Template:Did you know nominations/Concussions in American football

The following discussion is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: rejected by — Crisco 1492 (talk) 01:48, 4 August 2012 (UTC)
Withdrawn

Concussions in American football

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... that eight NFL players have died, with five of them being suicides (most recently being Junior Seau in 2012) due in part to concussions having affected their playing careers and later life?

Created/expanded by ZappaOMati (talk). Self nom at 03:36, 9 June 2012 (UTC)

The date for the new article criteria is going to pass after today, and I nominated this page for the new article reason. Zappa O Mati 19:33, 12 June 2012 (UTC)

Looks like it passed. Zappa O Mati 15:24, 13 June 2012 (UTC)

The newness factor is for nominating, not reviewing. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 15:06, 20 June 2012 (UTC)

Oh. Zappa O Mati 18:45, 20 June 2012 (UTC)

Junior Seau doesn't belong in this hook, at least not worded this way. He was not known to have suffered many concussions while playing and the results of his brain examinations are not in yet, therefore it cannot be said that PCS was a factor in his death. The article, in fact, doesn't say this, and the hook shouldn't, either. Daniel Case (talk) 16:56, 23 June 2012 (UTC)

Until I fix this, I came up with 2 alternates (one without Seau's mention and the other without him altogether):

ALT1: ... that eight NFL players have died (with five of them being suicides) due in part to concussions having affected their playing careers and later life?
ALT2: ... that seven NFL players have died (with four of them being suicides) due in part to concussions having affected their playing careers and later life? Zappa O Mati 22:08, 23 June 2012 (UTC)

Still not really sure about this. From what I have read, the link between football-induced CTE and suicide isn't conclusively established, especially since there are so many other risk factors, and the article seems adroitly to avoid saying this. The hook shouldn't either. Daniel Case (talk) 00:59, 3 July 2012 (UTC)

How about I remove the player suicide hook altogether and go with these?:Zappa O Mati 15:36, 3 July 2012 (UTC)

ALT3: ... that Hines Ward claimed that the use of the Head Impact Telemetry System would be "opening a Pandora's Box"?
ALT4: ... that 2,138 NFL players and their lawyers have planned to file one lawsuit against the league for failing to protect them from concussions?

ALT4 is the best; I've already verified that source and it tells the reader what the article is about. ALT3 is too oblique. Daniel Case (talk) 04:31, 7 July 2012 (UTC)

I'm concerned that some of the phrasing in this article may be too close to that of its sources. Compare for example "the league announced it will be partnering with Tator in a study that would perform post-mortem tests on former CFL players to look for signs of CTE, similar to a Boston University research that found the disease in dozens of former football and hockey players" with "league also announced it was partnering with Tator in a study that would perform post-mortem tests on former CFL players to look for signs of CTE, similar to groundbreaking Boston University research that has found the disease in dozens of former football and hockey players". Nikkimaria (talk) 04:17, 8 July 2012 (UTC)

I slightly tweaked the paragraph. Zappa O Mati 17:40, 10 July 2012 (UTC)

Okay, but it's still quite close, and that was only an example - needs a more thorough comb-through. Nikkimaria (talk) 20:33, 12 July 2012 (UTC)

This time around, I tweaked the article a little more. Zappa O Mati 03:01, 17 July 2012 (UTC)

Compare "A study conducted by the National Football League consisting of more than 2,500 retired NFL players found that those who had at least three concussions during their careers tripled the risk of depression" with "A study of more than 2,500 retired NFL players found that those who had at least three concussions during their careers had triple the risk of clinical depression". A thorough check is still needed here. Nikkimaria (talk) 14:37, 26 July 2012 (UTC)

I'll have to be honest here, been over a month since I nom'd this. I'll have to withdraw my nomination. Zappa O Mati 16:17, 31 July 2012 (UTC)