Template talk:Did you know/South Africa Conciliation Committee

Latest comment: 13 years ago by Crisco 1492

South Africa Conciliation Committee

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The following discussion is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted

 

Created by Fayenatic london (talk). Self nom at 12:07, 25 July 2011 (UTC)Reply

Please add a comment and signature (or just a signature if endorsing) after each aspect you have reviewed:

Hook

Article

Comments/discussion: Hook is only just hooky enough. Emily Hobhouse, as far as I can tell, contains the makings of appalling facts about the British concentration camps. Just a suggestion. The article has great potential for expansion. Tony (talk) 08:20, 28 July 2011 (UTC)Reply

I tried making up a hook that mentioned the British concentration camps, but I thought the result was too long.
ALT1: ... that Emily Hobhouse (pictured) publicised the suffering of Boer women in British concentration camps during the Second Boer War, having learnt of this through her work for the South Africa Conciliation Committee?
Just over 200 characters including spaces. - Fayenatic (talk) 13:15, 28 July 2011 (UTC)Reply
ALT2: ... that Emily Hobhouse (pictured) publicised the suffering of Boer women in British concentration camps during the Second Boer War after working for the South Africa Conciliation Committee?
This is shorter. Any takers? Crisco 1492 (talk) 01:36, 2 August 2011 (UTC)Reply
ALT2 has a rather weak, merely implied, connection between the hooky part and the new article. - Fayenatic (talk) 13:18, 2 August 2011 (UTC)Reply
ALT3: ... that Emily Hobhouse (pictured) learned about the suffering of Boer women in British concentration camps during the Second Boer War while working for the South Africa Conciliation Committee?
Better? Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:26, 2 August 2011 (UTC)Reply
With respect, I don't think it's better, because many readers won't know who Hobhouse was, or that she did a great deal about it.
ALT4: ... that from her work for the South Africa Conciliation Committee, Emily Hobhouse (pictured) went on to publicise the suffering of Boer women in British concentration camps during the Second Boer War?
15 characters shorter than ALT1; how's that? - Fayenatic (talk) 18:09, 3 August 2011 (UTC)Reply
ALT4 looks okay. Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:29, 3 August 2011 (UTC)Reply