User talk:Marsh32/sandbox

Apt551_Marsh32_P3PR

Major Points

This article does a good job of focusing on one subject. The introductory paragraph does a good job of explaining what bird fall out is because it is concise, to the point and contains simple sentences as opposed to complex sentences. The third sentence in the introductory paragraph, however, could be clearer if it was rearranged a little bit. I would also suggest clarifying in the first sentence whether the birds are inhibited from reaching their long term destination or their short term destination because it says in the ‘Consequences’ section that the birds may arrive late to their destination, implying that sometimes the birds do reach their destination and aren’t completely inhibited from reaching their destination like the first sentence of the article suggests. The evidence to support the statements made in this article are good especially because the sources look like reliable secondary source articles from well developed journals and organizations. The tone of this article also seems professional, with no bias. The style of writing is encyclopedic because it is informative, not persuasive, focuses on a single subject, has a neutral view point, clear, concise and wastes little words (except for maybe the third sentence of the article). This article did a good job of maintaining a neutral point of view and an accurate and ethical representation of the topic at hand.

Minor Points

For this article, I would suggest defining what a ‘flyway’ is in the sentence under the ‘Occurrences’ header. There may have been a grammar mistake when the term “of each birds” was used in the sentence under ‘Occurrences’ and I would suggest changing the phrase to "of each bird". Some sentences could be a little more concise and strong such as the first sentence under the header ‘Consequences’ which may be stronger if the word ‘some’ was removed. I assume the header titled ‘Hurricane Sandy’ is going to touch on an example of Bird fallout during Hurricane Sandy and this seems like it would be a cool section to develop and add to the article. Punctuation and formatting in this article look good.

Cochrash_Marsh32_P3

Summary

Bird fallout results from severe weather patterns inhibiting birds' migratory patterns. When this happens large amounts of birds will rest in one area which has many consequences for the birds and surrounding ecology, specifically it can delay bird reproduction or increase mortality. This occurrence is rare, though, and when it does happen it's a popular sight for birders.

Major Points

The article mostly needs attention to minor points to improve readability - please refer to the minor points section below. Also, not sure if the separate sections are warranted - I could see this information all under a single bird fallout heading - unless the intent is to expand this article a lot more in the future.

Minor Points

First sentence: severe weather patterns not pattern. The second sentence you refer to 'this exhaustion' but I don't know what you mean because you didn't say exhaustion in your previous sentence. Maybe this is a field-specific term but I don't get it and for the sake of a public audience you might want to consider making this clearer. You mention that fallout stems from severe winds found in weather - but that's too generic, specify what kind of weather because not all weather is severely windy. Isn't fallout the cause for large amounts of birds resting in one place? If that's the case I would reword the final sentence of the first section to say "...a migratory fallout resulting in the abundance of birds resting...". Consider using occurrence rather than event as event makes me think of a one-time thing or a regularly scheduled thing.