Template:Did you know nominations/Death of Wishma Sandamali
- The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.
The result was: promoted by Theleekycauldron (talk) 11:01, 10 July 2022 (UTC)
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Death of Wishma Sandamali
- ... that in 2021 Wishma Sandamali, who was detained for overstaying her visa after seeking police protection for domestic abuse, became the 17th to die in Japanese immigration detention since 2007? Source: Asahi Shimbun, Kyodo
Created by Nardog (talk). Self-nominated at 12:25, 27 June 2022 (UTC).
New enough and long enough. Well cited. I checked a few English and Japanese sources, and I didn't find any copyright issues. I think the article is reasonably neutral, though I'll make some suggestions on the talk page about structure. The article doesn't depict the detention center in a very positive light, but neither do the facts according to the official government and media reports so there's not much that can be done. The official report is given prominent coverage and presented alongside criticism of it, and the timeline has multiple sources supporting it. With all that in mind, I don't have serious neutrality concerns. I do think the hook can be improved, partly for neutrality but mostly for readability and interest. I think the original hook can be condensed:
- Alt 1 * ... that after the death of Wishma Sandamali in 2021, 17 people have died in Japanese immigration detention in the last 16 years?
- One worry I have is that both state a fact that treats the article subject (a woman's death) as a statistic rather than as a historical event in its own right. Having read through the article, I actually think there are some really interesting facts worth pointing out that highlight the event as being worth the reader's time. One idea is:
- Alt 2 * ... that the National Diet withdrew an immigration bill after protests over the death of Wishma Sandamali in a Japanese immigration detention facility?
- — Wug·a·po·des 03:19, 29 June 2022 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review! Alt 1 is a garden-path sentence to me. It reads like 17 people have died in the past year or so until you reach the end. I think the same could be achieved better by simply removing the relative clause from my hook, but I wanted to include the background, which renders her fate particularly devastating.
- I wouldn't mention the bill as I'm not sure how much of a factor her death was to the withdrawal, and AFAICT the government hasn't given up on the revision (also it was withdrawn from the Diet, by the ruling coalition). What I find significant about her death isn't what changed because of it but what hasn't despite it. Nardog (talk) 05:59, 29 June 2022 (UTC)