Talk:Wim Umboh/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 19:44, 20 June 2012 (UTC)

I'll review this article shortly. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 19:44, 20 June 2012 (UTC)

Here are the issues I found:

• Be consistent on whether sentences starting with "In (year)" have a comma after the year. They should, and I see a few that don't, and phrases like "By August 1980 Umboh" need a comma after the year too.

• I've removed the commas, as they shouldn't be used in British English.

• Going off of that, there are a few more sentences that start like that than I would like. It's unavoidable, but it can be limited.

• I've trimmed the number

• "Umboh's 1972 film Mama was the first shot in 70 mm film and stereo sound." first film anywhere or just in Indonesia?

• Added "local production"

• "when Teguh Karya's Ibunda (Mother) took away 9 Citras" nine

• Done.

• "divorcée 17 years his younger," 17 years his junior sounds a bit better, and is the term used more often for this situation. Same for "descent 28 years his younger."

• Done and done

• There are a few instances where there are a slew of sentences that can be combined, usually with one of the two being quite short; an example is "That same year, he married R.O. Unarsih; the couple had a daughter, Maria Umboh, the following year.[5] In 1957 they divorced.[6]" which can easily be one full statement. The prose as a whole is decent, but it can certainly be fine tuned.

• I've given it a once over. How's this?

I'll put the article on hold and will pass it when the issues are fixed. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 20:56, 22 June 2012 (UTC)

• Thanks for the review! — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:20, 22 June 2012 (UTC)

• Looks good. I see no further issues, so I'll pass the article as a GA. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 02:46, 23 June 2012 (UTC)