Talk:Soedjatmoko

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Soedjatmoko/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Ealdgyth (talk · contribs) 01:58, 14 May 2012 (UTC)

I'll be reviewing this article shortly. Ealdgyth - Talk 01:58, 14 May 2012 (UTC)

• Thanks!  — Crisco 1492 (talk) 02:00, 14 May 2012 (UTC)

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

   Just a few spots of prose awkwardness

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

• Early life: "and read Western history and political literature" ... suggest "and studied Western history and political literature" - "read" in this form is a bit stilted.
• Early life: "which led to his interest in socialism"... a bit awkward - suggest "which led to an interest in socialism".
• Early life: "In 1946 he and two friends established a Dutch-language weekly, Het Inzicht (Inside), as a counter to the Dutch-sponsored Het Uίtzicht (Outlook); this was requested by Prime Minister Sjahrir." the last phrase feels tacked on.. suggest rewording to "In 1946, at the request of Prime Minister Sjahrir, he and two friends established a Dutch-language weekly, Het Inzicht (Inside) as a counter to the Dutch-sponsored Het Uίtzicht (Outlook)."
• Work in the US: "The delegation left to the United States via the Philippines after a two month stay in Singapore." very awkward - suggest "The delegation traveled to the United States via the Philippines after a two month stay in Singapore."
• Return: "To avoid trouble with the government, Soedjatmoko voluntarily left himself unemployed. In 1965 he was co-editor of An Introduction to Indonesian Historiography." The connection between the two sentences is very abrupt - suggest "To avoid trouble with the government, Soedjatmoko voluntarily remained unemployed until 1965 he when he became co-editor of An Introduction to Indonesian Historiography."
• Ambassadorship: "In 1974, based on falsified documents, he was accused of planning the Malari incident of January 1974, in which students protested and eventually rioted during a state visit by Prime Minister of Japan Kakuei Tanaka, and held for interrogation for two and a half weeks; he was also unable to leave Indonesia for two and a half years." Entirely too long and convoluted. Needs breaking up into at least two sentences, perhaps three...
• Later life: "At the university, Soedjatmoko served as rector until 1987." Oddly phrased - suggest "He remained rector until 1987."

I've put the article on hold for seven days to allow folks to address the issues I've brought up. Feel free to contact me on my talk page, or here with any concerns, and let me know one of those places when the issues have been addressed. If I may suggest that you strike out, check mark, or otherwise mark the items I've detailed, that will make it possible for me to see what's been addressed, and you can keep track of what's been done and what still needs to be worked on. Ealdgyth - Talk 02:16, 14 May 2012 (UTC)

• I think I've gotten everything.  — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:16, 14 May 2012 (UTC)

LOoks good, passing now. Ealdgyth - Talk 12:09, 14 May 2012 (UTC)

• Thanks for the review!  — Crisco 1492 (talk) 12:21, 14 May 2012 (UTC)