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Wikipedia:Peer review/59th National Film Awards/archive2

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59th National Film Awards

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because the list was FLC twice. This time opening PR first than FLC nomination. Thanks, - Vivvt • (Talk) 04:38, 24 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, here are my first bunch of comments:

Infobox
  • Concern: Shouldn't Hamid Ansari be credited in the "Awarded by" section and his designation mentioned in the bracket, instead of the other way round?
Done
Lead
  • "Deool in Marathi language and Byari in Beary language shared the award for the Best Feature Film. Byari was the first-ever film made in the Beary language, and the only film in the language at the time of the awards." aren't good sentences. How about "The Marathi film Deool and Byari (the first and only Beary-language film) shared the award for the Best Feature Film"?
Done
  • "The award for the Best Non-Feature Film was given to theHindi—English documentary And We Play On." There is a minor spacing issue there, and why is an endash used here. "Hindi-English" should be hyphenated.
Done
  • " the Assamese film critic Manoj Barpujari was declared the Best Film Critic." Redundant "the".
Done
  • Why isn't "best feature film direction" linked?
Done
  • " The award for best feature film direction went to Gurvinder Singh for the Punjabi film Anhe Ghore Da Daan, which was the debut feature film by him." can be changed to " Gurvinder Singh won the award for the best feature film direction, for the Punjabi film Anhe Ghore Da Daan, his directorial debut." Or maybe something better.
Done
  • "The award for Best Actor was given to Girish Kulkarni for Deool for which he also won the award of Best Dialogue." ==> "For the film Deool, Girish Kulkarni won the awards for Best Actor and Best Dialogue". Also, link the respective awards.
Done
  • "...was given to the veteran Bengali actor Soumitra Chatterjee for his contribution to the Bengali cinema." Is the usage of "veteran" necessary here? Also, there is a redundant "the" before Bengali cinema.
Done. Though I have kept "veteran" word as is. I hope it does not violate WP:PEACOCK.
Selection process
  • In the first sentence, "... invited nominations for the awards" should rather be "...invited nominations for the 2012 award ceremony"
Done
  • "... magazines, and journals in the same period were eligible for the best writing on cinema section." ==> "... magazines, and journals during the same period were eligible to contest for the best writing on cinema section." I am sure of this one. But, the sentence doesn't read well.
Done Changed to "The written material on Indian cinema published in Indian print media during the same period were eligible for the best writing on cinema section."
  • Next sentence "Entries of .." should be removed from the sentence.
Done
  • " In the Non-Feature Films category received 156 entries; 28 books and 22 articles were submitted for the Best Writing on Cinema section." is grammatically incorrect. Please change it.
Done
Awards
  • First line should be "The National Film Awards are grouped into three sections: Feature Films, Non-Feature Films and Writing on Cinema".
Done
  • Next line should be "On March 7, 2012, in a press conference held at Shastri Bhavan, New Delhi, the winners for the 2012 award ceremony were announced".
Done
  • "A lifetime achievement award, named after the father of Indian cinema Dadasaheb Phalke, was awarded to a film personality for outstanding contribution to the growth and development of Indian Cinema". The phrase "father of Indian cinema" is not needed here. Also, second part of the sentence is grammatically incorrect.
Done
  • "Six categories from the Feature Films section, and two from the Non-Feature Films and Best Writing on Cinema sections were made eligible for a Swarna Kamal.." What do you mean by "made eligible"? Confusing.
Done Removed this sentence. It was mentioned as confusing in the previous reviews as well.

I will come back later for more.

Fixed few. Will work on other. - Vivvt • (Talk) 18:32, 25 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed above mentioned issues. - Vivvt • (Talk) 20:16, 26 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]


Some comments on format
  • Shouldn't the Award section be followed by the Dadasaheb Phalke Award, Feature Films etc as sub-sections?
Earlier PR received a comment for "Award" section being too long and suggestion came up to have it split into four section, as we have currently.
  • For the "Jury" sub-section in the "Feature Films" section, the profession of all the other members are mentioned except for the ones who are heading the different regions.
All the regional heads are part of central jury, so did not mention their profession separately.
  • In the "Silver Lotus Award" section, categories having more than one winners follow different table formats. For example, Best Child Artist is different from Best Costume Design and Best Make-up Artist. Needs to be consistent. --smarojit (buzz me) 03:50, 1 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Done - Vivvt • (Talk) 04:09, 1 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]
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