Template:Did you know nominations/Mick Brennan (alpine skier)
- The following discussion is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.
The result was: promoted by Allen3 talk 19:58, 14 March 2014 (UTC)
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Mick Brennan (alpine skier)
edit... that Mick Brennan pulled out of the 2014 Winter Olympic downhill skiing, calling the track "scary"?
- Comment: one for the Paralympics please, review before end
Created by FruitMonkey (talk). Nominated by Matty.007 (talk) at 17:49, 8 March 2014 (UTC).
Nice hook. Date, length and hook source verified. No issues with referencing, neutrality or plagiarism. QPQ needed before approval. 97198 (talk) 12:38, 9 March 2014 (UTC)
- I've removed this not only because Mick Brennan is in the Paralympics, not the Olympics, but the article itself claims that Brennan withdrew from the Paralympics altogether in the intro. In fact, he came in 10th in the Super G over the weekend, so he is competing. The article needs fixing and a going-over for accuracy—there's another use of Olympics that's suspect. While it's in the source, the context is clearly the Beijing Paralympics, so I'd be very cautious in using Olympics there. BlueMoonset (talk) 15:59, 10 March 2014 (UTC)
- Very good spots BlueMoon, I haven't changed the hook above, but I have now edited the lead in the article, must have been crossed wires as Brennan only pulled out of one of five events. I changed the Olympics to Paralympics (that was my goof), and I've added a cite and information on his 10th place in the Super-G. Hope that sorts the issues out. Regards FruitMonkey (talk) 16:23, 10 March 2014 (UTC)
- FruitMonkey, thanks for addressing those issues. I think the article is fine now, though you might want to reconsider (or recast) the "It was due to be his debut Paralympics." sentence, since it has been his debut. The BBC source for that sentence does indicate that he has Slalom on March 13 and Giant Slalom on March 15; should we try to save this until one of those days?
- The problem is the hook: I've struck it, and we'll need to wait for Matty.007 to suggest an ALT hook, unless you have an idea you'd like to propose. Since the guy has competed, it might be nice, if the "scary" quote is to be retained, to note that he subsequently came in tenth in Super G. BlueMoonset (talk) 19:56, 10 March 2014 (UTC)
- Alt 1:
... that Mick Brennan pulled out of the 2014 Winter Paralympics downhill skiing, calling the track "scary"?Matty.007 18:39, 11 March 2014 (UTC)
- Alt 1:
- I still think Mick deserves a more positive hook. How about:
- ALT2: ... that 2014 Winter Paralympics skier Mick Brennan placed 10th in the Super G, but withdrew from the downhill race, calling the course "scary"?
- I don't believe that "track" is the right word; I've used "course" rather than "slope" because I think it's more accurate when talking about a race (and is the word used in the source). —BlueMoonset (talk) 05:17, 12 March 2014 (UTC)
- We can easily delink the "2014 Winter Paralympics" text; I've just done it. The problem with just saying "that Paralympics skier" is that you lose the 2014 context (that it's happening now), which I think is necessary. Skier is also needed, to make the sport clear. BlueMoonset (talk) 06:55, 12 March 2014 (UTC)
- I like BlueMoon's Alt, because as he says it places Mick in a more positive light. I think he deserves that. FruitMonkey (talk) 07:57, 12 March 2014 (UTC)
- We can easily delink the "2014 Winter Paralympics" text; I've just done it. The problem with just saying "that Paralympics skier" is that you lose the 2014 context (that it's happening now), which I think is necessary. Skier is also needed, to make the sport clear. BlueMoonset (talk) 06:55, 12 March 2014 (UTC)
New reviewer needed to check the ALT hooks (I can't because one of them is mine) and related article updates. Note the special date request of March 13 or 15 as the last two days Brennan is racing. BlueMoonset (talk) 01:33, 13 March 2014 (UTC)
- Correct me if I'm wrong, but the first two sentences of the second paragraph of the second section aren't supported by their sources. This needs a stringent check for accuracy, especially as a BLP. --Jakob (talk) 00:58, 14 March 2014 (UTC)
- I disagree, the entire paragraph is taken from the BBC interview "Mick Brennan targets selection in mono-ski competition" which is cite 2. The article states: Two years ago, he was forced to take a year out of the sport for mental health reasons. "I lost my marriage to it," says Brennan. "I've got anger problems, which is [because of] the frontal lobe damage [sustained in the bomb attack]. I landed on the back left part of my brain, [which deals with] all your memory and your cognitive problems. "The anger management is the big problem. People can't see what's going off in my brain, and I go from zero to 100 very quickly, so it makes it hard for people to be around me." I'll link the sentences explicitly if that helps? FruitMonkey (talk) 09:16, 14 March 2014 (UTC)
- @FruitMonkey: I think Jakob was referring to the second paragraph of the Sports career section, not the Personal history section. The first sentence, talking about the 2011 championships, is not mentioned in the cited third source (Elite Squad page), which instead talks about the 2013 championships and a bronze medal (surely worth mentioning) in the 2013 World Cup. You'll need to find a different source that actually talks about the 2011 finishes. The second sentence, cited to the same source, is really from the fourth source—and in my opinion this sentence and the next one (correctly cited to FN4) are too closely paraphrased in the article, and need to be revised. BlueMoonset (talk) 13:33, 14 March 2014 (UTC)