "External links modified" talk page sections if they want to de-clutter talk pages, but see the RfC before doing mass systematic removals. This message is updated dynamically through the template {{source check}} (last update: 5 June 2024).

• If you have discovered URLs which were erroneously considered dead by the bot, you can report them with this tool.
• If you found an error with any archives or the URLs themselves, you can fix them with this tool.

Cheers.—InternetArchiveBot (Report bug) 11:29, 9 June 2017 (UTC)

External links modified (January 2018)

Hello fellow Wikipedians,

I have just modified one external link on Miami Valley Hospital South. Please take a moment to review my edit. If you have any questions, or need the bot to ignore the links, or the page altogether, please visit this simple FaQ for additional information. I made the following changes:

• Added archive https://web.archive.org/web/20110726020813/http://www.miamivalleyhospital.org/mvshome.aspx?id=22346%2F to http://www.miamivalleyhospital.org/mvshome.aspx?id=22346%2F

When you have finished reviewing my changes, you may follow the instructions on the template below to fix any issues with the URLs.

This message was posted before February 2018. After February 2018, "External links modified" talk page sections are no longer generated or monitored by InternetArchiveBot. No special action is required regarding these talk page notices, other than regular verification using the archive tool instructions below. Editors have permission to delete these "External links modified" talk page sections if they want to de-clutter talk pages, but see the RfC before doing mass systematic removals. This message is updated dynamically through the template {{source check}} (last update: 5 June 2024).

• If you have discovered URLs which were erroneously considered dead by the bot, you can report them with this tool.
• If you found an error with any archives or the URLs themselves, you can fix them with this tool.

Cheers.—InternetArchiveBot (Report bug) 07:51, 27 January 2018 (UTC)