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Template:Did you know nominations/Mary Alice Powell Lindsay

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The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by — Maile (talk) 21:58, 7 June 2016 (UTC)

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Mary Alice Powell Lindsay

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Created by Amgisseman(BYU) (talk). Self-nominated at 22:02, 20 May 2016 (UTC).

  • Date, length and QPQ all check out. Hook fact is supported, I've duplicated the reference for this were it is first mentioned in the article lede. No copyvio issues that I can find. GTG - Basement12 (T.C) 18:18, 22 May 2016 (UTC)

I pulled this from prep for too close paraphrasing to source. It would also seem to be not correct, according to the source. It doesn't say she was the first registered nurse (of either gender). What it says is "Mary was the first woman in Utah to become a Registered Nurse." Either way, there needs to be a hook that doesn't rely so closely on the wording of the source. — Maile (talk) 15:00, 23 May 2016 (UTC)

@Maile66: The source supporting the fact is in fact source 2, my fault I copied the wrong one to the lede, this confirms she was the first nurse woman/man/goldfish or otherwise in Utah. As for the wording a "registered nurse" is what it so you can't really change that wording, and Utah and her aren't changing their names anytime soon. That leaves only "the first" to work with so I do wonder what you think the options here are? In actual fact the wording in the relevant source(s) is "Mary became the first registered nurse in the state" or "Mary was the first woman in Utah to become a Registered Nurse" so I don't see a problem here at all - Basement12 (T.C) 15:12, 23 May 2016 (UTC).
Well, I could suggest there using a hook that doesn't hang on the singular feat of the "first" in anything. As has often been mentioned at WT:TALK, DYK has been overloaded with hooks that are about the "first" woman who did whatever. My argument to that, is that whatever that woman did to become first of something, she didn't live the rest of her life with no other accomplishment. And again, because I pulled this, there really needs to be an uninvolved party reviewing a new hook. — Maile (talk) 15:19, 23 May 2016 (UTC)
Icon added to reflect the fact that there is no hook available for review; new ALT hook needed so review can proceed. BlueMoonset (talk) 19:09, 29 May 2016 (UTC)
  • ALT1: ... that although Mary Alice Powell Lindsay fainted three times while watching her first operation, she became a registered nurse in Utah and was later Assistant Superintendent at the Nurses L.D.S. Hospital? Amgisseman(BYU) (talk) 19:07, 31 May 2016 (UTC)
  • Amgisseman(BYU), thank you. Unfortunately, this hook is 203 characters, which is three over the maximum. Can you please shorten it a bit as ALT2? BlueMoonset (talk) 21:15, 31 May 2016 (UTC)
  • ALT2: ... that Mary Alice Powell Lindsay fainted three times while watching her first operation, but she became a registered nurse in Utah and was later assistant superintendent at the nurses LDS Hospital?
BlueMoonset hopefully ALT2 is alright now. Thanks! Amgisseman(BYU) (talk) 21:19, 31 May 2016 (UTC)
  • Yes, Amgisseman(BYU), ALT2 is 198 characters and meets the length guidelines. Thanks for the quick response. BlueMoonset (talk) 22:08, 31 May 2016 (UTC)
  • Reviewer needed to check ALT2 hook. BlueMoonset (talk) 22:08, 31 May 2016 (UTC)
    I've gone through the article and have done some tweaking. I've also changed the capitalization to match the cited Ensign article. My concern is with the part "assistant superintendent at the nurses LDS Hospital". Is nurses possessive (or is it actually Nurses)? Do they own part of the hospital or have a division of the hospital? Or is she an assistant superintendent for nurses at this hospital? FallingGravity (talk) 07:32, 5 June 2016 (UTC)
  • ALT 3: ... that Mary Alice Powell Lindsay fainted three times while watching her first operation, but she became a registered nurse in Utah and was later assistant superintendent of nurses at the LDS Hospital?
FallingGravity I revised the wording of the hook slightly. After further research, I changed the wording in the article as well to be more accurate. Thanks. Amgisseman(BYU) (talk) 19:05, 6 June 2016 (UTC)
New hook addresses my previous concerns and is barely under the 200 character limit (198). FallingGravity (talk) 20:14, 6 June 2016 (UTC)

Pulled from prep for copyvio/too close paraphrasing:

  • Source fainted three times while observing her first operation
  • Hook fainted three times while watching her first operation

With the exception of one changed word, part of the hook is almost verbatim from the source. — Maile (talk) 21:21, 7 June 2016 (UTC)

— Maile Does ALT 4 address the problem? Amgisseman(BYU) (talk) 21:33, 7 June 2016 (UTC)
Thank you for quick action. I've put the hook back in prep. — Maile (talk) 21:58, 7 June 2016 (UTC)
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