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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Rockstar 101/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by User:Ian Rose 04:03, 31 August 2013 [1].

Rockstar 101

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Nominator(s):  — AARON • TALK 17:28, 29 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because... I feel that it meets the FA criteria. I have followed the style of other FA's and have applied key points to this article, so I hope it is already on the way to getting the gold star. Thanks.  — AARON • TALK 17:28, 29 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose -suggest withdrawal of the nomination. The article has not been prepared and the prose is full of errors. Here are some examples:

  • "It features British-American guitarist Slash of rock group Guns N' Roses." This sounds like it was written by a Russian, where are the definite articles?
  • "The album version is a Hard rock, hip hop and metal music song," - music song?
    • Yeah, you wouldn't just say 'metal song' when you've listed two other genres. Metal can be a genre of music and a type of material, the addition of 'music' adds that clarity. Especially for someone who is not acquainted with all the difference types of genres.  — AARON • TALK
I know the meaning of "metal" in this and other contexts. The sentence just needed rearranging. Graham Colm (talk) 22:19, 12 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "She wears custom made jewellery designed by Fannie Schiavoni," - all the time?
    • I've added 'in some parts of the video'  — AARON • TALK
  • "The song features a guitar performance by British-American musician and songwriter and former lead guitarist of the American hard rock band Guns N' Roses, Slash." - where are the definite articles?
    • I really don't know what you mean by 'definite articles'  — AARON • TALK
Article (grammar) Graham Colm (talk) 18:43, 30 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Rockstar 101" is a Hard rock, hip hop and metal music song which lasts for a duration of three minutes and 58 seconds." - music song, a duration of.
    • No, 'that lasts for three...' is better. 'music song, a duration of' is not correct.  — AARON • TALK
That wasn't a suggestion - I was highlighting the redundancies. Graham Colm (talk) 18:43, 30 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and was release on the iTunes Store on July 13," - and was release?
  • "Rihanna uses her lower register and "heavy" modulation to perform the majority of the song, - most of the song.
    • I've changed it to 'most of the song'  — AARON • TALK
  • "Brian Linder for IGN praised the song, writing that although it appears to be disjointed at first, but that it "actually works" - this doesn't make sense.
    • I've reworded the sentence.  — AARON • TALK
  • "The song had a negative impact on The Guardian's Alex Petridis," - Why? Did he need counseling afterwards?
    • I wouldn't have thought so. I was just trying to add some variety instead of always using 'X of X praised/criticised the song'. I've re-worded the sentence regardless.  — AARON • TALK
  • "She had previously directed the videos Rihanna's singles "Hard" and "Rude Boy". - the videos Rihanna's singles.
  • "Rihanna seen strums a guitar in the style of a rockstar and it is reminiscent of how Slash plays his guitar" - Rihanna seen strums?
    • I've changed it to 'can be seen strumming'  — AARON • TALK
  • "In total, Rihanna is seen in a total of eight different scenes and settings throughout the duration of the video" In total..in a total.
I have removed the other one and "throughout the duration of the video". Graham Colm (talk) 22:19, 12 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In other scenes, Rihanna smashes a black electric guitar, wears an outfit consisting of parts of a guitar, as well as featuring an appearance by Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker, who is featured as one of the drummers in Rihanna's rock band." And the subject of this sentence is?

Graham Colm (talk) 18:06, 30 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I have struck my oppose, but this article should not have been nominated in its initial state. Many of the errors would have been picked up by simple grammar checking software. Graham Colm (talk) 22:19, 12 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Delegate comment -- Given there's effectively been no new commentary for a month, I'll be archiving this shortly. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 06:43, 31 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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