User talk:Jlsnow/sandbox

Tomb of Brasidas Peer Review

Overall I think the information you included in this article is very relevant but I have a couple of comments on how to maybe change a couple of things!

First of all, I like the historical background included in the introduction. Maybe you could add a little more details when it comes to who Brasidas was. I'm sure you know the answer to this since you did the research, but sometimes you add in things that the reader does not know what they are; for example: who is Amphipolis, what is a cenotaph, and what is an ossuary. You could bulk up your article by describing these and you can even try to link it to other wiki pages!

In terms of grammar- the sentences are a little choppy and the first sentence in your body does not really make sense. Then on the structure you can delineate the headings a little more by making the font bigger and in bold. Maybe try to add in one more section of information as well. Also, I see you have a link for the picture, but is there anyway you can incorporate the picture into your page? For your references you can actually add them as references when you edit your sandbox and then on top of that don't forget to add in your citations throughout your information! Maybe try to add a journal in there somewhere to diversify your references a little more.

I think you did a really good job of showing how this article relates to our theme of death and my favorite part was your mention of monumentalization because that really tied it into one of the major themes of our class!

Sunni's Comment

Hi Josie, I think that you have a good start to your article. I think that there is more information you can find on Brasidas and his influence at Amphipolis, but the information you do have about him works well in your article. You should explain more what an ossuary is, and possibly compare it to another one if you need more paragraphs. Please try and define your paragraphs with topic titles. I think the history you've included is good for the context of the tomb, but if there is more information about the actual tomb itself that would be important to add in too. Keep working, you're doing good! Sunniobrien (talk) 19:58, 14 November 2017 (UTC)Sunni O'Brien

Comments from Prof. Paga

Hi Josie - this is a good start! You already have some helpful comments from your peer-reviewer and from Sunni, but here are a few of my own suggestions as well.

• Consider adding a map that shows where Amphipolis is located.
  
• Create hyperlinks to other Wikipedia articles (like the page for Brasidas).
  
• Give your article a title -- try to make it something clear and easily searchable. This is how people in the future will find your Wikipedia page.
  
• Proofread carefully -- Spartans is always capitalized, as is Peloponnesian War.
  
• It's very important to integrate your citations (similar to footnotes) - you cannot just list sources at the bottom of the page. It would also be a good idea to find more academic resources, rather than citing other Wikipedia pages. Check in our textbook Neer, as well as in the books on reserve at the library.
  
• Adding more description of the tomb / cenotaph / ossuary will be helpful and add more details to your article.
  

Jpaga (talk) 16:07, 28 November 2017 (UTC)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Sunniobrien/sandbox — Preceding unsigned comment added by Jlsnow (talk • contribs) 02:14, 4 December 2017 (UTC)