User talk:SophiaOtto9/sandbox

Peer Edit

I made very minor changes. Most were to reduce repetitiveness, restructure the sentences to flow better, and make grammatical and spelling changes. Heather.Richmond (talk) —Preceding undated comment added 20:37, 14 November 2015 (UTC)

Feedback

Your lead paragraph is on the right track. As you continue writing, be mindful of Wikipedia’s style of writing. Your lead paragraph has some spots where the writing could be seen as not a NPOV. Phrases like, “some say” or “this can be seen as” are weasel terms and editorializing, respectively. If you are ever unsure about your writing style check out the Wikipedia manual of style for descriptions of problematic words and phrases to avoid. But overall this was a good first effort; writing in encyclopedic style can take some getting used to. Kjatczak (talk) 21:22, 29 October 2015 (UTC)

Your continued additions are looking good. One suggestion I would have is in the suffrage and political engagement section, separate voting information from other types of engagement by paragraphs. Kjatczak (talk) 21:11, 31 October 2015 (UTC)

Feedback from Dr. V

Great start! I recommend looking at Youth in Nigeria if you haven't already. I tried to move all the youth policy stuff together. As you complete your research, start thinking about order of paragraphs. Also, consider updating your information of needed feedback to help your peers give you what you need. Prof.Vandegrift (talk) 22:40, 7 November 2015 (UTC)

Angela's feedback

1. I thought your writing style was extremely informative and neutral. I thought the lay out of your article was good and had nice pacing. Had nice short sentences so that reading was easily understood and had one thought per sentence.

2. Your lead section was interesting and made me want to know more but the subject, but also seemed a little jumpy. I think it’d be able to flow better but other than that it’s format was great. Looks like all other Wiki pages. Placement of facts and such seemed logical.

3. Great content and very informative. I feel better informed now and was not confused by any of your sentences or information.

4. Writing seemed to flow and meets Wiki standards I think. Amrogers (talk)