Peer Review
editSector: Immigrant Healthcare in the United States In order to receive effective healthcare, it is important for individual(s) to understand the US healthcare system. A study was conducted by Pew Hispanic Center in 2007 in order to further bring attention to this issue of health literacy among Latino immigrant communities.[1] Participants were randomly selected by looking at phone lists within areas that were predominately Latino. During phone surveys, participants were asked about their general background information such as age, gender, and ethnicities and (removed few words) about their experiences in healthcare settings. The results showed that factors determining quality of care were the years they've been in the States, income level, education status, (remove and) health insurance status, and health literacy. Among many immigrant groups, Latino communit(ies) tend to undergo challenges in healthcare settings and receive lower quality of care than other ethnicities.[2] Thus, it is crucial to raise awareness of the importance of health literacy, in order to bring up the quality of care in healthcare settings among Latinos. Working with Latino immigrant communities to solve the problem will result in overall better health system among immigrants in the United States because Latinos make up a large percentage of immigrants. (cite?)
I think this addition is very good. The evidence by the study is convincing and supports your argument - but perhaps including some statistics from the study would help such as how many people participated in the study, how many were actually Latino, and how results were determined. Good concluding sentences - they really wrapped up the point you were making.
Findings and statistics: Children Section & Structural Barrier Section
(Make a new paragraph) Another study done in Los Angeles County in 2000 shows how children's immigration status is associated with access to insurance as well as their health status.[3] The study found (removed few words) that children under undocumented parents had many obstacles when trying to access and utilize healthcare. Usually, there are two ways to get insurance, either from the government aid or from private insurance. Since they are undocumented, they cannot get the aid from the state government nor they have access to private insurance because they are financially struggling to buy on their own as well as they work under companies that do not offer insurance to their employees.(Rephrase - Since they are undocumented, they cannot get the aid from the state government nor can they access private insurance due to its high price or because it is not offered by their employer) Thus, their offspring also do not have access to private insurance.
Challenges: Barriers Section
(Under barrier section, I'm going to add a sub-section of 'Koreans') A data of 507 Korean immigrants showed that more than 50% of participants have at least experienced one obstacle in terms of utilizing healthcare in the United States.[4] Among many obstacles, language was one of the biggest barrier(s) and being uninsured uninsurance was the second largest factor.
Findings and statistics: Hispanics and Latino Section
I really like how you used the study to prove a point throughout this section, the facts were portrayed well and in a non biased manner. Towards the end, where you go into working with these communities it could be nice to go into specific ways that groups have worked with them and have shown success.
Findings and statistics: Children Section & Structural Barrier Section:
In the first sentence it might be nice to state who did the study in place of “in another study.” Also the term usually in this paragraph makes me ask what the exceptions are, could be fun to go into? Quick grammar thing with the last sentence in this paragraph as well.
Challenges: Barriers Section
The second sentence could use a source. It might be nice to mention a little bit more about the study, like where they lived or what part of the States, just elaborating on the topic a little more.
Area: San Francisco Bay Area
I think both of your subtopics are off to an awesome start, both just need to be elaborated more with more sources open.
Area: San Francisco Bay Area
History Section (Make another sub-section about immigration history into SF Bay Area)
In Immigrants in American History by Elliott Robert Barkan, histories of different groups of immigrants into the United States are depicted by different eras.[5]
Not sure what the above sentence is trying to say or prove. Perhaps adding a little more explanation would help clarify.
Korean Immigrants (new section made by me under the history section) Majority of Korean immigrants came to the States around mid 1900s, soon after World War II ended.[5] Many of them came as spouse of American soldiers or as adopted children of American families as a result of the Korean War.
Area: San Francisco Bay Area I think both of your subtopics are off to an awesome start, both just need to be elaborated more with more sources.